Really?

The tragedy of judgement

2011-06-08T08:44:00.000-06:00

One of my best friends, one of the greatest guys I know, almost didn't come over to my house because of a preconceived notion about who I am. Had he listened to his first thought about me we wouldn't be discussing politics, religion, life or love. We also wouldn't be sharing some of the best times I've had since college all because of a judgement of a person he had only met once before. I have almost missed out on some great relationships in my life because of my own judgements. I almost didn't date my wife, almost didn't start hanging out with one of the guys who ended up a groomsman at my wedding. I wonder how many friendships, girlfriends and better family relationships I've missed out on because I have made judgements about people before I really took the time to get to know them without bias or pre-decided ideas of who they are.
So I ask the question, what would it take for you to drop your mentality of judging first and getting to know the person second? It has taken me a long time of working on this to be crappy at it. I still make judgements, I try not to but it is truly human nature. The only thing that has helped me is understanding that I'm making a judgement on nothing and trying to understand why I'm feeling that way. I often find my first judgement is way off.
It doesn't matter what someones race, religion, politics, waist size, boob size, annual income, sexual orientation, or any other thing is. We are all individuals, and that's what makes this world great. There is a never ending supply of people to meet and get to know and love.
Love, that's a logical thing to bring into a conversation like this, so is peace, harmony and god. Well to be frank, forget the other 3, peace is impossible harmony is improbable and god is... a whole different discussion so lets just talk about love. Love to me makes everything in life worth while. The love of your family or friends, the love of a hobby, the love of a stranger or someone you have know for years. It's that feeling of happiness just to be around another person or thing that make our life have meaning. Love, in some forms, must be learned. Loving a neighbor who plays loud music you don't like, loving a in-law who hates your guts or loving a person who has insulted on the deepest level you can think of. loving these people is hard, often seeming like its not worth the effort. I'm not saying to hang around with them or call them up and tell them your deepest secrets but love them as a person, love them for the things they have brought into your life. The lessons their actions have taught you, for the people you met because of them or simply love them for the giant flaws they see in them selves that they hope the world doesn't see. love them, even if they hate you, love them. when they kick you out of their house for being different, love them. when they say horrible things about you, love them. I'm not suggesting you crusade for them to like you, leave them be, find another soul on this planet (there are over 6 billion of them) to enjoy, but never hold hatred in your heart. it wont do you any good,
writing this I have realized many things I have been holding on to, or judgements I have passed and I hope I can say I have now let them go. Not only have I judged but I have been on the receiving end of many judgements. I know my flaws, I know the problems I have and the problems that some people think I have. you may dislike me, you may hate me, you may think I am the greatest evil in the world but just know I don't want to judge you and if I can avoid it I will. I hope you can learn to love me like I do you, I hope you can learn to see the person inside your judgement and realize that I could be a great part of your life just like you could be a great part of mine.

Pure honesty

2011-04-20T09:17:00.002-06:00

I'm a fat guy. Come on, we all knew that, I didn't need to be honest about that but the honesty comes from how I feel about it. I've always been a fat kid, I was a chubby baby, a chubby toddler, a chubby child, a fat teen and a massively obese adult. I've had my moments of dealing with bully's as a fat kid and even as an adult, the insults are just different. I've had people assume that I must hate myself for being over weight, Including a bishop who had me come into his office to ask if I wanted a personal trainer and that the church would help pay for one if I needed it. I've had grand parents tell me how I need to loose weight and then 15 minutes later offer me cake. I have been told my entire life that I need to loose weight. Yet I've never been stopped by my size, I go bike riding, I go hiking, I ride motorcycles, four wheelers and sand rails, I go swimming, I do yard work, I work on my own car (often with help because I don't know what I'm doing), I am more active than a lot of skinny people I know and yet it's expected of me to be lazy because I'm fat and that pisses me off. I've always felt okay with who I am, its been other people who make me feel like crap for being over weight. I'm okay being over weight as long as I never need to say, "I cant because of my weight" or "I don't think that my body can handle that." I'm okay with who I am as a person, I'm okay with being overweight.
Now that being said, there are health concerns with being over weight and most of those involve your heart and joints. I've never had problems with my joints until my wife hit me with a car (funny story actually). I did notice that it took longer for my knee to heal after though, and I've noticed that my back is giving me more problems as an adult because of my weight. My family has crappy genetics when it comes to backs but adding a lot of weight doesn't help. I know that if I loose weight I will probably live longer, and that my heart will be better off. So I want to start this off by saying that I don't want to loose weight because I worry about what other people think because frankly screw them ,I'm fine the way I am as a human being, I want to loose weight because I want to have my body feel better as I get older. I want my back to not give out on me in my 40's, or have knee problems in my 30's. I want to be able to CONTINUE to do what I already do.
Like any other fat person I've done a lot of "diets" and never had any long term results because diets like that focus on short term weight loss, not a change of life style, which is what I need. I already have fairly active life style (during the summer) but my diet is lacking in many ways. My two biggest problems are fast food and eating large meals. I could make excuses for this but simply I've been to lazy to pack a lunch for work and I enjoy food so I over eat. Fast food is easy, its fairly cheap and it tastes good. So its was just easier to buy Carl's Jr then it was to pack a lunch in the morning. So I know that to make a change I need to cut out the drive in's.
Two weeks ago I started eating better and packing lunches everyday and trying to exercise more. I had a hard time eating less because my body has been eating one way it's entire life and then I expect it to change after 25 years. I decided to talk to my doctor to see what was healthy for me. After we talked for about half an hour we decided that a steady diet, and low impact exercise like bike rides, swimming, the elliptical and so on would be best for now and that treadmills and jogging would be hard on my knees and should wait until some of the weight was off. I liked that idea because I hate running and treadmills in general but I love bike riding and swimming. However he also gave me a prescription for phentermine, which is the half of phen-phen that doesn't hurt your heart. So I went home did some extra research on phentermine and found that none of the side effects are life threatening and decided to give it a try. Now I should point out that this isn't a permanent addition to my life, it's to help with constantly feeling hungry as my body adjusts to it's new food intake. I have been eating about five times a day and eating small amounts, and its been great so far. I've gone down a pant size and feel like this is a stable change and not just a quick fix diet. I really only changed 4 things in my life.
1. I write down every thing I eat
2. No fast food
3. No buffets
4. Packing my lunch and snacks for the day before work.
I didn't think that such little things could make such a huge difference in your health but apperently they do. I think the most important is writing down everything you eat. When you know you your going to write that ice cream down or a Carl's Jr hamburger you often decide to go with something a bit more healthy. www.caloriecount.about.com has been a big help with this because I just log what I've eaten for the day on my Ipod or on a computer and it keeps track of it for me and lets me know what I'm eating to much of or to little of.
In short I like the changes I've made and hell yes I miss Chinese gourmet, but I think as I go on things will become the normal, instead of the diet, or at least that's the hope.

Lying for the Lord

2011-03-29T13:30:00.004-06:00

I was I was interviewing a woman this weekend for a research paper I am writing in my spare time. We were discussing religion and she pointed out a couple things I had never heard of. When I was researching a few of those topics to fact check what she had said I found this essay by Ken Clark. It documents major lies and misleading statements from the LDS church over time. I'm not singling out the LDS church. I think every church does this, The Catholic church being the worst offender. That being said it is very interesting to read. I read two other essays by this author and found he documents very well and is a reliable source of information.

The following was written by Ken Clark for MormonThink.com. Ken worked full time for the LDS Church Education System (CES) for 27 years. He also served as a bishop; a calling he enjoyed as much as full time instructor and Coordinator for the Church Education System. He loved (and still loves) the students and the ward members.

Lying for the Lord
By Ken Clark

"The right to lie in the service of your own interests is highly valued and frequently exercised"-Nero Wolfe
I began this list when I was a full time employee of the LDS Church Education System (CES). I worked as a Seminary Principal/teacher, Institute teacher/Director, and Stake CES Coordinator from 1975 - 2002. My last assignment was brief. I signed a Letter of Agreement with CES to serve as the Director of the Pullman, Washington LDS Institute of Religion adjacent to Washington State University in July 2002. I resigned from CES a month later. I carry fond memories of the students, ward leaders and others I grew to respect in the LDS Church. I started this list in an effort to defend the church from its detractors. I was insulted that critics accused LDS church leaders of dishonesty. I "knew" the criticisms could not be true.

As an informal defender, I discovered that those accusing the church leaders of being dishonest sometimes had the facts on their side (when I took the time to check). I dealt with the cognitive dissonance by pointing out that (1) all organizations are run by humans and if you search hard enough, of course you'll find a few isolated examples of deception; and (2) since the leaders are human, they will err on occasion. I guessed there may have been occasional isolated examples of premeditated deception but it was not a pattern or standard practice.

Sometimes I caught myself revealing less than the whole truth, or embellishing in order to defend the church. I noticed that other members often did the same thing. I gave myself permission to be slightly dishonest because I was defending God's one true church; or so I reasoned. Eventually I decided to let the lives and sermons of the church leaders speak for themselves. If detractors were right some of the time, the church and I would deal with it.

I believed a list of prevarications presented in the proper context would prove that lying wasn't actually lying. Instead the list would prove that a perceived lie was probably a misunderstanding, a remark out of context or a deliberate misinterpretation of historical events. My belief was that those who accused church leaders with deception were deceivers themselves; they twisted words and took remarks out of context. But as I read more church history my list grew, and at some point it occurred to me that a pattern of institutionalized deception had been established by Joseph Smith. Subsequent church leaders, including those who serve currently, followed Smith's example of lying to protect the church. The growing evidence pointed to a standard practice.

Evidence presented in this essay establishes that when the church image or its leaders needed protection it was and is, okay to fib, deceive, distort, inflate, minimize, exaggerate, prevaricate or lie. You will read quotations by church leaders who admitted that deception is a useful tool to protect the church and its leaders "when they are in tight spot," or "to beat the devil at his own game." They admit engaging in moral gymnastics; that God approves of deception - if it's done to protect the "Lord's Church" or "the brethren" as the leaders are called.

I was stunned after I learned these uncomfortable truths. I had naively believed that when church leaders transgressed, they followed the required steps of repentance, as taught to members and investigators. I believed they had the courage to face their mistakes and confess their shortcomings, no matter what the consequences; to live the same standards they set for the members. I believed they were completely honest.

D. Michael Quinn called the use of deception by LDS church leaders, "theocratic ethics." (The Mormon Hierarchy: Origins of Power, page 112) Smith lied to protect himself or the church; which was an extension of himself. Dan Vogel in his excellent work, Joseph Smith: The Making of a Prophet, described Smith's viewpoint; he was a pious deceiver. Smith used deception if in his mind; it resulted in a good outcome. Smith had Moroni, an ancient American prophet and custodian of the gold plates declare, "And whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do good is of me; for good cometh of none save it be of me. ( Moroni 4:11-12). Translation: if deception was necessary to do good, or bring a soul to Christ, then it was worth it, as long as God approves. Smith believed he knew when God approved of lying.

Smith believed God also approved of murder if it was for a good cause. He wrote in the Book of Mormon that Nephi was inspired by God (1 Nephi 4:6) to deceive and capture a servant; and then murder another man in order to secure an ancient historical record on brass plates. And in Missouri, Smith and his counselor Sidney Rigdon threatened to kill Mormon's who disagreed with Smith's policies and initiatives (Quinn, The Mormon Hierarchy: Origins of Power, Chapter 3, "Theocratic Beginnings," 79-103).

Smith re-wrote scripture to demonstrate that God had ordered the prophet Abraham to lie to protect himself and his wife Sarah from harm (Abraham 2:23-25).

Before becoming a prophet, Smith's chosen profession relied on deception to earn a living. He assured clients that he could see underground treasure using a magic stone in the bottom of his hat and clients paid him to locate hidden gold using this method. He never did of course. Smith's arrest, trial and conviction in Bainbridge, NY for fraud in 1826 documented his activity. He was found guilty of glass looking. The modern term for Smith would be a con artist. (Dan Vogel, Joseph Smith: The Making of a Prophet, 82-86). Modern scams operate on a similar principle Smith used to separate people from their money.

Joseph Smith was comfortable using deception when it suited him. He wove it into the fabric of Mormonism as a way of dealing with those who questioned his authority or who reported his deception or tasteless behavior. Excellent historical works record Smith's deception and the deception of other LDS leaders. A list of good authors and their work, who are nevertheless charitable to Smith are: Linda King Newell and Valeen Tippetts Avery, Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith, Prophet's Wife, "Elect Lady", Polygamy's Foe. Dan Vogel, Joseph Smith: The Making of a Prophet, Signature Books, Salt Lake City, 2004. Richard Van Wagoner, Mormon Polygamy: A History, Second Edition, Signature Books, Salt Lake City, 1989. D. Michael Quinn, The Mormon Hierarchy: Origins of Power, Signature Books, Salt Lake City, 1994. D. Michael Quinn, The Mormon Hierarchy: Extensions of Power, Signature Books, Salt Lake City, 1997. Fawn Brodie, No Man Knows My History: The Life of Joseph Smith, Vintage Books, NY, 1995. B. Carmon Hardy, Solemn Covenant: The Mormon Polygamous Passage, University of Illinois Press, 1992. (The essay on Lying for the Lord in Hardy's appendix is masterful and yet compassionate.) Will Bagley, Blood of the Prophets: Brigham Young and the Massacre at Mountain Meadows, University of Oklahoma Press, Norman, OK 2002, offers insight into the minds of other church leaders who used deception effectively too. An excellent online list is the online book by Jerald and Sandra Tanner, The Changing World of Mormonism at www.utlm.org/onlinebooks; and Richard Packham's excellent piece entitled, "Mormon Lying." http://home.teleport.com/~packham/lying.htm)

Below is a list of notable prevarications by church leaders. Some rate higher on the "deceit-scale" than others. The list is not exhaustive, and offers only a sample of some of the well known incidents of deception on the part of LDS church leaders. Since well over one hundred examples are included, it is not a comprehensive list, and because lying began with Joseph Smith and continues today (2007), I concluded that lying is standard operating procedure for church leaders. I referenced each of the incidents with the secondary source. It's easier for the normal reader to locate information in a secondary source. The footnotes provided in the secondary sources will provide you with the references for primary sources if you wish to review them.

At the end of the list is a brief review of recent research on lying.

1. The official version of the First Vision by Joseph Smith, fashioned in 1838, nearly 20 years after the event, was unknown to church members living in the 1830s. It evolved after years of refining and modifying. It describes a more spectacular and miraculous event than earlier versions of the same event. The 1832 account is the original handwritten version and not as dramatic as the 1838 version. The 1832 version does not mention God the Father one who appeared to Smith, or the religious excitement causing Smith to pray, persecution by enemies, being attacked by the devil, being told not to join any apostate Christian Churches by Jesus; and he was not called to restore a church and serve as its prophet. The 1832 "vision" resembles a common Christian epiphany where he imagined Jesus forgiving his sins. Church leaders suppressed the contradictory and less impressive version for over a century. (James B. Allen, Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought, Autumn 1966, pages 29-45. See also Fawn Brodie, No Man Knows My History, pp.24-25; and The Changing World of Mormonism, pp. 148-166)

2. The LDS church consistently describes in sermons and paintings, the visitation of an angel named Moroni to Joseph Smith on September 21, 1823. Moroni is pictured floating above Joseph or next to his bed, alone in his bedroom. The pictures do not portray Joseph's five brothers that slept in the same room with him. A restored Smith house is used for LDS tours showing the small room and only two beds for six brothers. Nothing resembling the actual sleeping arrangement is hinted at in the church's official literature and pictorial recreations of the scene. It would seem inconceivable to most investigators (and perhaps many members) that Joseph's brothers sleeping in the same room and bed would not have been awakened by the events as described by Joseph. The inaccurate depictions and lesson manuals tell a different story to make the event seem more believable. This is an example of the deceptive "milk before meat" principle used to excuse the suppression of questionable historical stories about Mormon origins. Moroni's Visitation

3. The LDS Church permits members and others to believe that the History of the Church was written by Joseph Smith. Smith dictated the history of the church to a scribe but was killed before completing the project. The Joseph Smith History was completed in August 1856 by historians who attempted to make the official history appear as if it was written by Joseph. Brigham Young required the historians to use this method. Sixty percent of the history was written after his death. The church failed to inform its members of this fact, preferring to let them believe that the official history was written by Joseph Smith. (Brigham Young University Studies, Summer 1971, pp.466, 469, 470, 472). In the middle of the 20th century, after the deception was pointed out by critics, the church admitted it. When something in History of the Church proved embarrassing, such as the Kinderhook Plates hoax (where Joseph was tricked by pranksters who created fake metal plates - Joseph claimed they were ancient Egyptian plates), which is written in the first person by Smith, the practice was/is for LDS apologists to claim that a scribe or someone else must have written the embarrassing section instead of Joseph Smith. (Jerald and Sandra Tanner, Shadow or Reality? Chapter 7, "Changes in the Joseph Smith History," pages 126-142)

4. The famous Rocky Mountain Prophecy was a later addition to the official church history and not uttered by Joseph Smith as a prediction that the Mormons would inhabit the Salt Lake Valley. Despite the fact it is not authentic; the church presented it as such for more than a century. The 'Rocky Mountain Prophecy' was added after the Mormons arrived in Utah. (The Changing World of Mormonism, p. 406) The church had no intentions of giving this information to members, in order to make their history appear more faith promoting.

5. Related to changes in the history of the church, Jerald and Sandra Tanner published the following in The Changing World of Mormonism, "One of the most interesting changes in the history is the name of the angel who was supposed to have appeared in Joseph Smith's bedroom. In the history as it was first published by Joseph Smith, we learn that the angel's name was Nephi: "He called me by name and said ... that his name was Nephi" (Times and Seasons, vol. 3, p.753). "In modern printings of the History of the Church, this has been changed to read " Moroni": "He called me by name, and said ... that his name was Moroni ..." (History of the Church, vol. 1, p.11).

"The original handwritten manuscript shows that the name was originally written as "Nephi," but that someone at a later date wrote the word "Moroni" above the line (see photograph in Mormonism-Shadow or Reality? p.136). In the book Falsification of Joseph Smith's History, page 13, Tanners showed that this change was made after Joseph Smith's death. An examination of the duplicate copy of the handwritten manuscript, Book A-2, provides additional evidence that the change was not made during Joseph Smith's lifetime. This manuscript was not begun until about a year after Smith's death. Like the other manuscript (Book A-1), it has the name "Nephi" with the name " Moroni" interpolated above the line.

"It is interesting to note that Joseph Smith lived for two years after the name "Nephi" was printed in Times and Seasons and never published a retraction or revision. In August, 1842, the Millennial Star, printed in England , also published Joseph Smith's story stating that the angel's name was "Nephi" (see Millennial Star, vol. 3, p.53). On page 71 of the same volume it reads that the message of the angel Nephi ... opened a new dispensation to man...." "The name was also published in the 1851 edition of the Pearl of Great Price as "Nephi." Walter L. Whipple, in his thesis written at BYU, stated that Orson Pratt "published The Pearl of Great Price in 1878, and removed the name of Nephi from the text entirely and inserted the name Moroni in its place (reprinted in The Changing World of Mormonism, Chapter 13, pages 409-410).

6. Official Mormon histories have omitted references to Joseph Smith's drinking and use of tobacco in order to create a more inspiring impression of their prophet, who if living today (2007) would be unable to pass a worthiness interview and earn a temple recommend in the church he founded. (Changing World of Mormonism, pages 413-414 and Chapter 18 of the same online book). "Joseph tested the Saints to make sure their testimonies were of his religion and not of him as a personable leader. Amasa Lyman, of the First presidency, related: 'Joseph Smith tried the faith of the Saints many times by his peculiarities. At one time, he had preached a powerful sermon on the Word of Wisdom, and immediately thereafter, he rode through the streets of Nauvoo smoking a cigar. Some of the brethren were tried as was Abraham of old'" ("Joseph Smith as an Administrator," Master's Thesis, Brigham Young University, May 1969, p.161. Quotation found in The Changing World of Mormonism, page 31).

7. Leonard Arrington, the official LDS Church Historian for nearly a decade (1972-1982) lamented the suppression of real Mormon history in favor of a faith promoting version. Six years previous to his appointment as church historian, Dr. Arrington wrote: "it is unfortunate for the cause of Mormon history that the Church Historian's Library, which is in the possession of virtually all of the diaries of leading Mormons, has not seen fit to publish these diaries or to permit qualified historians to use them without restriction." (Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought (Spring 1966, p.26). Leonard Arrington was demoted in 1982 transferred from the church historians office to BYU because of his refreshing honesty; he was a threat to the faith promoting history the church insisted he support (Deseret News, Church Section, July 5, 1980; http://library.usu.edu/Specol/manuscript/Arrington/LJAHA1/bio.html). The church does not report accurate unflattering historical facts about its origins and leaders to the membership or the world, unless forced to by published disclosures of deception.

8. Joseph Smith claimed that God revealed truth to him. He declared that God, Jesus and angels appeared in person. Sometimes they spoke in an audible voice, and sometimes they spoke in a quiet voice or feeling in his mind and heart - D&C 8:2; 9:7-9. He made arrangements to publish a collection of revealed truths in the Book of Commandments but Missourians destroyed the printing press in 1833 before the venture was completed. A few copies were saved. Two years later he published another version with original revelations revised and more revelations added and called it the Doctrine and Covenants. Apologists claim that added material was only to make the revelation seem clearer to the reader. (Melvin J. Petersen "A Study of the Nature of and Significance of the Changes in the Revelations as Found in a Comparison of the Book of Commandments and Subsequent Editions of the Doctrine and Covenants," Master's thesis, BYU, 1955, typed copy, p.147). Those close to Joseph make a different claim.

David Whitmer, a close associate of Smith's, was perhaps the most vocal opponent to the revisions. He considered the original revelations to be God-inspired. He questioned the revised revelations which granted all power and authority to Smith. (Letter written by David Whitmer, published in the Saints' Herald, February 5, 1887). Current LDS members are unaware of the significant revisions. They do not know that the meaning of some of the "revelations" was reversed. David Whitmer and others raise the question of whether Joseph Smith received revelations from God or whether they originated in his own mind, for his own gain. If Mormons continue to insist that JS was inspired by God, critics might ask, "Which God? - the one who revealed the first revelations, or the one who revealed the later ones that contradicted the first?" (David Whitmer see An Address To All Believers in Christ. Also The Changing World of Mormonism, online book, Chapter 3, http://www.utlm.org/onlinebooks/changech3.htm)

9. Joseph made a career of retrofitting earlier revelations to make it appear as if church doctrines and practices were revealed by God incrementally, logically and sequentially, as described by the faith promoting histories of the LDS church. He referred to this process of revising God's written word as continuing revelation. Others call it theological innovation, revelations of convenience, or creative imagination.

10. Joseph Smith created the Mormon priesthood after organizing the church, though faithful followers are unaware of this historical development. His priesthood innovations were an extension of the practice of revising revelations to match his evolving theological ideas. La Mar Peterson explained, "The important details that are missing from the "full history" [of priesthood restoration] of 1834 are likewise missing from the Book of Commandments in 1833. The student would expect to find all the particulars of the Restoration in this first treasured set of 65 revelations, the dates of which encompassed the bestowals of the two Priesthoods, but they are conspicuously absent.... The notable revelations on Priesthood in the Doctrine and Covenants, Sections 2 and 13, are missing, and Chapter 28 gives no hint of the Restoration which, if actual, had been known for four years."

"More than four hundred words were added to this revelation [on priesthood] of August 1829 (Section 27 of the Doctrine and Covenants). The new material added the names of heavenly visitors and two separate ordinations. The Book of Commandments listed the duties of Elders, Priests, Teachers, and Deacons and refers to Joseph's apostolic calling but there is no mention of Melchizedek Priesthood, High Priesthood, Seventies, High Priests, nor High Councilors. These words were later inserted into the revelation on Church organization and government of April, 1830, making it appear that they were known at that date. But they do not appear in the original, Chapter 24 of the Book of Commandments three years later. Similar interpolations were made in the revelations known as Sections 42 and 68" (Problems In Mormon Text, by LaMar Petersen, pp.7-8. See also Gregory A. Prince, Power on High: The Development of the Mormon Priesthood. Signature Books, 1995. D. Michael Quinn, Mormon Hierarchy: Origins of Power, Chapter 1, "The Evolution of Authority." The Changing Story of Mormonism, Chapter 16).

11. Joseph Smith and the Mormons' official publications remove all references to Joseph Smith's activities as a professional con man. Documents discovered in 1971 by Dr. Wesley Walters in Norwich, New York, verify that Joseph Smith was a "glass looker" and that he was arrested, tried and found guilty by a justice of the peace in Bainbridge, New York, in 1826.

LDS historian Dr. Francis W. Kirkham, refused to believe that Joseph Smith was a con man, who bilked people out of money with promises to find buried treasure through the use of a peep stone in a hat. He wrote, "if such a court record confession could be identified and proved, then it follows that his believers must deny his claimed divine guidance which led them to follow him.... How could he be a prophet of God, the leader of the Restored Church to these tens of thousands, if he had been the superstitious fraud which 'the pages from a book' declared he confessed to be? (A New Witness For Christ In America , vol. 1, pp.385-87 and pp.486-87; and The Changing World of Mormonism, Chapter 4, "Joseph Smith and Money Digging. See also Shadow or Reality? pp 35-36).

Hugh Nibley, famous dissembling LDS apologist also stated, ""...if this court record is authentic it is the most damning evidence in existence against Joseph Smith." Dr. Nibley's book also states that if the authenticity of the court record could be established it would be "the most devastating blow to Smith ever delivered" (Hugh Nibley, The Mythmakers p. 142. See also The Changing World of Mormonism, Chapter 4, "Joseph Smith and Money Digging").

In the court record Joseph Smith confessed that "for three years" prior to 1826 he had used a magic stone placed in his hat to find treasures or lost property, placing his money-digging activities from 1823 to 1826. Mormon histories indicate that a heavenly messenger revealed the presence of gold plates on September 21, 1823. Joseph Smith was conning overly optimistic treasure seekers out of their money at the very time he claimed that an angel revealed to him that gold plates lay buried near his home. He continued these deceptive practices for at least three of the four years after God was supposedly preparing him to receive the gold plates. These facts undermine the credibility of Mormonism's first prophet and founder. (Dan Vogel, Joseph Smith: The Making of a Prophet, Signature Books, 2004, pp. 80-86)

12. Members and investigators to Mormonism are not offered details of Smith's deception or the court records convicting him. Church leaders contend that "some [historical] truths are not very useful" and undermine attempts to create a faith promoting history of Mormonism (versus an accurate and objective history). (Boyd K. Packer, "The Mantle is Far, Far Greater Than the Intellect", 1981, BYU Studies, Vol. 21, No. 3, pp. 259-271) LDS Historians are fired and sometimes excommunicated if they publish an objective history rather than a faith promoting version (if they are employed for the church). Packer cited above, referred to objective histories of Mormonism as "disease germs." Most ethical historians regard deliberately inaccurate histories to be disease germs instead.

13. Joseph Smith claimed that he discovered gold plates with strange engravings, and special spectacles called "Interpreters." The LDS Church teaches members and investigators that the "Interpreters" were actually a Urim and Thummim used to translate the golden plates. This claim is not true. In an 1885 interview, Zenas H. Gurley, the editor of the RLDS Saints' Herald, asked David Whitmer if Joseph Smith had used his peep stone to translate the plates. Whitmer, who offered his home to Smith and acted as a scribe for part of the translation of the Book of Mormon, replied that Smith gave the Interpreters back to an angel and used a peep stone or "Seers Stone" to translate the Book of Mormon; one that he had found while digging a well. It looked like an ordinary rock but Smith claimed it gave him the ability to see buried treasure, receive revelations, and translate ancient records. (The Changing World of Mormonism, pp. 80-83)

Martin Harris, who also acted as a scribe, lost the first 116 pages of the Book of Mormon translation. He also said that Smith claimed that the angel Moroni took back both the plates and the Interpreters. He claimed that the angel later returned the gold plates, but not the Interpreters. Harris confirmed that Smith used his special rock placed in a hat to produce the present-day Book of Mormon. (The Changing World of Mormonism, pp. 80-83) To see actual photographs of Smith's favorite, magical stones, see pages 324-325 of D. Michael Quinn, Early Mormonism and the Magic World View, Revised and Enlarged, Signature Books, SLC, 1998.)

William W. Phelps first suggested in 1833 that perhaps the seer stones were the Urim and Thummim of the Old Testament ( The Evening and Morning Star , Jan. 1833). This lent more credibility to Smith's story. Historians for the church rewrote the historical accounts to make it appear that from the beginning the Interpreters or Smith's peep stone was referred to as the Urim and Thummim. This is more tasteful in the minds of some than referring to the instruments used to translate the Book of Mormon as "the peep stone Joseph found while digging a well." (The Changing World of Mormonism, pp. 80-83. See also comment by BH Roberts in Comprehensive History of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, vol. 1, page 129)

14. Official Mormon histories are not forthcoming about the statement by the three and eight witnesses respectively, who claim to have seen Smith's gold plates and handled them. The faith promoting histories fail to inform interested students of Mormon origins that in both cases, their experience was one that took place in their imaginations or as they called it, "spiritual eyes," "eyes of our understanding," "a supernatural vision," or "visions of the mind." To say that the witnesses handled a literal, physical object is more impressive than admitting that they merely imagined that they handled literal, physical objects.

Martin Harris (one of the 3 witnesses) testified publicly on March 25, 1838 that none of the signatories to the Book of Mormon saw or handled the actual physical plates." He also indicated that Joseph had prepared an affidavit beforehand and asked the witnesses to sign it, but because they had not seen a physical object, only a vision of them, some hesitated to sign; but were finally persuaded by Joseph. David Whitmer also told Zenas Gurley Jr. on January 14, 1885 when asked if the witnesses actually touched "the real metal," "We did not." The witnesses handled "the plates" in a vision only, according to Whitmer. Such is the power of imagination. (Grant Palmer, An Insider's View of Mormon Origins, Chapter 6) There are other significant problems with the story of the 3 and 8 witnesses described by Palmer, for those interested in reading more.

The 8 witnesses did not all see the plates or angel at the same time as the church leads people to believe either. The plates were seen in two groups of four not all 8 together as popularized in church paintings. (Deseret Evening News, 6 August 1878, Letter to the editor from P. Wilhelm Poulson, M.D., typed transcript, p. 2) Only David Whitmer and perhaps Oliver Cowdery saw the angel together. Martin Harris removed himself from the group and did not see the angel until some three days later. (Grant Palmer, An Insider's View of Mormon Origins, Chapter 6. Anthony Metcalf, Ten Years Before the Mast, n.d., microfilm copy, p. 70-71) Info From: http://www.exmormon.org/file9.htm )

The LDS Church misrepresents the method by which Joseph Smith authored the Book of Mormon. Quite unlike the explanations and images offered to members in official church publications, Joseph Smith never had gold plates in view when "translating," nor did he use an Old Testament instrument called the Urim and Thummim. (The Changing World of Mormonism, pp. 84-85)

15. Smith's "translation" method was the same used to earn money to locate subterranean treasure for money. He put his favorite magic rock in a hat, pulled the hat over his face, and rested his elbows on his knees, to read the English words and sentences that God caused to appear on the stone, according to Smith's faithful scribes. The imaginary plates were never in view, in the same room, or often never in the house. (Emma Smith, The Saints' Herald, May 19, 1888, p.310; and Saints' Herald, November 15, 1962, p.16. Martin Harris, Historical Record, by Andrew Jensen, p.216. David Whitmer, An Address To All Believers In Christ, p.12. Grant Palmer, An Insider's View of Mormon Origins)

16. This may explain why nothing ancient appears in a book that is supposed to be of ancient origin, despite claims by the LDS Church to the contrary. It may also explain why large sections of faulty King James texts are plentiful, and why virtually nothing Smith described about the life of ancient inhabitants of America is correct. Despite Apostle Russell M. Nelson's talk to a select group admitting that Joseph used the stone-in-the-hat method to translate the Book of Mormon, he failed to give sufficient salient details such as the fact that the plates were often never in the same room as Smith; and he never consulted the plates during his supposed translation. This begs the question which the church avoids: Why all the fuss about a set of golden plates and magic peep stones - including the threat of death to anyone who saw the plates without permission - if they were not in view and he did not use them as a reference? (Russell M. Nelson, "Adapted from an address given 25 June 1992 at a seminar for new mission presidents, Missionary Training Center, Provo, Utah", can be found at http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_russellmnelson.html#pub_-777766216)

The next section deals primarily with purposeful deception by church leaders to protect the practice of polygamy. The practice instigated an almost constant stream of untruths, lies, or prevarications. It also introduced the practice of systematic character assassination. Some apologists have excused the leaders' dishonesty, and praised them instead for their extreme dedication to a principle they believed was revealed by God. This kind of apologetic logic would also praise those who strap bombs to their bodies or fly airplanes into skyscrapers driven by fanatical dedication to their particular religious beliefs.

17. One of Joseph Smith's first experiments with adultery began with a teen-age girl named Fanny Ward Alger who worked in the Smith home as a maidservant. William E. McLellin, Mormon apostle, indicated that Emma Smith "looked through a crack and saw the transaction" in the barn. (Richard Van Wagoner, Mormon Polygamy: A History, 2nd Edition, Signature Books, 1989, pages 4-11) The affair led to a severe rift between loyal follower Oliver Cowdery and Joseph. Cowdery referred to Smith's indulgences with Fanny Alger as "A dirty, nasty, filthy affair." Church leaders and loyal defenders avoid linking Smith with his adultery by calling it an authorized "plural marriage." Todd Compton, author of, In Sacred Loneliness: The Plural Wives of Joseph Smith, 2nd edition, notes that in February or March of 1833, when Joseph was 27 and Fanny Alger 17, he had sexual relations with her. After Emma found out about Joseph's secret love affair, she turned Fanny out of their house, where she had been working as a servant. (In Sacred Loneliness, pp. 34-36) It has been noted that calling it a marriage instead of an affair raises more questions. Polygamous marriages were not legal in Ohio, the man who married Ms. Alger and Smith had no authority to perform the illegal marriage, nor had God authorized Smith to enter into polygamous arrangements in 1833-1835.

18. The LDS Church canonized monogamy as God's marriage arrangement and then later did an about-face, adopting polygamy as God's recommended mode of marriage (D&C 42:22-24). Rumors about the Fanny Alger affair and rumors of another affair with Vienna Jacques, led to the development of an "Article on Marriage." LDS leaders presented it to the general assembly of the church on August 17, 1835. The article was canonized as scripture and placed in the Doctrine and Covenants where it remained until 1876. It acknowledged that the church [Joseph Smith] had been "reproached with the crime of fornication, and polygamy" and declared that "we believe, that one man should have one wife; and one woman but one husband..." (Linda King Newell and Valeen Tippets Avery, Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith, Prophet's Wife, "Elect Lady," Polygamy's Foe, Doubleday & Co. Garden City, NY, 1984, p. 67) The question arises again after Smith revised revelations from God: Which of God's revelations was "inspired"; the one recommending monogamy or the one recommending polygamy?

19. Joseph Smith institutionalized the practice of lying, so church leaders could deny the practice of taking multiple wives and keep Smith out of legal trouble. Straight-faced lies permitted leaders to deceive with a clear conscience; believing that God permitted and even encouraged lying to protect the principle.

An article from the 1886 Deseret News listed the code words and the rationale for their use. When accused of practicing "polygamy" Joseph and Hyrum denied it because it was different than "celestial marriage" and "a plurality of wives." Polygamy was after all, a doctrine of men and the devil. "Celestial marriage" was different Smith reasoned, because it was a holy doctrine revealed by God. Joseph wanted followers to believe that the two terms were completely dissimilar. Other code words were, "eternal marriage," "the divine order of marriage," "Holy order of marriage," "living up to your privileges," "new and everlasting covenant," and "a different view of things."

If accusers did not frame their allegations using precisely the right terms, the leaders felt justified in prevaricating. Even if the accusers framed their words perfectly, the leaders lied anyway. Their view was that it was more important to live the higher law - loyalty to the Prophet - than to expose the truth to Gentiles. A prominent feature of Mormonism is that loyalty trumps honesty. (Linda King Newell and Valeen Tippets Avery, Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith, p. 113. See also B. Carmon Hardy, Solemn Covenant: The Mormon Polygamous Passage, University of Illinois Press, 1992, p. 365. For an excellent treatment of loyalty and obedience vs. honesty see http://i4m.com/think/leaders/mormon_loyalty.htm and http://i4m.com/think/leaders/come_clean.htm)

20. Vienna Jacques of Nauvoo heard rumors about "spiritual wifery." She wanted Emma to ask Joseph if the rumors were true. Was "spiritual wifery" a doctrine of the church?" Emma asked and relayed Joseph's answer. Vienna reported, "he, [Joseph] had told her [Emma] to tell the sisters of the society ... "the whole idea was absolutely false and the doctrine an evil and unlawful thing." Joseph was secretly practicing plural marriage at the time. (Mormon Enigma, p. 114) Joseph prevaricated. He was actively practicing and teaching the principle.

21. Contrary to the traditional LDS claim that a first wife had to give her consent in order for her husband to take another wife, Emma Smith was unaware of nearly all of Joseph's "marriages" to other women. Eliza Snow, secretary to Emma in the Relief Society organization, as well as Sarah Cleveland, Emma's counselor, who was legally married to John Cleveland, were secretly married to Joseph, and Emma knew nothing about the marriages. According to Newell and Avery, "To live as a secret wife to a friend's husband demanded evasion, subterfuge, and deception." (Mormon Enigma, p. 119)

22. Joseph Smith secretly married 17 year old Sarah Ann Whitney in August 1842 without Emma's knowledge or consent. He had no intention of confessing his conduct to Emma. He wrote to Sarah and her parents who approved of the marriage, "The only thing to be careful of is to find out when Emma comes, then you can not be safe, but when she is not here, there is the most perfect safety... Burn this letter as soon as you read it." (Mormon Enigma, p. 125)

23. The Times and Seasons, August 1842 published an article defending Joseph. It quoted church scripture, the Doctrine and Covenants. " ... We declare that we believe, that one man should have one wife; and one woman, but one husband. We know of no other rule or system of marriage." The purpose of the article was to deny that Joseph had taught John C. Bennett the concept of spiritual wifery, after Bennett seduced several women in Nauvoo under the guise of God-inspired polygamy. The fact is that many of those who signed the declaration on monogamy were secretly practicing polygamy. Joseph had taught Bennett the principle, and the signatories knew it. (Mormon Enigma, p. 128) Mormons used the term spiritual wifery (the ungodly form of plural marriage) as an excuse to deny the charges. But they used the term themselves to describe the "right" version of polygamy before and after their exodus to Salt Lake. By denying that Bennett had been taught the concept of false practice of spiritual wifery, but not the true concept of eternal marriage church leaders felt justified. (B. Carmon Hardy, Solemn Covenant: The Mormon Polygamous Passage, University of Illinois Press, 1992, p. 365)

24. Joseph deceived Emma again when he married two other women (probably Martha McBride Knight and Ruth Vose Sayers) without her knowledge or consent in the winter of 1842-43. (Mormon Enigma, p. 134 and note 13)

25. Joseph secretly proposed to 19-year-old Nancy Rigdon in Nauvoo in 1842 (Smith was 36). He wanted her as a plural wife. She declined, so Joseph recruited another LDS woman to convince Nancy. She rejected that attempt too and insisted that she be permitted to leave. Smith dictated a letter and sent it to her. In it he tried to convince her that God revealed the practice to Joseph and ordered him to take multiple wives. Part of the letter read, "That which is wrong under one circumstance, may be, and often is, right under another ... . Whatever God requires is right, no matter what it is, although we may not see the reason thereof till long after the events transpire." Nancy showed the letter to her father, Sydney Rigdon. When Sydney questioned Joseph about it, he denied the whole affair. Joseph admitted to it only when Sydney showed Joseph the letter he had dictated and sent to Nancy. (Mormon Enigma, p. 119, and Van Wagoner, Mormon Polygamy, 2nd edition p. 32-33)

26. Martha Brotherton, an 18 year old convert from England in 1842, emigrated to Nauvoo, Illinois with her parents. Brigham Young approached Joseph Smith to ask if he could add Martha as another plural wife. Smith agreed and called a meeting with Young and Martha. She knew nothing of the agreement between them beforehand. And her parents were not invited, though she was a dependent minor. After Smith and Young tried to persuade her, Martha refused the offer of marriage. They encouraged her to lie to her parents and keep their proposal a secret and tried again and again to persuade her to accept Brigham's proposal. Martha finally appealed to them through tears and pleading that she be given time to think about the offer.

After being sworn to secrecy and permitted to leave the room, Martha revealed everything to her parents and wrote it down while the important details were fresh in her mind. She told others in Nauvoo about the episode before the family boarded a steamboat bound for St. Louis. She published her account in a St. Louis newspaper (St. Louis Bulletin, July 15, 1842, p. 2). Smith, stung by the article, immediately denied that the events Martha described took place. He went further. He issued false affidavits and statements that called Martha not only a liar, but also an apostate and "mean harlot." Smith used character assassination when he thought the situation warranted it; no matter how young his victim was. (Arza Evans, The Keystone of Mormonism, Keystone Books Inc., 2003, St. George Utah, pp. 20-21.)

27. Smith circulated false, lurid stories designed to blacken the character of those considered enemies when necessary. Character assassination convinced loyal followers that Smith's character was unimpeachable and rumors of his adultery were unfounded. In an article in the Messenger and Advocate (June 18, 1845 ) Sidney Rigdon acknowledged that Parley P. Pratt, advised church leaders how to support Smith, and advised that "we must lie to support brother Joseph, it is our duty to do so." Sarah Pratt, Martha Brotherton, and Nancy Rigdon are a few whose reputation was stained by Smith and his close associates.

28. Zeruiah Goddard, signed a false statement against Sarah Pratt. It was added to other slanderous and libelous statements as part of a smear campaign against Sarah; orchestrated by Smith. Goddard confessed to Sarah years later that Hyrum Smith (Joseph's brother), "came to our house with affidavits all written out, and forced us to sign them. Joseph and the Church must be saved, said he. We saw that resistance was useless, they would have ruined us; so we signed the papers." Church leaders felt comfortable breaking civil laws to promote polygamy, were willing to lie to protect polygamy, and willing to resort to character assassination in the form of slander and libel, of any who exposed Joseph's secret, illicit behavior. (Richard Van Wagoner, Mormon Polygamy: A History, 2nd edition, p. 34 and Footnote 12, p. 38)

29. On March 4, 1843 Joseph deceived Emma when he secretly married 19 year old Emily Partridge. Emily was urged to keep the marriage a secret and said, "Of course I would keep his secret." At some point, Emma weakened and gave Joseph, Emily and Eliza Partridge as plural wives. She may have misunderstood, and believed that Joseph would not consummate the marriages. Joseph participated in the fake ceremony, but neglected to tell Emma that he had already secretly married the two sisters some time before. (Mormon Enigma, p. 138)

30. On May 1, 1843, Joseph deceived Emma and others when he married 17 year old Lucy Walker while Emma was in St. Louis. Lucy admitted that Emma was not present and she did not consent to the marriage; "she did not know anything about it at all." (Mormon Enigma, p.139)

31. Without Emma's knowledge or consent, Joseph secretly "slept" with young Emily Partridge according to her own testimony under oath. She testified that she "roomed" with Joseph while Emma was somewhere else in the house on the night of their second marriage. It is likely that Emma did not understand that Joseph would have sexual relations with the two sisters Emma presented to him. (Mormon Enigma, p. 144) For information indicating that Joseph consummated his multiple marriages see http://i4m.com/think/history/joseph_smith_sex.htm

32. According to Benjamin F. Johnson, living in Ramus, Illinois, on May 16, 1843 Joseph shared a room with the "daughter [Eliza] of the late Bishop Partridge." This was without the knowledge or consent of Emma. (Mormon Enigma, p. 145)

33. Joseph deceived Emma when he proposed to 14 year old Helen Mar Kimball as a plural wife. She agreed to marry Joseph because he told her that it "will ensure your eternal salvation and exaltation and that ... of your fathers household and all of your kindred." She remarked, "I willingly gave myself to purchase so glorious a reward." She later admitted that she may have been deceived by her parents as well as Joseph. She stated, "I would have never been sealed to Joseph, had I known it was anything more than a ceremony." It is mind-boggling that Joseph Smith placed the responsibility for Helen's salvation, but also the salvation of her family squarely on Helen; in order to persuade (coerce?) her to submit to his proposal of marriage. She was 14 years and 11 months old. One is reminded of the modern Fundamentalists who use identical tactics. (Mormon Enigma, pp. 146-147; In Sacred Loneliness, p. 499)

34. Joseph Smith persuaded some women and girls to marry him by testifying that he had been commanded by and angel with a drawn sword to take multiple wives. "Joseph was commanded to take more wives and he waited until an angel with a drawn sword stood before him and declared that if he longer delayed fulfilling that command he would slay him."
- Hyrum Smith , Elder Benjamin F. Johnson's Letter to George S. Gibbs, 1903 (link can be found at http://i4m.com/think/history/angel_sword.htm)

35. Joseph's polygamous activities were unknown to the vast majority of the saints in Nauvoo. He publicly denied that he practiced plural marriage, showing the ability to consciously mislead his devoted followers without remorse. (Mormon Enigma, p. 147, and Mormon Polygamy, pp. 20-21) When Joseph was confronted about being married to other wives in Nauvoo he protested, "What a thing it is for a man to be accused of committing adultery, and having seven wives, when I can only find one." In fact, he was sealed to dozens of women at the time. (Solemn Covenant, p. 365)

36. Cyrus Walker defended Joseph in court after a particular arrest. In exchange, Joseph promised to deliver "the Mormon vote" to Cyrus (a Whig) when he ran for Congress. Later however, Joseph reneged on his promise by stating that Hyrum had received a revelation to vote for the opposition party (Mr. Hoge, a Democrat). Joseph stated that Hyrum had never received a false revelation, and in essence directed the church to vote for the candidate that Hyrum supported instead of Cyrus Walker. Joseph betrayed Cyrus and he did not forget it. Cyrus and others in the party (the Whigs) vowed to drive the Mormons out of the state. (Mormon Enigma, p. 148, 151. also An Intimate Chronicle: The Journals of William Clayton, George D. Smith editor, Signature Books, 1995, p. 114)

37. Joseph privately told William Clayton to keep a particular plural wife but that some of the membership would be troubled about it if they found out, since most of the saints believed Joseph's repeated denials about polygamy. Joseph cautioned Clayton that if "they raise trouble about it and bring you before me I will give you an awful scourging and probably cut you off from the church and then I will baptize you and set you ahead as good as ever." (An Intimate Chronicle, p. 122) Fake church discipline and excommunication were effective modes of deception. Smith used deception to shape public perception, and maintain control of the flock.

38. Official Mormon histories fail to inform readers of the competition to get as many plural wives as one could. William Clayton, close associate of Joseph Smith wrote on August 11, 1843 that with regard to marrying additional wives, Joseph told him, "You have a right to get all you can." (An Intimate Chronicle, p. 115) Those who accuse Smith of treating women like chattel use this incident as evidence. Other examples exist in the speeches of Brigham Young and Heber C. Kimball, made after the saints migrated to the West.

39. After receiving a promise from Joseph that he would stop the practice of polygamy (a lie), Emma Smith publicly announced that Joseph supported only the traditional standards of Christian marriage-one husband and one wife-as stated in the Doctrine & Covenants. Joseph secretly confided to some that he had no intention of keeping his promise to Emma. (Mormon Enigma, p. 175) William Clayton recorded in his journal that "Joseph told me that since E[mma] came back from St. Louis she had resisted the P[riesthood] in toto and he had to tell her he would relinquish all for her sake... .He however told me he should not relinquish anything." (An Intimate Chronicle p. 117; Emma had apparently threatened Joseph with divorce and in order to prevent it, Joseph lied.

40. In August 1843, Emma discovered that sixteen-year-old Flora Woodworth possessed a gold watch given to her by Joseph. She realized the implications and demanded that Flora give the watch back. Smith reprimanded her, but Emma refused to be quiet in the carriage ride home. William Clayton said that Joseph had to employ "harsh measures" to stop her complaining. (Mormon Enigma, p. 159) It also raises the question of whether or not Joseph used both physical force and lies to avoid divorce. (An Intimate Chronicle, p. 118)

41. The official history of the church states that the Relief Society was officially disbanded in 1844 shortly after being organized, "due to the various calamities that befell the saints." Those writing the official history as well as the leaders of the church knew it was actually disbanded because Emma Smith was an outspoken opponent of polygamy. (Mormon Enigma, p. 175) Joseph's public discourses and written ones (a letter from the presidency and an article entitled, "The Voice of Innocence," written by W. W. Phelps with Joseph's supervision, denied that polygamy was part of the doctrine of the Latter-day Saints. These documents were read in Relief Society meetings in Nauvoo and recommended as the standard by which saints should conduct themselves. Joseph needed to silence Emma and take away her forum. She quoted his denials as evidence that polygamy was not an inspired principle and not practiced by Smith. (Mormon Enigma, p. 175)

42. Official Mormon histories aware of the marital arrangements, withheld information about Joseph's polygamous marriages-namely that nearly a dozen of his first polygamous wives were legally married to other men at the time of their marriage to Joseph (polyandry). They have never admitted that Joseph practiced polyandry. (Todd Compton, In Sacred Loneliness: The Plural Wives of Joseph Smith, Signature Books, 1997 Introduction. See also http://i4m.com/think/history/Joseph_Smth_mens_wives.htm)Church instructional manuals often portray early church leaders as monogamists, and certainly do not disclose their penchant for deception.

43. Official Mormon histories deceive readers by failing to point out that Joseph exercised poor judgment, to say it most kindly, in choosing his friends and other church leaders. William Clayton's journal entry for May 16, 1843 records the following: "President J[oseph] said that the way he knew in whom to confide, God told him in whom he might place confidence." Many of Joseph's closest associates and those he trusted most brought damage to him and the church. John C. Bennett of Nauvoo was a classic example, yet Mormon histories reject the opportunity to fully investigate these inconsistencies, choosing instead to portray Joseph as the noble prophet who could discern the intentions of peoples' hearts. (Intimate Chronicle p. 102)

44. Official Mormon histories have publicized plural marriages as being as normal and as affectionate as monogamous marriages. Some may have been. However, Zina Diantha Huntington, when interviewed by a journalist from the New York World, in 1869, drew a distinction between romantic love and plural marriage. Commenting on women who were unhappy in their polygamous marriages, she said they "expect too much attention from the husband and ... become sullen and morose..." She insisted that the successful polygamous wife, "must regard her husband with indifference, and with no other feeling than that of reverence, for love we regard as a false sentiment; a feeling which should have no existence in polygamy." Lucy Walker, who had been sealed for time to Heber C. Kimball, after the death of Joseph Smith said, "There was not any love in the union between myself and Kimball, and it is my business entirely whether there was any courtship or not... It was the principle of plural marriage that we were trying to establish, a great and glorious true principle." (In Sacred Loneliness, pp. 108, 466-467)

45. Joseph lied about lying when the Expositor was published in Nauvoo, accusing him of lying. During the city council debate over some allegations made in the Expositor, Joseph declared that he had not kept the doctrine of polygamy secret but had taught it openly. William Clayton recorded however, that Emma Smith told him "it was the secret things which had cost Joseph and Hyrum their lives." (Solemn Covenant, p. 367)

46. Smith practiced polyandry but this fact is not published in official church instructional manuals. Brigham Young continued the practice after the martyrdom of Smith. In a particularly compelling example, which the church would understandably wish to suppress, Young desired Zina D. Huntington Jacobs. Smith had taken her as a plural wife with her husband Jacob's consent while six months pregnant in October 1841. Henry Jacobs believed that "whatever the Prophet did was right." Zina and Henry continued to live together as husband and wife though she would belong to Joseph Smith in eternity. (Mormon Polygamy, p. 45) It gets more bizarre.

During the trek west, at Mt. Pisgah, Iowa Brigham declared to Henry Jacobs, "the woman you claim for a wife does not belong to you. She is the spiritual wife of brother Joseph, sealed up to him. I am his proxy, and she, in this behalf, with her children are my property. You can go where you please, and get another but be sure to get one of your own kindred spirit." (Van Wagoner, Mormon Polygamy: A History 2nd Edition, p. 44) Young ordered Jacobs to serve a mission in England . Henry was sick and his low spirits robbed him of his health. He loved Zina and wrote letters expressing his love for her. Astonishingly he also remained faithful to Brigham Young. In a letter he wrote, "I do not blame any person or person, no- May the Lord our Father bless Brother Brigham and all purtains unto him forever...tell him for me I have no feelings against him nor never had... ." (Mormon Polygamy: A History, p. 45)

47. Lying became such an integral practice with the Latter-day Saints, church leaders instructed members how to lie about polygamy, according to the testimony of members given under oath. (Solemn Covenant, p. 365)

48. Loyalty was more important than honesty in the early church. Joseph's instruction to the Twelve in 1839 was that above all else, "do not betray your Friend." He frequently reminded members that they should honor friendships above all else even to death.

While the Danites (a Mormon vigilante group) were active in Missouri (1838) Justus Morse described how he and others were directed to help out a friend by lying-to "do it with such positiveness and assurance that no one would question our testimony." The greatest of evils according to Joseph in an 1839 address to the 12 were "sinning against the Holy Ghost and proving a traitor to the brethren." Smith confided that he deceived the saints by keeping secrets from them because they were "little children" unable to "bear all things now." Joseph counseled the Relief Society Sisters not to be overzealous in their search for wrongdoing and to be charitable toward the accused, after counseling them to seek out evil-doers months earlier. Stories about adultery and spiritual wifery especially aggravated him. (Solemn Covenant, pp.365-366)

49. In a well-publicized debate between John Taylor and a Protestant minister in 1850, John Taylor denied that the church practiced polygamy. At the time, he was the husband of multiple wives. (Solemn Covenant, p. 367) In a public discussion in Boulogne-Sur-Mer, France , he claimed, " ... I shall content myself by reading our views of chastity and marriage, from a work published by us, containing some of the articles of our Faith. Doctrine and Covenants, page 330 ... Inasmuch as this Church of Jesus Christ has been reproached with the crime of fornication and polygamy, we declare that we believe that one man should have one wife, and one woman but one husband, except in case of death, when either is at liberty to marry again (Tract published by John Taylor in 1850, p.8; found in Orson Pratt's Works, 1851 edition. Found in The Changing World of Mormonism, p. 261-262). Taylor knew that the real revelation on marriage was the one on plural marriage, but failed to admit it to his audience.

50. Orson Pratt admitted that when called upon to defend the practice of polygamy, he deliberately misled his listeners regarding the practice of polygamy. He did not consider this to be lying. It was done to protect a law higher than man's misguided laws. (Solemn Covenant, p. 367)

51. Charles W. Penrose, Apostle and Counselor to two Presidents of the Church, admitted that after Joseph's death, certain facts about him were purposely withheld from church publications "for prudential reasons." Expediency became more important than honesty; deception was accepted as a necessary tool, while grass roots members were commanded to be honest and disciplined for dishonesty. (Solemn Covenant, p. 367)

52. At the Mountain Meadows Massacre in 1857, 120 innocent men, women and children as young as eight years old, in an Arkansas wagon train party were murdered by Mormons. Amasa Lyman and George A. Smith, Mormon apostles, accused members who wanted to honestly testify to the facts of the case of seeking "to betray and expose their brethren into the hands of their enemies." (Solemn Covenant, p. 367) Members were threatened if they "betrayed" those who took part in the murders. To Mormon leaders, anyone who cooperated with law enforcement authorities investigating the murders was guilty of the sin of betrayal. Betrayal was worse than the massacre of 120 innocent men, women and children in the minds of Apostles Smith and Lyman. The events of 9-11-2001 are eerily similar to 9-11-1857, in the minds of some. Both acts of senseless murder were the result of fanatical and unquestioning obedience to religious authority. (Will Bagley, The Blood of the Prophets: Brigham Young and the Massacre at Mountain Meadows, pp. 157, 176-177)

53. Lying was so prevalent as an institutionalized scheme among church members during the 1860's-1880's, that John D. Hicks alleged that when "polygamists were prohibited from voting, the Mormons promptly swore that they were not polygamists; when those who taught or practiced polygamy were discriminated against, everybody immediately became silent on the subject; and when members of organizations which advocated polygamy were denied the ballot, they withdrew... from the Mormon Church" to become eligible to vote (Solemn Covenant, p. 368) This is reminiscent of the fake excommunication Joseph proposed to William Clayton in Nauvoo mentioned above.

53. Mormon "children in theocratic, territorial and polygamous Utah were taught to lie about family relationships, their parents' whereabouts, and even their own last names." (Solemn Covenant, p. 368) Mormon parents are conscientious about teaching their children to be honest and to obey the LDS prophets.

54. In a letter to President John Taylor in 1887, Charles W. Penrose expressed concern that "the endless subterfuges and prevarications which our present condition impose ... threaten to make our rising generation a race of deceivers." (Solemn Covenant, p. 368)

55. While lobbying on behalf of the First Presidency in Washington, in 1887, for statehood for Utah, Franklin S. Richards and John T. Caine prevaricated stating that polygamy was a "dead issue" in Utah and that it wouldn't be revived. They attempted to explain away the church's position on polygamy by saying that plurality was not a commandment and that "celestial" and "plural" marriages were not the same thing. This was wholly untrue yet their conduct received approval from the First Presidency. Apostle John Taylor admitted to church members in Nephi, Utah that the statements made in Washington were a "d----d lie." (Solemn Covenant, p. 369)

56. When explaining whether recommends were being issued to members to marry polygamously, one church authority said that "he no longer gave recommends for marrying plural wives but gave them for obtaining whatever blessings the Lord might bestow." He used these code words to subtly affirm that indeed recommends for plural marriage were still being issued, after assuring the American public that they weren't. (Solemn Covenant, p. 370)

57. The Manifesto of 1890 prohibiting polygamy, was in fact another attempt to dupe the U.S. government and to some extent, the church members into believing that the LDS church intended to comply with the mandate of the government to abandon polygamy. Members at that time generally fell into two groups: those who believed that the leaders only pretended to give in to government pressure to obtain statehood, and those who believed that the Manifesto was necessary as a hedge against discovery of the true facts about polygamy in Utah. Church leaders believed that if once given statehood, polygamy could be legalized by creating a provision for it in the new state constitution. A fervent belief in a strict interpretation of states' rights, fed their illusion. (Solemn Covenant, p. 370)

58. Thomas J. Rosser was a missionary in Wales in 1908. He asked his mission president Charles W. Penrose, if the 1890 Manifesto banning plural marriage was a revelation from God. Making "no" into a long answer, Penrose replied, "Brethren, I will answer that question, if you will keep it under your hats. I Charles W. Penrose wrote the manifesto with the assistance of Frank J. Cannon and John White... Wilford Woodruff signed it to beat the devil at his own game." The Manifesto, authored by Penrose, was submitted to a committee - Judges Charles S. Zane, C.S. Varian, and O.W. Powers, (nonmembers). The wording was changed slightly and the document was recopied by a clerk named Green. (Samuel Taylor, The Rocky Mountain Empire, New York, NY, MacMillan, 1978, p. 35) Current members are led to believe that the Manifesto was a sacred communication from God to church president Wilford Woodruff. Ample documentation exists to prove that the 1890 Manifesto was one more trick to beat the devil (federal government), as Penrose suggested. (D. Michael Quinn, LDS Church Authority and New Plural Marriages, 1890 - 1904, Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought, Spring 1985.)

59. In 1903 Wiley Nebeker of Afton, Wyoming wrote to apostle John Henry Smith complaining that the church made use of deceit and duplicity to further the practice of polygamy, while assuring the federal government that church leaders no longer condoned the practice. He wrote, "To be plain, while I am fully converted to the belief that this is a true principle, I am not converted to the idea that the Lord justifies deceit and falsehood." He did not believe saints ought to be forced into "apologizing to our own consciences." In response, apostle Smith perpetuated the dishonesty by spreading more disinformation. Rather than address the central issue of lying, Smith told Nebeker that the doctrine was true but no longer being practiced. This was a calculated lie. (Solemn Covenant, p. 371)

60. Florence, a daughter of Anthony W. Ivins asked her mother why her father seemed so upset following a meeting of the apostles and the First Presidency. Her mother told her that President Smith had said something in the meeting that greatly disturbed her father. President Smith said, he "would lie any day to save [his] ... brother." Florence said that it was her opinion that her father was troubled over the remark for the rest of his life. (Solemn Covenant, p. 372)

61. The practice of deception was frequently discussed in the leading councils of the church so leaders were counseled not to record notes from meetings in their personal diaries. President Joseph F. Smith was afraid that someone might read the diaries of George Q. Cannon and Abraham H. Cannon and use the information against the church. To this day, the church steadfastly refuses to allow researchers to examine the unabridged, uncensored diary of George Q. Cannon because of damaging evidence, indicating that Church leaders did engage in institutionalized, systematic deceit. (Solemn Covenant, p. 372)

62. After the 1890 Manifesto banning plural marriage, it appears that at least 250 plural marriages were performed despite repeated denials on the part of the church leadership that plural marriage was an official doctrine and practice. The church's current misinformation policy is effective because church members today and the media are still more likely than not, to believe that the Manifesto was a good faith effort on the part of church leaders to terminate the practice of polygamy. John Henry Smith is alleged to have remarked that the Manifesto was only "a trick to beat the devil at his own game." (Reed Smoot Case, vol. 4, p.13. Solemn Covenant, p. 392)

63. During the 1890s the church tried to answer the criticism of opponents that a theocracy existed in Utah and church leaders controlled all elections. Leaders instructed members to pretend to align with different political parties. George Q. Cannon was asked about the degree of honesty in this strategy. He said that the potential political gains that could be achieved made sincerity irrelevant in this case. (Solemn Covenant, p. 372) The church motto seems to have been, "act sincere even if you don't mean it."

64. Matthias F. Cowley stated in a hearing before the Quorum of the Twleve in 1911 that he had been chastised for asking for permission to pre-date post-1890 plural marriages to make them appear to have occurred before the Manifesto. He said he was trying to illustrate the "training I have had from those over me," which was to act with duplicity without asking for permission, in order to preserve the image of plausible deniability for the church hierarchy. (Solemn Covenant, p. 373)

65. Ironically, after claiming that he had been taught to lie by previous leaders, Matthias F. Cowley also claimed "I am not dishonest and not a liar and have always been true to the work and to the brethren... We have always been taught that when the brethren were in a tight place that it would not be amiss to lie to help them out." (Solemn Covenant, p. 373) The ability to compartmentalize reached its peak in the minds of church leaders who idolized Joseph Smith and who jousted with the federal government over polygamy.

66. Related to the above quote, Cowley quoted a member of the First Presidency who he said had taught him that "he [the member of the First Presidency] would lie like hell to help the brethren." (Solemn Covenant, p. 373)

67. Despite consistent denials that church leaders demanded complete and blind obedience, as well as the cloak of infallibility, members were told that when confronted with doubt, they should always subordinate their judgment to that of their priesthood leaders. Leaders indeed dictated matters from the most trivial to the most profound and far reaching. In fact, men refusing to go on missions were once told that they should anticipate relinquishing their wives for refusing to obey the Brethren. This is at odds with the claim by modern leaders and apologists that members of the LDS Church have always been admonished to exercise their own agency and think for themselves. (Solemn Covenant, p. 373) The same tension exists currently between one's individual agency and the church's demands for obedience, loyalty and conformity.

68. Though members were occasionally told to exercise their individual moral conscience and beware of blind obedience to their leaders, most often in common practice they were ordered not to question the judgment of their leaders. Brigham Young put it this way, "sheep must follow the Shepherd, not the shepherd the sheep." (Solemn Covenant, p. 374)

69. Modern leaders of the church have used general conference as a platform to condemn the practice of situational ethics. Yet Joseph Smith's letter to Nancy Rigdon sent to convince her to become a plural wife is the epitome of situational ethics. It said, "That which is wrong under one circumstance, may be, and often is, right under another .... Whatever God requires is right, no matter what it is, although we may not see the reason thereof till long after the events transpire .... But in obedience there is joy and peace unspotted." Mormons often translate teachings about unquestioning obedience, and treating leaders as infallible into: "You don't question things. If the church says it, you don't say yes or no, you go along." This principle and practice tends to relegate honesty to a lower priority than blind obedience and conformity to Church leaders. (Solemn Covenant, p. 374. Mormon Polygamy, p. 32. See also for an excellent treatment: http://www.i4m.com/think/leaders/mormon_loyalty.htm)

70. Henry S. Tanner explained that when he was forced to lie to protect himself or the church then the word he spoke (lies he told to civil authorities under oath) had no binding power. He believed that the Mormons would be regarded by God as having made no promises nor be accountable for lies told to protect the church. Tanner and others blamed the government for making them lie. Lying was elevated from duplicity and degraded communication to a religious duty. (Solemn Covenant, p. 374-375)

71. Carl A. Badger, who was not a church member, acted as a friend and counselor to the church during the Smoot hearings. During those hearings it was discovered that the church leaders had lied and deceived the federal government about its intentions to rid the church of polygamy. He concluded that the church had decided that some things were more important than honesty. He said that the result was moral confusion. George D. Kirby, writing in the Improvement Era in 1910, admitted as much when he answered charges that Mormons were deceitful. He wrote that there might be "truth in the charges." (Solemn Covenant, p. 376)

72. United States Senators participating in the Smoot hearings where church leaders repeatedly and systematically lied under oath, determined that the decision to lie to protect polygamy and church leaders' practice of it, ultimately led to charges of casuistry, secrecy, and moral contradiction. Many concluded that Mormon leaders consistently stood for honesty as long as their own affairs were not involved - when it was convenient. A gentile expressed it this way, "When any of us [non-members] sin ... we sin for our own sakes." But when a saint lied, it was done "for Christ's sake." (Solemn Covenant, p. 376)

73. The Salt Lake Tribune was at odds with the church in the late 19th century because of polygamy and the Church's control of civil government. Adding to the disgust of Tribune editors was that the church claimed to be the Lord's special vessel of truth, but so often refused to live up to the honor. Tribune editors rejected the claim that institutionalized lying and deception was necessary to protect the Lord's church. The paper claimed something hard to refute; that it was impossible "for a Mormon Elder to be a new polygamist without at the same time being a liar." Church leaders, compounded the problem by claiming that they had always been honest. (Solemn Covenant, p. 377)

74. Mormons were inventive in their ability to distort the truth to and at the same time, convince themselves that they were honest. B. Carmon Hardy has written, "In addition to semantic usages such as union and sealing, thus permitting denials of plural marriage, reference has also been made to instances involving the marrying of two wives on the same day; reliance on the fact that women were always sealed to men, allowing their husbands to deny that they had married polygamously; use of proxies; marrying a new wife legally, after the death of a prior legal spouse, while maintaining relationships with earlier plurals; the performance of ceremonies at sea or in foreign countries; and resort to concubinage. The variety of ruses employed will never fully be numbered." (Solemn Covenant, p. 377)

75. John Taylor received a revelation in 1886 said God revealed to him that those wishing to inherit the highest degree of the celestial kingdom must continue to live the principle of plural marriage, no matter what pressure was brought to bear against them. Ironically, modern polygamists point to the same divine revelation as their commission to carry out the dictate of the Lord's anointed, in order to keep plural marriage alive until the millennium. They also use lies, deception and codes to mislead law officers. Dorothy Allred Solomon confessed, "Although we were reared to treasure truth and cling to the light, our way of life was filled with secrets." This readiness to deceive has been referred to as "Mormon logic." Sometimes they "disobey a lesser law to keep a higher one." Another irony is that modern members are highly critical of the tactics of the modern polygamists, who borrowed the tactics from Mormon polygamists in the 1800's. (Solemn Covenant, p. 378)

76. One subtle way of deceiving government agents was for church members to say that the church had abandoned polygamy. The idea was that the church was an organization that had abandoned the practice. But individual priesthood leaders might still take new wives. Thus the idea was that though the church had abandoned the practice, the priesthood had not. This allowed church leaders to act in a dual role-either as corporate spokesman or individual priesthood holder. At least as far back as President John Taylor, it was understood that the responsibility for encouraging plural marriage had been taken from the church and extended to everybody "upon his own responsibility." (Solemn Covenant, p. 378-379)

77. Apostle John W. Taylor married Janet Maria Wooley as his third wife only four days after the Manifesto was presented and accepted in general conference. They married in a carriage in Liberty Park at night in Salt Lake City. The family intentionally backdated the marriage date to 10 October 1889. Apostle John W. Taylor married Rhoda and Roxie Welling on 29 August 1901 (11 years after the Manifesto). The ceremony was performed at the Taylor home in Farmington, Utah. Joseph F. Smith, who was acting as a counselor in the First Presidency, gave permission. The subterfuge was regarded as virtuous by church leaders. (Solemn Covenant 206-207)

78. Apostle Brigham Young Jr. took a plural wife the year before the 1890 Manifesto was published and another in August 1901, despite President Woodruff's insistence (in the Manifesto) that no such marriages had been solemnized prior to its publication. He must have known better, because Young was president of the Quorum of the Twelve apostles. Later, during the debate over B.H. Roberts attempt to take his seat as an elected representative to the House of Representatives, B. Young Jr. publicly asserted that President Snow's denials regarding the continued practice of polygamy in the church after the Manifesto were true.

79. Brigham Young Jr. was quoted as teaching that he had "naught but contempt for all forms of hypocrisy or deceit." His half-sister said of him, "He can keep still but must not deceive." Mormon leaders developed a blind spot when it came to their own dishonesty. (Solemn Covenant, pp. 207-208)

80. Apostle Marriner W. Merrill took a plural wife in the Logan Temple in 1901, well after the Manifesto was accepted as binding upon the church. He denied under oath in front of the Senate committee investigating Reed Smoot that he had married Hilda after 1890. Though the committee possessed solid evidence that he was lying he continued to insist that he was telling the truth. (Solemn Covenant, p. 208)

81. The son of Wilford Woodruff, Abraham Owen Woodruff married 18 year-old Eliza Avery Clark as a plural wife in 1901 (11 years after his father presented the Manifesto). She was previously engaged to a young man living in Wyoming where she resided with her family. After apostle Matthias F. Cowley persuaded her to marry Woodruff, she broke her engagement and consented to marry Woodruff. Cowley performed the ceremony in Preston, Idaho. (Solemn Covenant, pp. 208-209) Modern church members might be stunned to learn of the disregard for the law demonstrated by church leaders. In a modern members' mind it would conflict with the covenant to obey the laws of the land. (D&C 134:1 "We believe that governments were instituted of God for the benefit of man; and that he holds men accountable for their acts in relation to them... .")

82. Apostle Rudger Clawson married a plural wife in 1904 (14 years after the Manifesto had been accepted as binding on the church). He married Pearl Udall as a second wife with his wife's consent. Apostle Marriner W. Merril spoke directly to younger members of the Quorum of the Twelve and advised them not to neglect the opportunity to build up a kingdom for themselves (a euphemism for polygamy). Clawson took the command from his superior seriously, though it meant contradicting the Manifesto. After the marriage, Merrill counseled young Clawson to mislead those looking for evidence of post-Manifesto plural marriages by writing misleading entries in a diary, or simply neglecting to record them. (Solemn Covenant, p. 211)

83. Abraham Hoagland Cannon (an LDS apostle) married Annie Cannon after President Woodruff gave him consent to do so, in 1894, four years after the Manifesto declared an end to all plural marriages. What adds interest to this form of deceit is that Annie was taken as a concubine. Apparently church leaders had considered this practice from 1843 on when the revelation to Joseph about plural marriage mentioned that the Lord approved concubinage.

84. Church members deny that the LDS church condoned or practiced concubinage (carrying on a relationship with a woman outside the bonds of marriage - adultery), and insist that LDS men always married honorably. George M. Cannon suggested the concubinage method to Abraham Cannon (his son) and said, "I believe in concubinage, or some plan whereby men and women can live together under sacred ordinances and vows until they can be married." He insisted that such relationships must be kept secret until the government changed its laws. He added that concubinage would open up a way to take care of "our surplus girls" as well as fulfill the command to multiply and replenish the earth. Despite protests by contemporary Mormons that polygamy established high standards of decency and morality, and was different than adultery or keeping mistresses, Cannon's behavior proves otherwise. Fifteen lines are cut out of his diary for October 1894, three days after his visit with Annie and Uncle George Q. Cannon, where the suggestion regarding concubinage was made. Though Annie lived to be 79 years of age, there is no record of her having been married. She is said to have accompanied Abraham Cannon on numerous excursions and she refused a proposal for marriage from prominent LDS member, Heber Bennion. (Solemn Covenant, pp. 214-215)

85. President George Q. Cannon appears to have entered into a concubinage-like relationship with Amelia Madsen one year before his death and well after the Manifesto was presented. She was past child-bearing age. (Solemn Covenant, p. 215)

86. Joseph F. Smith performed a secret marriage for Abraham H. Cannon and Lilian Hamlin. The four; Abraham and Lilian, and Joseph F. and a wife, traveled by train to California. On the way to Catalina Island by boat, the marriage was solemnized on the vessel. LDS Leaders believed that solemnizing marriages on water permitted them to say they had not performed marriages "in" the U.S. - or "on U.S. soil." Abraham contracted an ear infection on the trip and after returning home to Salt Lake died. Before expiring he confessed to Wilhelmina, his first wife that he had married Lilian Hamlin and she presumed that Joseph F. Smith had performed the ceremony since he was the only authority of the church present. Nevertheless, during the Smoot hearings Joseph F. Smith consistently denied having performed the marriage. Those who have investigated the facts have little trouble dismissing Joseph F. Smith's denials as pure prevarications. To further confuse those who might be interested in the marriage, Joseph F. Smith traveled under the assumed name Orson Smith, a code name for his own person. It allowed Smith to deny that he (Joseph F. Smith) performed the ceremony. (Solemn Covenant, 219-220)

87. Apostle George Teasdale married a plural wife, Marion Scoles secretly in October of 1897. His diary entries for the 23rd to the 28th are missing. These are the dates when the couple traveled together and were married. He later married another wife, Letitia Dolly Thomas on 17 May 1900. Teasdale divorced Lillias Hook, a former wife to try avoid scandal, because the Salt Lake Tribune had begun to investigate the matter. President Joseph F. Smith told the Smoot committee that Lillias had never been a real wife to Teasdale-only an elderly housekeeper. She had been sealed to Teasdale in name only as a favor to her, Smith told the committee. To the contrary, Lillias was only 35 when she was married to Teasdale, hardly elderly. She was 8 years younger than Teasdale. Teasdale's divorce complaint from Lillias stated that she was unable to have sexual intercourse. Yet he remained married to her for decades before divorcing her. Incongruously, the records of the Twentieth Ward in SLC where Lillias lived, list one George Vivian Teasdale, born on 11 June 1896, and name George and Lillias Teasdale as the parents. (Solemn Covenant, 221-226)

88. Bogus divorce in order to mislead authorities was a ploy sometimes used in Mormon polygamous families. The logic was that if a fake divorce was necessary to live the higher law of polygamy it was acceptable. Also, Mormons believed that earthly divorce was not binding in heaven anyway. In the eyes of the Lord, the couple was still married. (Solemn Covenant, 226-227)

89. Ninety year-old President Wilford Woodruff took a new plural wife in 1897 one year before his death. He married Lydia Mamreoff von Finkelstein Mountford who was a 49 year-old. She was a guest lecturer in Salt Lake City, having been invited by James E. Talmage. President Woodruff was captivated by her. She was baptized in February 1897. They traveled together to California and used assumed names when registering in a hotel in Portland, Oregon. Between 20 and 22 September 1897, they were married while sailing back to Portland from California. Mountford was the legal wife of Charles Edwin Mountford. This would not be the first instance of plural marriage to a woman still legally married. Joseph Smith practiced that concept at least 11 times (In Sacred Loneliness, pp. 15-23). It has always been postulated that whatever others did after the Manifesto, President Woodruff had honored the "revelation." The marriage was later solemnized by proxy in the Salt Lake Temple in 1920. (Solemn Covenant, 228-232)

90. The LDS leaders' constant use of prevarication turned friends against them. Theodore Schroeder, once friendly to the Mormons became a bitter enemy when he discovered the extent of the deceit used by church leaders and members alike. In 1897 he wrote essays exposing the continued practice of polygamy, despite denials issued by the church. He set out to prove that the church had consistently lied about its involvement with polygamy since the Nauvoo period. (Solemn Covenant, 246)

91. B. H. Roberts admitted taking plural wives as late as April 1890 during the Smoot Hearings, contradicting President Woodruff's statement in the Manifesto that no such marriages had taken place in the year preceding the Manifesto. Roberts was probably lying about the year he married his last plural wife, Dr. Milford Shipp. She was still legally married and lived with her husband until 1892. The marriage to Roberts most likely occurred in 1894. Roberts managed to expose both he and President Woodruff as deceivers at the same time. (Solemn Covenant, 247)

92. When B.H. Roberts was elected to the House of Representatives after Utah became a state, the House voted to exclude him because an investigation revealed that Roberts was engaged in polygamous marriage and that one of his wives had married him after the Manifesto. Since it was a clear violation of the law of the land, and he and the LDS leadership had ignored society's legal code, he was declared unfit for office. A petition was circulated demanding that B.H. Roberts be denied a seat in Congress. Seven million citizens signed it and it was presented to Congress. Those considered enemies by church leaders were provided a national platform to advertise abundant evidence of dishonesty on the part of Mormon church leaders and members. (Solemn Covenant, 249, 250)

93. Reed Smoot was elected to the United States Senate in 1902 and federal lawmakers protested immediately. He was sworn into office in March 1903. But government authorities feared that Smoot was a polygamous sympathizer, though he was not a polygamist himself. It was also a well established fact that the church had engaged in deception for decades to evade the law. Because of the church's reputation for dishonesty, the Smoot investigation lasted more than 3 years (1904-1907) and resulted in over 3,000 pages of sworn testimony. The scope of the inquiry broadened to include the history, theology and culture of Mormonism itself. If the citizens of the U.S. doubted the honesty and veracity of the Mormon leaders and their people before the hearings, afterward they did not doubt due to mountains of testimony and documented evidence. The Mormons were guilty of unending prevarication. (Solemn Covenant, 251)

94. President Joseph F. Smith was the first witness called and placed under oath to tell the whole truth before the Smoot investigation. His testimony may have been the most damaging. He pled incredible ignorance concerning the polygamous activities that he personally permitted and encouraged. Yet he admitted to fathering children by 5 wives since 1890, after the Manifesto had been issued. He categorically denied that Presidents Woodruff and Snow had authorized polygamous marriages after the Manifesto. He knew that to be false. He went on to say that he had not heard anyone "advocate, encourage or recommend" plural marriages since the Manifesto. This was false. U.S. leaders and citizens joined with the LDS members in disbelief that President Smith would blatantly lie under oath-denying what others plainly knew to be true. One witness suggested tongue in cheek that President Smith was using his words differently than the way most people use them. (Solemn Covenant, 253)

95. Mormon apologist histories complain about the "persecution" heaped upon President Smith at the hearings, and praise his dignified responses. The truth is the constant stream of duplicity and lies increased the hostility toward Mormons. Most were disgusted with the Mormon Prophet, Seer, and Revelator who refused to come forth with a degree of honesty while under oath before the Senate hearings. (Solemn Covenant, 253-254)

96. George Reynolds antagonized hearing participants when he lied about knowing that his own daughter had married Benjamin Cluff (president of the Brigham Young academy) as a plural wife. He made the fantastic claim that since the Manifesto was issued 13 years prior, he had never spoken to anyone either for or against the practice. Reynolds had to be persuaded by Smoot to refrain from testifying that though his daughter was married, he knew nothing about it. (Solemn Covenant, 253-254)

97. Under oath at the Smoot hearings, Hyrum M. Smith, son of President Joseph F. Smith testified that he had no recollection of the subject of polygamy being discussed in any of the meetings of the Quorum of the Twelve. Then he contradicted himself by assuring the committee that if the subject was discussed, the Twelve were urged to stamp out the practice. Both statements were lies. (Solemn Covenant, 254)

98. Francis M. Lyman lied under oath when he told investigators that although everyone else in Utah was aware of continued cohabitation with plural wives, Senator Smoot was unaware of the practice. The interrogator followed that response and inquired if Smoot was uninformed about the state he was supposed to represent. Lyman contradicted himself by stating that Smoot was probably better informed than anyone else about domestic practices in the state he represented. To make matters worse, Lyman claimed that he was being guided by the Spirit of the Lord in his responses. When the interrogator asked Lyman if he was blaming the Lord for the contradictions (lies) within his testimony, Lyman had no reply. He added later that polygamy was a mystery of the kingdom. (Solemn Covenant, 254)

99. Under oath, Apostle John Henry Smith testified that he couldn't remember his own birth date, as well as other easily recalled facts about his life that he claimed he could not recollect. (Solemn Covenant, 254)

100. Apostle Marriner W. Merrill swore that he had taken no plural wives since the Manifesto, though it was widely known that he had taken one in 1901 (eleven years after the Manifesto). (Solemn Covenant, 254)

101. Senator-to-be Reed Smoot, testified that he had no knowledge that "any apostle or any member of the Presidency" had taken a plural wife since 1890, except for the cases he learned of at the hearings. This was demonstrably false as later testimony by Smoot illustrated, when he contradicted himself. (Solemn Covenant, 255)

102. Under oath at the Smoot hearings, President Joseph F. Smith testified that church inquiries into polygamous marriages or the arrangement of plural marriages by church leaders in Salt Lake was an issue delegated to the local units to investigate. He did this despite being one of those, along with other church leaders, who orchestrated the marriages. (Solemn Covenant, 255)

103. President Smith promised under oath to arrange for church leaders from Salt Lake to cooperate and appear before the Smoot hearings to testify about the issue of polygamy in Utah. Yet, after returning to Salt Lake, he wrote to Senator Burrows that several apostles could not travel to the hearings on account of ill health. He wrote that he could not persuade apostles Taylor and Cowley to appear. These excuses qualify as pre-meditated deceit. President Smith had the power to require the apostles to appear. To compound the deception, Teasdale and others who supposed to be suffering from fragile health took several long journeys ( Mexico , Arizona and Canada ), and the trips had no ill effects on their health. In fact, Teasdale traveled to Mexico and Canada to run beyond the grasp of the interrogators at the Smoot hearings. (Solemn Covenant, 256-257)

104. Church leaders attempted to persuade Anthony W. Ivins to sign an affidavit that they knew to be categorically untrue. Being a rare LDS man of conscience, Ivins refused to sign it. The purpose of the document was to certify that no plural marriages occurred in Mexico after the Manifesto. Most members are unaware that church leaders pressured others to lie. (Solemn Covenant, 257)

105. Because of the damaging testimony at the Smoot hearings, public perception of the Mormons was that they and their leaders were liars. Mountains of false testimony supported this perception. Smoot wanted the leaders to take steps to repair the damage they had caused at the hearings. Consequently, President Smith read a statement that compounded the problem of negative perception. The statement denied that plural marriages had been performed in the church after the Manifesto, and denied that new plural marriages were being performed currently. Both statements were false. In fact, he had sanctioned many marriages since the Manifesto. He also stated that those who had had marriages solemnized since the Manifesto were subject to excommunication from the church. This was also a lie. Finally, Smith blasted the committee for accusing church leaders of being dishonest. (Solemn Covenant, 259-260)

106. Apostle Francis M. Lyman sent a message to Apostle Teasdale and admitted that plural marriages performed after the Manifesto (supposedly bringing a stop to the practice) had shaken the confidence of the members in their leaders. He also admitted to Teasdale that church leaders were perceived to be dishonest and untrustworthy because of their deception in the Smoot hearings. (Solemn Covenant, 261) Current LDS apologists are reluctant to admit dishonesty on the part of their leaders, or they find creative ways to characterize their behavior as noble and praiseworthy; as if they had no choice. Prophets who claim to commune with God, and direct the only true church on earth, are placed on pedestals as models of virtue. Current church members assume that LDS leaders are men of principle.

107. After the statement (1904) denying that plural marriages were being performed currently, and that those participating in them would be excommunicated, church leaders ordered Anthony W. Ivins in Mexico , to quickly marry at least two couples who had intended to marry polygamously before word of the statement was officially taken personally to outlying Mormon settlements. This action contradicted the letter as well as the spirit of the statement read by President Smith in the April 1904 conference. (Solemn Covenant, 261)

108. When many in the federal government became weary of the church's lies, deception and cover-up of the true facts involving polygamy, Democrats considered placing an anti-polygamy plank in the 1904 national platform; to propose an amendment to the constitution prohibiting polygamy. Church leaders entered a damage control mode and scurried to placate the leaders of the nation. It was suggested that apostles John Taylor and Matthias Cowley be offered as sacrificial lambs, to create the idea in Washington that the church was serious about stamping out the practice of polygamy. When in doubt, resort to deception seemed to be their guiding principle.

109. Both men were assured that the action was only a temporary separation from the quorum of the Twelve, in order to appease lawmakers in Washington. After being told President Smith himself would quickly reinstate them, they finally agreed to be cut off and were separated from the quorum on October 28, 1905. The two apostles were not the only two leaders who had participated in the practice after the Manifesto. The sacrificial brethren and the church leaders were both losers because of the deceptive maneuvering. The leaders miscalculated, never intending to: (1) abandon polygamy, or (2) cut off those actively practicing polygamy.

110. The leaders did not keep their word to apostles Taylor and Cowley. They were never reinstated due to the public pressure to convince lawmakers that their punishment was real. Both were cut off from the church in 1911, because church leaders made up their minds to abandon polygamy. Some church members thought that the authorities had gone too far to placate the government while others were relieved. Lies and deception about polygamy caused church members to contend for one side or the other: (1) maintain the practice despite government penalties, or (2) rid the church of the practice. (Solemn Covenant, 261-266)

111. After the Smoot hearings, and after dropping Elders Taylor and Cowley from the Quorum of the Twelve and the church, LDS leaders became serious about putting an end to the practice of polygamy. When members were caught, the church councils began to discipline them (as they claimed they had been doing decades earlier). Joseph W. Summerhays was apprehended and charged with illegally entering the practice. He identified President Joseph F. Smith as the church leader who gave him permission to practice polygamy. President Smith denied the charge. Those leaders eager to excommunicate Summerhays were stunned that President Smith likely gave his consent so it was decided to drop Summerhays from his church position rather than excommunicate him. Smith refused to admit his considerable role in keeping the practice alive. (Solemn Covenant, 291)

112. President Smith addressed the practice of polygamy in the April 1911 conference and once again affirmed that the church was keeping its word regarding the cessation of plural marriages, including the punishment of those found practicing it. Senator Reed Smoot knew differently however. He tried to persuade President Smith to actually do what the church told the government it was doing-take action against those who were engaging in the practice. He sensed what President Smith didn't. Americans would not tolerate polygamy any longer. He wrote, "If there is another investigation I do not know how [our] present position will be justified .... We are in a bad position for an examination or investigation." Contrary to what the leaders were telling the government, they were still reluctant to stop the practice or bring action against those who engaged in it. (Solemn Covenant, 294)

113. Church leaders did not hesitate to deceive when they engaged in Post-Manifesto marriages well after 1904. While members resided in Mexico , their leaders promised them eternal rewards for taking other wives and refusing to be intimidated by government threats. When they moved to the United States , they were treated with humiliation and disgust by fellow members who were embarrassed to be associated with those breaking the law. One member took his wives into New Mexico from Texas and was accused of white slavery. Another member attended a church meeting in the states with his plural wives and quickly became the object of scorn. The double tongued approach to plural marriage on the part of church leaders led to confusion and disillusionment among its members. Practicing polygamous fundamentalists learned from LDS leaders that deception is no sin if you're protecting polygamy. (Solemn Covenant, 296-297)

114. Church leaders deceived its members when they redefined the term "celestial marriage." Until the 1880's it had referred exclusively to plural marriage. To mislead government authorities, leaders claimed that "celestial marriage" meant only a marriage that survived death; though they never subscribed to this meaning themselves. During the Smoot hearings leaders used this deceptive maneuver to mislead investigators. This deception proved helpful in Idaho where the constitution prohibited those practicing or teaching "celestial marriage" from voting. Yet, as late as 1904, leaders privately used the term "celestial marriage" to refer to polygamy. In order to distance itself from polygamy, the church finally adopted the new meaning of "celestial marriage." Modern members in the mainstream of the church do not understand that "celestial marriage" originally referred to polygamy alone. Current church leaders perpetuate the deception. (Solemn Covenant, 297-298)

115. A member of the First Presidency organized a legislative strategy committee to influence legislation in 1896. It informed member legislators that the committee's action "must be obeyed." Newspapers later informed its readers that the committee was operational. Ed Ivins, reporter for the Salt Lake Herald, questioned each member of the committee, trying to confirm the existence of the committee. "Every Mormon General Authority told partial truths and downright misrepresentations" during this episode. In other words, they denied the existence of a committee that they knew existed. (Edward Leo Lyman: Mormon Leaders in Politics, Journal of Mormon History, Vol. 24, No. 2, Fall 1998, pp. 46-49)

116. The church's official position on blacks and the priesthood was that it was a doctrine revealed to Joseph Smith by the Lord. Missionaries issued this standard message when answering investigators' questions. There is no evidence that Joseph Smith ever received a revelation denying black Africans the priesthood. On the contrary, Elijah Abel, a black man, was ordained a Seventy, and Joseph likely permitted the ordination of at least one other black member to the Mormon priesthood. (Lester E. Bush Jr. Mormonism's Negro Doctrine: An Historical View, Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought, Volume 8, No. 1, Spring 1973)

117. Brigham Young formally instituted the ban on priesthood to males with African blood. In an address before the territorial legislature on January 16, 1852, Wilford Woodruff recorded that Brigham said that persons having "one drop of the seed of [Cain] ... in him cannot hold the priesthood and if no other Prophet ever spake it before I will say it now..." Young also went further and declared that if a white person should marry a black person, they would both be required to give their lives in blood atonement (including any offspring that resulted in the union) in order to be forgiven by God for their sin (equal to murder in seriousness). (Lester E. Bush Jr. Mormonism's Negro Doctrine: An Historical View, Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought, Volume 8, No. 1, Spring 1973 and Lester E. Bush Jr. and Armand L. Mauss Editors, Neither White nor Black, `"Mormonism's Negro Doctrine: An Historical Overview," Signature Books, Midvale, UT, 1984: 68, 89-90) The church has never admitted that Brigham Young invented the policy based on Young and others' personal prejudices, common to that era.

118. The church's doctrine and practice of denying those with African blood the priesthood until 1978 resulted in a negative public image for the church and its members. To defend themselves, church leaders claimed that the doctrine was never the result of racial prejudice. This is contradicted by numerous statements of its leaders. Brigham Young taught that blacks were created to be slaves, they "were naturally designed for that purpose, and [their] capacities are more befitting that, than any other station in society." He reiterated that they "are naturally designed to occupy the position of 'servant of servants'." He cautioned that members should not "elevate them, as some seem disposed, to an equality with those who Nature and Nature's God has indicated to be their masters, their superiors ..." Brigham Young signed into law acts legalizing Negro and Indian slavery, in his capacity as Territorial governor. While it can be argued that many whites felt this way during the 1800s, one is reminded that the Mormons claim that God engages in direct communication and inspires their leaders. Brigham Young's statements do not reflect God-inspired ideals that are more compassionate than the ignorant, prejudice demonstrated by other ordinary 19th century humans. In fact Young's statements do not rise to the level of the enlightened few who sought equal rights and social justice for all.

119. Further evidence of Mormon prejudice against African Americans can be found in the Utah legislature's refusal to pass public accommodation and fair employment bills on at least four occasions between 1945 and 1951. Utah joined the nation in discriminating against blacks in hotels, restaurants, movie theaters and bowling alleys-they were not allowed to associate with whites. In Washington DC some Relief Society sisters objected to sitting beside "two colored sisters who are apparently faithful members of the church." The First Presidency responded to the situation by suggesting that the two "colored sisters" be "discretely approached" and told to sit in the rear of the chapel or far on the other side away from others. (Neither White nor Black, edited by Lester Bush and Armand Mauss, 68, 89-90)

120. Apostle Mark E. Petersen made these racist statements. "It isn't that he [the Negro] just desires to go to the same theater as the white people. From this, and other interviews I have read, it appears that the negro seeks absorption with the white race. He will not be satisfied until he achieves it by intermarriage. That is his objective and we must face it. We must not allow our feeling to carry us away, nor must we feel so sorry for negroes that we will open our arms and embrace them with everything we have. Remember the little statement that we used to say about sin, 'First we pity, then endure, then embrace." (Convention of Teachers of Religion on the College Level, Brigham Young University, August 27, 1954. Found in Shadow or Reality? page 279.) LDS apologists insist that Petersen was not offering official views of the LDS leadership. LDS leaders have never offered an official repudiation of Petersen's statement.

121. Telling the truth in the church's official histories has been branded as disloyal by more than one LDS leader. In 1976 Elder Ezra Taft Benson defined true historical accuracy as "slander and defamation." He warned CES employees and historians about trying to "inordinately humanize the prophets of God." He further commanded CES employees, "If you feel you must write for the scholarly journals, you always defend the faith." The same employees were instructed not to buy journals and books and periodicals from "known apostates, or other liberal sources." Finally, he commanded CES employees to keep those same materials off their office bookshelves. (Lavina Fielding Anderson, "The LDS Intellectual Community and Church Leadership: A Contemporary Chronology." Vol. 26 No. 1 Spring 1993, Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought, 11) When Mormons declare that all members may freely express their views about Mormon leadership and history, they may be ignorant of the facts or trying to deceive their audience. Views not in keeping with a faith promoting theme are not welcome.

122. On February 26, 1980, Apostle Ezra Taft Benson gave a talk at BYU entitled Fourteen Fundamentals in Following the Prophet." In it, he taught that the prophet "is the only man who speaks for the Lord in everything," and "the living prophet is more vital to us than the standard works," and The prophet will never lead the church astray," etc. When asked if Elder Benson's speech was an accurate reflection of church doctrine, public communications spokesman, Don LeFevre, said that it was accurate. Yet, he denied a newspaper report that stated that the president of the Church "is God's prophet and his word is law on all issues-including politics."

123. Members and leaders use standard denials when asked if the LDS Prophet is infallible. But President N. Eldon Tanner of the First Presidency wrote a message in the August 1979 Ensign that stated emphatically, "When the prophet speaks the debate is over." The editors of the Ensign neglected to mention that when a church magazine made a similar statement in the late 1940's, President George Albert Smith denied that it was a true statement (in a private letter to a Protestant minister). (Lavina Fielding Anderson, Vol. 26 No. 1 Spring 1993, Dialogue, 11, 13) In practice, LDS prophets are treated as if they are infallible. Temple recommend interviews inquire of members: "Do you sustain the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the Prophet, Seer, and Revelator and as the only person on the earth who possesses and is authorized to exercise all priesthood keys? Do you sustain members of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as prophets, seers, and revelators? Do you sustain the other General Authorities and local authorities of the Church?" (http://www.lds-mormon.com/new_temple_questions.shtml) To "sustain" in LDS parlance means to do what they say. This kind of regular interrogation is non existent in mainline denominations.

124. Boyd Kirkland wrote Building the Kingdom with Total Honesty. It's found in Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought Volume 31, Number 3, Fall 1998 "Letters to the Editor." In it he recounted his experience with deception about the Adam-God doctrine when Spencer W. Kimball was the church president. He learned that lying was the method the church used as standard operating procedure to keep from losing its members. After discovering that the leaders of the church were deliberately deceiving him he asked, "Wasn't there concern that some might be dismayed and disillusioned by their church leaders' lack of candor? ... .they said, in essence, 'If a few people lose their testimonies over this, so be it; it's better than letting the true facts be known, and dealing with the probable wider negative consequences to the mission of the church." (http://www.lds-mormon.com/boyd.shtml)

125. D. Michael Quinn published an article that documented approximately 250 plural marriages that occurred after the Manifesto, with the authorization of the leaders of the church ("LDS Church Authority and New Plural Marriages," 1890-1904), Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought, Vol. 18, No. 1, Spring 1985, pages 9-105). A stake president confiscated Quinn's temple recommend as a result of the article. He admitted to Quinn that he had been told to say that it was a local decision, though Elder Paramore (a Seventy), who gave the instructions to the stake president, was acting on instructions from several apostles. He also warned Quinn that it probably was a first step to having him fired for not holding a valid temple recommend. A valid temple recommend is a condition of employment for those who teach for BYU and the Church Education System. (Anderson, Vol. 26 No. 1 Spring 1993, Dialogue, 25)

126. After publishing their award winning book about Emma Smith, Valeen Tippetts Avery and Linda King Newell were blacklisted from speaking in church meetings. The instructions to local leaders came by telephone from church headquarters. Many misrepresentations include the charge that the authors were peddling their book at sacrament meetings and firesides. In fact, only one author had spoken at one sacrament meeting after the publication of the book and never sold a book herself. She even asked those introducing her NOT to introduce her as the co-author of the new book. The charges though untrue were never recanted. (Anderson, Vol. 26 No. 1 Spring 1993, Dialogue, 25)

127. Former BYU professor David Knowlton, in a television interview airing August 16, 1992, (KXVS, Channel 4) in Salt Lake, said, "I'm ashamed, frankly, of a church that doesn't want to tell the truth. I'm ashamed of institutional lying." His comments stemmed from the church's denial, then admission that a committee existed within the church that keeps files on the activities on its members. It sends the files to local church leaders with instructions to interrogate them about their commitment to the church. The committee is active currently (Anderson, Vol. 26 No. 1 Spring 1993, Dialogue, 46-47).

128. Despite assurance from Elders James E. Faust and Russell M. Nelson that files kept on members of the church are not secret, requests by several members to see their own files are denied. (Anderson, Vol. 26 No. 1 Spring 1993, Dialogue, 50) This is an example of dissembling General Authority Mormon-speak.

129. Current LDS apostles are refreshingly honest about ordering church members to be dishonest. They have ordered those who employed by the church to suppress the truth about Mormon history.

--Boyd Packer declared, "There is a temptation for the writer or the teacher of Church history to want to tell everything, whether it is worthy or faith promoting or not."

"Some things that are true are not very useful." (Boyd K. Packer, "The Mantle is Far, Far Greater Than the Intellect", 1981, BYU Studies, Vol. 21, No. 3, pp. 259-271) He threatened and warned Church Education System Employees to suppress historical information when teaching LDS students.

--Dallin Oaks said, it's one thing to criticize the head of a corporation of person in government but "It is quite another thing to criticize or depreciate a person for the performance of an office to which he or she has been called of God. It does not matter that the criticism is true. " (Dallin H. Oaks, "Reading Church History," CES Doctrine and Covenants Symposium, Brigham Young University, 16 Aug. 1985, page 25. also see Dallin H. Oaks, "Elder Decries Criticism of LDS Leaders," quoted in The Salt Lake Tribune, Sunday August 18, 1985, p. 2B) This was another salvo fired over the bows of Church Education System employees, warning them not to teach LDS students the whole truth about Mormon history.

--Oaks also wrote this in the church's official magazine. "A different principle applies in our Church, where the selection of leaders is based on revelation, subject to the sustaining vote of the membership. In our system of Church government, evil speaking and criticism of leaders by members is always negative. Whether the criticism is true or not, as Elder George F. Richards explained, it tends to impair the leaders' influence and usefulness, thus working against the Lord and his cause." (Apostle Dallin H. Oaks, "Criticism," Ensign, Feb. 1987, page 68)

--Apostle Russell M. Nelson said, " "Indeed, in some instances, the merciful companion to truth is silence. Some truths are best left unsaid... .Any who are tempted to rake through the annals of history, to use truth unrighteously, or to dig up "facts" with the intent to defame or destroy, should hearken to this warning of scripture:" He then quoted from the Romans 1:17-18 - a threat to the ungodly to beware of the wrath of God. (Russell M. Nelson, "Truth-and More," Ensign, Jan. 1986, page 69)

The message from current leaders is clear. Pretend that the LDS leaders are infallible, obey and conform. For easy access to these and other statements see http://i4m.com/think/leaders/mormon_loyalty.htm)

130. President Gordon B. Hinckley stated to journalist and authors, Richard and Joan Ostling that he didn't know very much about God existing once as a mortal; and "I don't know that we teach it." He stated that his remarks to the reporters, which appeared in print, were taken out of context and that he was misquoted. Richard and Joan Ostler wrote Mormon America, and included in their book Hinckley's denials as well as the transcripts of the interview with President Hinckley. The taped transcripts clearly indicated that President Hinckley's remarks were not taken out of context nor was he misquoted. (Richard and Joan Ostling, Mormon America : The Power and the Promise, Harper One, Revised Edition, 2007, p. 301. Also http://www.irr.org/MIT/hinckley.html; for a partial transcript of the Time Magazine, Aug 4, 1997 article and letter to the prophet's office to ask if Hinckley was misquoted. A similar remark can be found in San Francisco Chronicle, April 13, 1997, p 3/Z1; ) This is reminiscent of denials offered by professional athletes and politicians who regret making statements to the press.

131. Many doctrines which were once taught by the LDS church, and held to be fundamental, essential and "eternal", have been abandoned: (a) plural marriage, (b) Adam-God doctrine, (c) The Law of Consecration, (d) Africans cursed and denied the Mormon priesthood, and (e) blood atonement. (http://home.teleport.com/~packham/tract.htm) When asked about plural marriage, by talk show host Larry King, Gordon Hinckley said "I condemn it, yes, as a practice, because I think it is not doctrinal..." (Larry King Live on September 8, 1998 see http://packham.n4m.org/lying.htm) The Doctrine and Covenants Section 132 is LDS canon and proves that polygamy is a doctrine, though not currently practiced. The doctrine has never been rescinded, though the practice has been temporarily suspended. Hinckley and apologists fail to point out that Joseph F. Smith stated unequivocally, "I understand the law of celestial marriage to mean that every man in this church, who has the ability to obey and practice it in righteousness and will not, shall be damned, I say I understand it to mean this and nothing less, and I testify in the name of Jesus that it does mean that. (Journal of Discourses 20:28-31.) A host of other church presidents and apostles bore equally strong testimonies.

132. Hinckley and others continue to perpetuate another myth connected to Mormon polygamy. Knowing otherwise, Hinckley and other apologists state that only 2, 3 or maybe 5 percent of Mormons ever participated in the practice (Larry King Live on September 8, 1998 see http://packham.n4m.org/lying.htm). It is more likely that the number is closer to 20 - 30 percent. It's difficult to measure because in order to retain one's status as a leader in the church, polygamy was a requirement. For the members in general, the number practicing polygamy varied according to location. (http://www.signaturebookslibrary.org/essays/mormonpolygamy.htm)

133. In a press conference referring to the newly constructed monument at Mountain Meadows in October 1999, President Hinckley made the following statement regarding the tragedy: "Indians and white settlers accompanied by a few Mormons participated in a massacre of the Fancher Wagon Train." He also mentioned that the truth about the massacre may never be fully uncovered. His remarks failed to accurately summarize the events; a transgression of omission. Mormon settlers led the attack and murdered 120 men, women and older children by shooting them at point blank range after deceiving them, disarming them and promising them safe passage. There were no non-Mormon white settlers, as Hinckley's nebulous statement led his audience to believe.

134. Hinckley also failed to mention that Brigham Young and others organized a massive cover-up to evade prosecution. They destroyed or hid documents that would undoubtedly have led to the truth. They ordered members who had knowledge of the gruesome affair upon pain of death, to keep quiet and not cooperate with investigations of the murders. Church leaders and archivists to this day reserve the right to deny access to records they consider embarrassing because they reveal too much.

Juanita Brooks authored the seminal work on the Mountain Meadows Massacre, and a biography of John D. Lee, the man who ultimately was convicted of murder and shot by firing squad for participating in the massacre. Brooks offered Bishop Philip Klingensmith's account of the oath that participants took to cover up the murders. He said the oath was "to the effect that each of them promised before God, angels, and their companions in this circle, that they would never under any conditions speak of this action to anyone else or to each other, and if any did so, he would suffer his life to be taken. This was done in the name of God and for His glory." (Juanita Brooks, John D. Lee, p. 221. See also Arza Evans, Keystone of Mormonism, Chapter 18)

Hand wringing and statements by church leaders expressing regret because, "we will never know what really happened here [at Mountain Meadows]," are not credible. We will never know the whole truth because the church will never permit free access to the historical records.

135. Helen Radkey is a genealogical researcher devoted to issues associated with LDS Church. She is also an author. "Since 1999, Ms. Radkey has reported on the failure of the agreement signed by LDS leaders and Jewish organizations in which the Church promised to halt its proxy baptisms for deceased Jews. The practice continues, despite denials by the Mormon leadership... In 1995 the Mormon Church signed an agreement to cease its practice of baptizing deceased Jews who were not "direct ancestors" of members of their faith and listing them in the IGI. Despite the agreement, Ms. Radkey learned in 2005 that the LDS church had not kept its word. LDS leaders indicated that they were trying to define the term, "direct ancestor." (http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_helenradkey.html)

136. The LDS church continues to deceive the public about vicarious baptisms performed in behalf of Adolf Hitler and Eve Braun. " Current IGI TM Addendum temple ordinance entries for Mr. [Adolf] Hiedler (Hitler) show that Hitler was "baptized" by Mormons on September 30, 1993, and "endowed" on April 27, 1994, in the Jordan River Temple, Utah..... Eva Anna Paula Braun, born in Munich, Bavaria, Germany , on February 7, 1912, was "baptized" by Mormons on October 16, 1964, and "endowed" on February 5, 1965, in the Los Angeles Temple. She had been "sealed" to her parents some time prior to 1970. This information is current and is easily accessible in the IGI TM Addendum, in which file Ashton stated that no information was available for either Hitler or Braun." (http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_helenradkey.html)

More examples of deception could be added to the list. But it already meets the definition of overkill. This is due to the artful dodges and denial of Mormon polemicists. It's necessary to paint an unmistakably clear picture, which leaves one open to the charge of being insensitive. You can't win. Either you don't present enough facts to establish your case, or you present too many and your documentation constitutes cruelty. It's a fine line. The LDS Church engages in deceit and dishonesty when it feels the need to protect its image, but complains when their deceit is made public. For another superb site on lying see Richard Packham's excellent essay on Lying for the Lord http://packham.n4m.org/lying.htm)

Do I mean to imply that a "fibs list" indicates that the Mormon Church is the only religious institution who has engaged in lies and deceit? No. History tells us a different story. However, not many other religious organizations claim to be Christ's only true and restored church on the face of the earth, with God-chosen living prophets, seers, and revelators who will never lead the church astray. And some religious denominations admit wrong doing after the fact. (http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1295/is_n9_v59/ai_17292781)

Research on lying indicates that everybody fibs. University of Massachusetts psychologist Robert Feldman researches lying. He has found that lying "boils down to the shifting sands of the self and trying to look good both to ourselves and others. Feldman says, "It's tied in with self esteem. ... . We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels." (Robin Loyd, "Why We Lie." Live Science, Posted 15 May 2006. http://www.livescience.com/health/060515_why_lie.html)

Those who describe themselves as the most moral, lie too. A new study finds that a sense of moral superiority can lead to unethical acts, such as cheating. "In fact, some of the best do-gooders can become the worst cheats. For example, somebody could rationalize cheating on a test as a way of achieving their dream of becoming a doctor and helping people. In the new study, detailed in the November issue of the Journal of Applied Psychology, researchers find that when this line between right and wrong is ambiguous among people who think of themselves as having high moral standards, the do-gooders can become the worst of cheaters." ( Jeanna Bryner , "Oddly, Hypocrisy Rooted in High Morals," LiveScience Staff Writer, LiveScience.com , Posted Thursday, November 15, 2007, 7:55 am EST)

The purpose of this exercise is to point out the pretense of LDS leaders and members who sometimes insist, probably as a result of overzealousness, that Mormons are more moral than the rest of "the world." Contrast the moral indignation expressed by Mormons about dishonesty and immorality in "the world," with the behavior of their leaders. It places them neatly in the "pot calling the kettle black" category. When the Mormon Church portrays itself as "the" moral authority because it is the "only true church on the face of the earth," then it will be monitored closely to see if it lives up to its claims. Mormons might be better off to admit that their church is a man-made institution and their leaders are merely mortals doing the best they can - flying by the seat of their pants like the rest of us. Sometimes we lie to avoid uncomfortable situations or maybe we just want to look good. This includes LDS leaders and members. The rest of us admit to it.

Excuses such as, "the church leaders are only human," will be ignored because we will recall Church President Gordon B. Hinckley's article for the October1990 Ensign, entitled, "We Believe in Being Honest." In it he warns readers that lies can spread "like a disease that is endemic" even when one uses deception for a worthy cause. Hinckley proclaimed, "How cheaply some men and women sell their good names!" He is included on this list as a member of the "Deceivers Club" (as are the rest of us in the human race). He authored the book called, Standing for Something. I used to joke about a book that should have been written titled, Sitting for Nothing. If you condemn those who lie, and then lie to LDS members and the public at large, it opens you up to this kind of sophomoric amusement.

Noted LDS historians D. Michael Quinn and B. Carmon Hardy have written compassionately and humanely as they describe the history of Mormonism, and the use of deception as a useful tool to manage the minds of its adherents and public perception.

Hardy, recognizing that LDS public discourse routinely used fake denials and deception called it "pretzled language." He quoted Apostle Matthias Cowley who said, "I am not dishonest and not a liar and have always been true to the work and to the brethren." Cowley later admitted, "We have always been taught that when the brethren were in a tight place that it would not be amiss to lie to help them out." (Hardy, Solemn Covenant, 373,374)

In my effort to defend the church from detractors I learned that ironically, members get excommunicated precisely because they publish the truth, and refuse to adopt lying, deception, or suppression of facts as an ethical standard. Loyalty is more important in the LDS church than honesty. I found this out the hard way while teaching for the Church Education System. Honesty was referred to as undermining the testimonies of the youth, or undermining the authority of the prophets.

D. Michael Quinn, excommunicated in 1993 said, "The tragic reality is that there have been occasions when Church leaders, teachers, and writers have not told the truth they knew about difficulties of the Mormon past, but have offered to the Saints instead a mixture of platitudes, half-truths, omissions, and plausible denials. Elder [Boyd K.] Packer and others would justify this because "we are at war with the adversary" and must also protect any Latter-day Saint whose "testimony [is] in seedling stage." But such a public-relations defense of the Church is actually a Maginot Line of sandy fortifications which "the enemy" can easily breach and which has been built up by digging lethal pits into which the Saints will stumble. A so-called "faith-promoting" Church history which conceals controversies and difficulties of the Mormon past actually undermines the faith of Latter- day Saints who eventually learn about the problems from other sources." (On Being a Mormon Historian, A Lecture by D. Michael Quinn, Associate Professor of History at Brigham Young University, Before the Student History Association, Fall 1981; Faithful History: Essays on Writing Mormon History . Edited by George D. Smith.1992.)

What we need to live.

2011-03-08T13:57:00.006-07:00

This is a fictional story I wrote based loosely on many events from many people I have met and share life stories with. I hope you enjoy it. Quick warning, This could be taken as "anti-mormon." So you've been warned.

"I just cant accept that god doesn't exist. If he didn't create us and have a plan for us, then why the hell are we here?" She was having a hard time accepting that she had lost her faith and I started to worry that I was pushing her to hard. "look Kristine, its okay to have doubts about anything, including atheism. I'm not saying you can't believe in God, I'm just asking why you do." Kristine had been questioning what she believed in for a while now. She had started to wonder about who God really was after her brother was sent home from his mission for reading "anti-Mormon books" and telling the mission president that he though Joseph smith had lied. The church made her feel like she had to choose between her brother and her God, she didn't understand why she couldn't have both.
She handled her issues with the church by pretending they weren't there. She took a calling in the nursery and enjoyed spending time with the little kids, where she didn't need to question what someone else was teaching that week and where she didn't need to take a hard look at the doctrine she believed in. She could just play with little kids for two hours a week and call her religious duties filled. She spent three years in the nursery before the Bishop called her in his office and wanted to release her from her calling. She cried and asked to keep it but he said that "she had other responsibilities she needed to attend to." What he really meant was she was 24 unmarried and in college and she should be looking for a husband.
So she did what was expected of her, she found a man to take her to the temple, and she married him. She tried to forget getting her endowments, to her it was weird and uncomfortable, but she smiled and told everyone she was so happy to have finally gone through the temple.
Her marriage was a mistake, she knew it from the moment she said "of course I'll marry you." It made it harder to call it off when she tried to tell her mother she wasn't sure about it and her mom lectured her saying, "He is the perfect man for you. He's a return missionary he's becoming a doctor and I had a spiritual prompting that you two should get married before he ever asked." What Kristine's mom didn't know was he was abusive, he wouldn't let her have a job or friends that he didn't approve of and he wanted her to start having kids as soon as they got married, and they did. She got pregnant a week after their honeymoon. it took three years and two children before she left him and it took four trips to the hospital and a restraining order before he let her go.
Now here we sat, Kristine and her brother talking about religion and family. We talked a lot lately because she has been living in my basement for the last four months. Our parents kicked her out of their because she wouldn't go back to her ass hole husband Dave after he said that he had gotten counseling and he was over his issues. I found it funny that it only took a short three months for him to work all his issues out. I found out what he was after the last time he hit her, she called and asked me to come get her and bring my trailer to move her out. When I found out I almost killed him, I told him if he ever touched my sister again I'd shoot him dead where he stood. We never knew about the abuse because my sisters family lived a state away and we only saw them on holidays and he would always act like a great guy in front of us which is why my parents liked him so much, he was a nice guy, a priesthood holder and they got to tell everyone their daughter was married to a doctor.
So here she was 28 living in her brother basement with two kids, no education, no job skills and making 11.25 an hour at a call center listening to people yell at her all day. She couldn't believe that all of this was it. That there wasn't an eternity of joy and happiness waiting for her when she died.
"How can you not believe in a God? look at the world around you, there is so much beauty and wonder." I asked her the same question another way "What makes you think that some all powerful god would make this beautiful world and then put things in place to destroy it every day like volcano's and earth quakes that kill millions of innocent people? Why make the universe so big and mysterious and send your only son to just this planet?" Kristine knew that I would never be moved on the existence of god with out some major proof, because extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. I learned on my mission that if you look at your religion and really thought about it that it was a way to control you. I was paying to serve my church for two years with out having ever really examined what I believed with scepticism. It wasn't until we started teaching a ministers daughter, Who asked a lot of tough questions that I couldn't answer, did I start to wonder. So I started buying books and reading about things I had never been taught or even heard of. Now I'm sitting with my sister trying to teach her how to really be sceptical of extraordinary claims with no real evidence.
I finally asked her "why do you need the church to be true and God to exist? What would make that so terrible?" Kristine's eyes started to tear up, "I wouldn't care if the church is true or not, I really don't think it is any more, but what do I teach my kids? How do I raise them to be good people with out it? I know God exists, with out that I'm nothing. I wouldn't know how to get out of bed in the morning if I didn't believe that God had a plan for me and was watching out for me, guiding my life and helping me know what to do." I sat in silence for a while not knowing how to respond, not understanding how someone could totally leave their life to the whims of their "promptings" and hoping that everything turns out all right. I finally said "If that's what you need to feel like life is worth living, then that's what you need."
We would still talk religion every so often, she even left the LDS church but I never pressed the issue of god again because I knew she was right, she couldn't survive her life if there wasn't a loving god at the end of the road to comfort her, to care about her, to love her, because at times she felt he was the only one who did. I still hope she's right, but I still know she's wrong.

Its about that time

2011-02-15T11:45:00.003-07:00

I'm a fat guy, so Its fairly simple to assume a couple things. First, I like to eat. Second I don't like to go to the gym and last but certainly not least I have tried a lot of "diets." This last summer I was doing 10-13 mile bike rides 1-3 times a week and eating less because I was home less often. I have hit my highest weight in my life this month and that is unacceptable to me. I have always been a heavy guy, but I rarely let that get in the way of what I wanted to do. However as I've hit the weight I have I find I am limiting what I do based on my size and that is also very unacceptable. I don't care if I way 600 pounds so long as I never have to say "I cant I'm to fat," or "I wont fit so I cant do that." So here are the changes that WILL take place for the next 6-12 months.
1. I'm going to exercise 3-4 times a week on a bike at home, bike on the street or on the elliptical at the rec center by my house. I will also be doing a day a week of lifting weights (most likely Fridays) to mix it up a little.

2. No more T.V. unless I'm exercising, or cleaning the house. When Chelsea and I got married we didn't hook the TV up to anything but a DVD player. We now have netflix and I'm finding I get home from work open a beer and veg out. Which brings me to my next point.

3. No more beer! At least on the week days. I have 1-2 beers a day, except Thursday when I'm on call. Each beer has 120-150 calories! if I have 3 beers I've had a meal! So, with the exception of Friday and Saturday, no more beer for the beer lover Scott...

Speaking of calories, I found out that my favorite fast food hamburger has 970 calories not counting the fries! The double western cheese burger from Carl's Jr is my favorite fast food burger, but it is 2/5 my daily intake. So..

4. If it has a drive through, I must drive by.. I am not going to eat at fast food restaurants until summer and when summer comes along it will still only be on a rare occasion. You may get $1 food there but your also only getting $1 nutrition. Along with fast food I'm cutting out soda. I'm going to stick with my sugar free juice and my unsweetened teas.

5. I'm going to eat smaller amounts. No more buffets, or all you can eats, no more giant plates of pasta. I'm going to eat NORMAL. Just because it's good doesn't mean that I need a LOT of it and just becuase I paid $9.99 for a buffet doesn't mean I need to "get my money's worth."

This is my plan and I'm sticking to it!

I'm working on it

2010-12-29T10:57:00.002-07:00

I have a problem, an addiction if you will. I don't do drugs, I don't smoke and I'm not an alcoholic. So what is my addiction? Television. When I got married and moved out of my parents house my wife and I decided to not get cable or even hook up an antenna to the TV. We just had a DVD player and our movie selection and Redbox rentals. I loved it. I felt more connected to my wife and never stayed home to watch a show when friends called and wanted to do something. The television had been forgotten and left to do it's own thing.

I was happy not having the TV around to fill my nights with entertainment. Then we bought an antenna so Charity (the girl my wife helps take care of) could watch her favorite shows when she hangs out at our house. Then I found my self watching the news and family guy again, then I started watching other shows but only when my wife wasn't home or when we were both really tired from a long day. Yes I watched this kind of stuff,

This last month Chelsea and I bought a Bluray player that has netflix built in. At first I loved it, we would watch a documentary or a move but we have now started watching TV series on it and its starting to effect my life of not sitting on the couch and doing nothing after work. I have over 100 things on there saved in my play list, things I honestly want to watch and that's the problem.
I'm thinking of getting rid of my account and going back to no TV or moving the player to the exercise room and make the rule that netflix can only be watched while on my bike. The only problem is that I feel like an addict if I put a bunch of unenforced rules on something.

Half the time I'm tempted to just throw the TV in the trash and the other half I love watching a good show or movie and relaxing.

2010-12-22T10:35:00.002-07:00

I think I have the best dog in the world! I never thought I cold love an animal they way I love my dog. Its a funny story they way I got him, My dad wouldn't let me have a new while I was living at his house and I knew I would be getting engaged soon. So I told my mom that I wanted to ask chelsea to marry by buying a dog and taking her on a picknick with the new dog. So with that idea my mom told my dad I WAS getting a dog. I'm slick like that. The way I looked at it was if Chelsea said no I got a dog, if she said yes I got a wife, win win for me. lol

Here are a few of my favorite pics.

Home brewing!

2010-12-21T13:06:00.003-07:00

This is a hobby that I have started this year and I LOVE IT!!! It all started with a love for beer and a basic beer brewing kit. I started by brewing an apricot wheat beer and despite a lot of mistakes in the brewing process it turned out great! It was a little cloudy but it had a great taste and a smooth apricot finish. It felt amazing to make my own beer.

It started an addiction, so I bought another kit right off the bat, I decided to stick with wheat beers and tried a strawberry wheat beer. It turned out like crap, but hey thats part of learning. I bought a larger brew pot and a few other things that make brewing easier.

I'm now on my 6th batch. It has become a great hobby and I don't see me stopping any time soon. However I am thinking about branching off in to wine making....

Christmas time again

2010-12-08T14:20:00.005-07:00

"He See's you when your sleeping. He knows when your awake. He knows when you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake." Who else does this sound like? As Christmas time rolls around we are all singing songs, baking cookies, running around buying presents, but if you don't mind taking a few seconds I would like to poke at your brain.

If we compare Santa and Christ we find many common factors, charity, love, compassion, punishment for being bad, reward for being good, they both see everything we do, and they both lived at one point in time. Yet one of these we stop believing in some time as a child. What if you took a young child who knew all about Santa, and nothing about Christ and put him away from all other people so he was never told Santa doesn't exist. He would wait for Santa on that first Christmas and be extremely disappointed when there was no present sitting under a tree for him. He would believe he was a bad child, and probably cry. The next year would be the same, as well as the year after that. He would grow up either hating Santa, or he would decide that Santa never existed.

How easily can that be transferred over to understand people who either hate god or don't believe he exists. After so many years of praying, and asking for help, only to be left helpless, even the most faithful can start to doubt and loose faith. The question is how many days, months, or years of waiting would it take for you to loose faith? (and if you answer never, you are lying to your self)

The funny thing about religion is how picky people can be about such small things. Every one believes in a Santa with a red suit and hat. Well, What if some people believed he dressed in blue? The idea of Santa is the same, the person is the same, yet in religion that would be a big enough difference that it could literally tear apart a family, and o' my what if his elf's were really midgets. It may seem silly or even stupid, but non the less it can cause blind ignorant hatred.

What I'm trying to say is that it doesn't matter what color the Santa suit is, it's the message that the man represents. Who cares if they are both are made up, who cares if both are real. Does it really matter if we say merry Christmas, happy holidays or happy Hanukkah? The idea or message is the same, love each other, be kind and all will be well.

Merry Christmas, and my Santa fill your stocking to the top.

P.S. Don't forget that this is a time for giving, and there are many people who are in need this year. If you feel like donating to the homeless give to the road home. www.theroadhome.org
or to help autistic kids get an IPad with apps to help them learn go to http://linkykids.org/

That Man is a Success

2010-12-08T14:15:00.002-07:00

There have been a lot of people I know who have lost someone in the last couple months. When ever I hear that someone has died I think of the following poem that I have hung in my basement,

That Man is a Success
Who has lived well,
laughed often and loved much;
Who has gained the respect of intelligent men
and the love of children;
Who has filled his niche
and accomplished his task;
Who leaves the world better than he found it,
whether by improved poppy, a perfect poem,
or a rescued soul;
Who never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty
or failed to express it.
Who looked for the best in others
and gave the best he had.

Gordon B Hinkley interview in time mag 1997

2010-12-04T23:50:00.001-07:00

(TIME magazine, August 4, 1997 (D. Van Biema).

Interviewer: Just another related question that comes up is the statements in the King Follet discourse by the Prophet.

Hinckley: Yeah.

Interviewer: About that, God the Father was once a man as we were. This is something that Christian writers are always addressing. Is this the teaching of the church today, that God the Father was once a man like we are?

Hinckley: I don’t know that we teach it. I don’t know that we emphasize it. I haven’t heard it discussed for a long time in public discourse. I don’t know. I don’t know all the circumstances under which that statement was made. I understand the philosophical background behind it. But I don’t know a lot about it and I don’t know that others know a lot about it.

I'm an Atheist

2010-11-11T13:30:00.005-07:00

There are things in life you will be asked on a regular basis, questions like, "Where are you from?" "What do you like to eat?" "Where do you work?" Often we don't even need to think about the answers to these questions, we just pop out the usual mantras we have trained our selves to say over years of repeating them. I want to take a moment and share with you an answer to what some people consider the most important question in the word and is asked all the time, "what religion are you?" The answer, none, I'm an Atheist. To some people that word means something evil or anti-whatever they are, but really it is a shorter way to say "I looked at everything available to me and concluded that there is not enough proof that god exists." It's that simple, it doesn't mean that I am anti anything. The nice part of being atheist is that if one day solid proof is shown to me that god exist and that a religion is "true" I can easily change, because as Carl Sagan put it,
"In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion."

That is the amazing part of being an atheist, I can look at evidence and not feel the need to justify things in my religion. I don't need to accept things on blind faith, I can look at facts and truly know what I believe in is true. Science has only been around a short time in comparison to religion, but in that time we have explored other planets, seen the far edges of our galaxy, found cures to "incurable" diseases. We have made microscopes than can see unimaginably small things and telescopes that can see further than thought possible 50 years ago. However of all the things learned by science the most interesting thing to me is that, as Neil deGrasse Tyson stated, "the very molecules that make up your body, the atoms that construct the molecules, are traceable to the crucibles that were once the centers of high mass stars that exploded their chemically rich guts into the galaxy, enriching pristine gas clouds with the chemistry of life. So that we are all connected to each other biologically, to the earth chemically and to the rest of the universe atomically." Or as Carl Sagan poetically put it, "The cosmos is also within us, we're made of star stuff. We are a way for cosmos to know it's self." You don't need religion to be inspired, you need only to have a basic understanding of the universe and a clear night too look at the stars.

After hearing that you don't believe in god many people ask, "so where do you go when you die?" or "when you die do you go into just nothingness for ever? Mark Twain said it best when he stated, "I do not fear death, in view of the fact that I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it." I couldn't say it better if I tried. The great thing about this revelation is when you realize this is the only life you have you appreciate it more, you don't take things for granted as often. I saw a quote a while back that said, "I would love to believe that when I die I will live again, that some thinking, feeling, remembering part of me will continue. But much as I want to believe that, and despite the ancient and worldwide cultural traditions that assert an afterlife, I know of nothing to suggest that it is more than wishful thinking. The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there's little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides." One of the things that bothered me when I was christian is the concept of eternity, and the question "What about after that?" When I would listen to people talk about what you do for eternity I would always ask "What about after that?" No matter what you do you will have infinite time and not an infinite amount of things to do. So where is the joy in doing the same thing for eternity? I think this life holds more joy and entertainment then an eternal life, if only because you have more things to do than time you have. That is one of the many beauties of life to me.

One of the problems with Atheism is that people think you have no morals if you have no god. How would you know right from wrong if a Devinne source didn't guide us? Morality is not exclusively religious. Atheists simply decide what we think is right and wrong based on our experiences, and in that way our convictions are often stronger than those of religious people. We have thought about WHY we do or don't do things, we don't just follow what we are told because that's what we were told? Why is drinking coffee, tea, or having a glass of wine with dinner morally wrong? Why cant two people in a steady relationship express their love for one another physically? We don't need religion to tell us not to hurt other people, or to treat other people with kindness. There are many Atheist organizations that help their community by feeding the homeless, fixing peoples houses or even just picking up a stretch of highway. They don't do it for some eternal reward, they do it because it is the right thing to do. The point of this is not to attack religious people, the point is to show that just because someone doesn't believe in god doesn't make them a lesser person or something to be scared of. Christians in America often accuse Atheists of wanting to destroy the faith of others. Atheists don't care what you do in your home, or in your churches, we just don't like being forced to participate in other people's religious beliefs. We've had the 10 commandments put in our courthouses, "In God we trust" put on our money, The saying "under god" was added to the pledge of allegiance in 1954. We have our tax money going to christian organizations and yet the churches them selves pay no taxes. We are forced to teach religious doctrine in our science classes and our rights are often trampled by religious groups. We simply ask for the same religious tolerances that religions ask for everyday. This last September the pope claimed that Atheists are responsible for the Holocaust and for the rise of Nazi Germany. He suggested that because the Germans were trying to take god out of their country the country became lost. Now this sounds great as a sound bite and it portrays Atheists as evil, but then the facts show that Hitler was a devout Roman Catholic, The catholic leader of Germany said it was "Devinne Providence" that Hitler was saved from an assassination attempt and after Germany was invaded the catholic church helped sneak high ranking Nazi's out of Germany. In short Atheist don't attack Religious people, we share facts and scientific finds. Atheists are one of the most discriminated against groups in the world. I was kicked out of a house and asked not to come back after I shared my religious views, I have also been physically threatened for being an Atheist, I believe the exact phrase was, "I should punch you in the face, my pastor would be proud of me if I punched out an Atheist."

I don't believe that religious people are lying when they say they believe in their religion. I think that most of the time people honestly believe in their church, but as John F Kennedy said, "The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic. Belief in myths allows the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." After Reading the Book of Mormon, the Bible and the Qur'an I couldn't find truth. I read Christian books, Mormon books, Buddhist books and the opposing view points to those books. I studied for years and spent many hours in thought and meditation and prayer, pondering my spirituality and my beliefs. In all my searching I found that nothing explains the world or the universe better than science. Science fills my mind with wonder and lets me stand in amazement of reality. I don't need to ask the question "would you die for your religion," because as an Atheist my beliefs are not that irrational. Nor would my beliefs ask me to hide or ignore facts or history. My beliefs don't require me to give my money to be "faithful" to them, or lie to my future children. "In the history of the world, nothing has been the catalyst of more grief, hatred, war, and crime than religion. Religion allows a person to hate, kill, torture, or steal, while allowing him to recuse himself of all blame. Religion causes people to break the laws of ethics and morality in the name of a god. Religion dulls the mind and weakens the senses. It makes "God did it" seem like a reasonable answer to anything at all, squelching questions of why, and how, and when, and replacing these questions with repeated mantras and prayers to nobody." -AmericanAtheists.com

May your life be blessed by the Atheists that you do and even don't know. The ones who invented medicine, or medical procedures that cured you, or someone in your family. The one who wrote the science book for your class. The Atheist who developed your favorite website or even the one who made your lunch. You would be surprised how many of us there are (8%-10% of the world population). We all enjoy the advances that science gives us, but we rarely think of the reason why science has come so far. Its because science questions everything, including it's self. I feel that's how we should all live life, questioning, prodding and constantly searching for truth, in the world and inside our selves.

Thank you for reading.
Scott Peterson.

Blood is thicker than water, coffee is thicker than blood.

2010-10-13T09:23:00.008-06:00

Sitting at IHOP with my three best friends on a Saturday night, enjoying our endless coffee and a mountain of pancakes, we were laughing at jokes and whispering the dirty ones. We talked about girls, the way they walk, the way they talk, that sexy way a girl bites her bottom lip when she gets excited. Most of all this group of 19-21 year old boys just sits and enjoys the company of each other, bullshitting and drinking coffee, just like old men do. All of us were either loosely Mormon or had all but left the church, I was the latter. This last semester at college I did a research essay on the Book of Abraham, the last book in the book of Mormon combo set, its right after the Book of Mormon and Doctor and covenants called the "Pearl of great price." I once was told "the quickest way to destroy your faith is to study history," and it did. I lost my faith researching the L.D.S. church. The only problem with leaving the Mormon church was all of my family was still Mormon. Not just my Mom, Dad and brothers, but my ENTIRE family, cousins second cousins and so on, except for my cousin Amoray and I didn't see her much, but I always loved playing chess with her even though I could never beat her, even though she was three years my younger.
I took a long sip of my coffee that, to some, would have had to much cream and sugar, but that's the way I like it. I cringed when a familiar voice said, "hey Scott, what are you doing here?" It's hard not to recognise your brothers voice, it's even harder not to feel awkward when your return missionary brother shows up when your drinking coffee and hanging out with your non-Mormon friends.
"O' just grabbing some late late dinner, and killing time. What 'bout you?"
noticing my coffee the conversation became uncomfortable, "same thing... Is that coffee?"
"Yep."
"Okay, I'll talk to you later."

My brother walked back to a corner booth where a few friends waited with an assortment of cokes, sprites, waters and hot chocolates. I felt it was time to go. My friends and I paid our tabs and took off, not caring or knowing where we would go. We ended up at Kenneth's house, having a couple beers and watching "The Goonies" on his basement T.V.

Most of my extended family was in town the following week, my 8 year old cousin was getting baptized on Monday then Thanksgiving was Thursday and a family brunch Friday morning. Even though I didn't believe in the church it was still expected of me to attend the baptism of my cousin, so I did. I watched the baptism and though "poor kid, doesn't know what she's getting into. How can you choose a religion for the rest of your life at age 8? I couldn't decide my favorite cereal at 8, how can you pick your God at 8?" I kept my mouth shut and watched. After the ceremony was over and family was just chit-chatting I walked around looking for someone to talk to, about anything other than religion. Its not that I don't like my relatives, or that we don't get along. I like all of my cousins, a lot, I just didn't want to talk about God or the baptism.
I found my cousin Amoray sitting by a piano looking bored. I struck up a conversation talking about school, the weather, the Thanksgiving party in three days, anything to keep from remembering I was at a baptism for a religion I felt had lied to me. Eventually I told her about my brother coming into IHOP and seeing me drink coffee, she laughed, "if that's the worst thing you're doing I think your brother should relax." We laughed. Soon after that my 8 year old cousin and her father came back into the room for the family to congratulate her on being baptized and becoming a "new" member of the church. Thankfully I was able to go home shortly after.

Strangely, my brother never brought up me drinking coffee like I thought he would. I think its because he knew I didn't go to church anymore and he didn't want to discuss why. Mormons are a funny group, they pride them selves on education and higher learning, they even have their own college, BYU, but they also pride them selves on believing in impossible things. They refuse to look at evidence that Joseph smith was a lying son of a bitch, but at the same time have an amazing record keeping system for family history and tell all the members to keep journals for posterity's sake. There are a thousand ways to disprove the LDS church, and yet they take pride in their faith of it.

The week few by and the next thing I know I headed to my aunt Marti's house to have Thanksgiving dinner with almost all of my extended family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles cousins, my cousin's kids, all sitting around 4 large tables filled with turkey, stuffing, candy'd yams, and my favorite, pumpkin pie. I talked to my cousins sitting next to me, Trenton, Michael, their younger brother Ethan, Amoray and Nathan. We all stuffed our faces with the amazing food. There are two things the Speakmans know how to do, build and cook.

After we had eaten more food than we thought possible, everyone spread out across the house finding every couch, chair or bed available to sit on, finding anything comfortable where they plop down and not move until they were ready to go home that night. I found my self in my cousin Amoray's room along with my 15 year old cousin Ethan. Amoray and I talked for a while about religion, she was an atheist and I was trying to find a religion I could believe in. I shared a story about my friend dying three months back and how angry I was at God, yelling and screaming "FUCK YOU GOD!" as I drove down the highway. I told her how I hated god for a while, then I let it go. I started going to the bible church and I was feeling better about religion. All my cousin Ethan heard was the "fuck you god."

The next morning was the Friday brunch at my aunt Lori and uncle Lindon's house, where all the family's got together before everyone headed back home. I got there a few minutes early, I liked my aunt Lori a lot. When I was 13 they let me move in with them when I was having problems with school. I moved three states away from my mom and dad and spent six months living with my cousins as part of the family, except my uncle Lindon, he never really liked me, he never likes anyone. He is a cold calculating person who believes fear is the best way to make people listen to you. Other than him, living with my cousins was a great experience, and I learned a lot from it. Then a couple years later they moved down to Utah and I was so excited to have them live in the same state as me.
When I walked in I smelled pancakes or waffles cooking in the kitchen and headed up stairs to see my cousins. We joked and played for a little while throwing a foot ball back and forth across Michael's room when Lindon came in and said, "Scott can I talk to you?"
"This cant be good," I thought as I followed him in to the master bed room.
We sat down on the bed and he said, "Scott I know your going through some rough times, but there are some things I need to talk to you about."
"rough times" I thought, My grandpa died, my friend jumped out of a truck and died and I lost my religion in the last six months I call that a fucked up year.
"At Thanksgiving I saw Ethan come out from Amoray's room, and he had darkness in his eyes and told me all about how you were proud you cussed God out." I tried to tell him about the whole story but he didn't want to hear it.
"Scott you know the church is true. You've known it your whole life. Now if your going to turn your back on it that's your choice. Kalie told me she over heard you are drinking coffee and think its funny that you got caught."
"I never said I thought it was funny, and your daughter eves dropping on a Private conversation is not my fault."
"Scott one day you'll come back to the church and understand what your doing"
"Well Lindon, maybe one day I will. I don't know the future, I COULD be wrong about the church." Never to miss a moment he jumped on the maybe, "See you know the church is true!"
"Scott," he leaned in like he cares about me, "we need to protect our children from evils of the world, Lori and I feel like we need to protect our children from you."
All I can say is "okay?" I'm shocked not knowing how to feel.
"We don't want you coming around, we think your a bad influence on our kids, and we want you to leave."
"okay" I said holding back my rage, my sorrow, my pain.
I walked down the stairs where my mom is sitting in the front room, obviously unaware of the pre-planned conversation.
I walk up to my mom and whisper in her ear "your sister and her husband just kicked me out of their house." she looked at me confused like she had miss heard me, "what?" I repeated what I had said and walked out the front door and got in my car, leaving my mother dumbfounded.
I almost made it half way home before I started balling like a little kid who was just beat up by the school bully. I thought "this is what looking for your faith gets you?"

I know there are only 2 or 3

2010-10-11T15:27:00.003-06:00

I know there are only 2 or 3 people that read my blog. I know it has not inspired anyone to change their life or even their point of view, but I still think that this blog has some value to it if only to me. I like having a place to share my feelings, thoughts, view points and not feel like i need to censor my self to keep from offending anyone. If you read my blog it's your own damn fault, I didn't make you open this page or spout off my ideas in a crowded room, you entered freely.
So to those of you who read this endless ramble that is my blog, thank you, and for those who read it and then get upset about the content, your an idiot.

Sincerely,
Scott

Choices

2010-09-21T08:19:00.005-06:00

I've been reflecting today on the choices that people make in life and how they effect them later on. In particular I've been thinking about a friend of mine that I spent most of high school and college with. you could say that he was the reason I left the church but in a good way, he challenged my thinking and made me research topics that we would discuss, and I'm certain that I did the same to him. We discussed everything and often had heated debates on topics like religion, politics, ethics and life. He was my best friend for almost 8 years. Now here is where life choices come in to play. Our second year of college he started smoking pot, I didn't. He made really bad financial decisions, buying a car, motorcycle, big T.V., and furniture all on credit, I didn't. He moved to Arizona and got an apartment with an emotionally disturbed girl he had only been dating for a month, and two pot head roommates. obviously I didn't. After he moved to Arizona he would call me and tell me how bad things always sucked, then he would call me stoned out of his mind and try to tell me how great pot was, then he would call back and say how bad his life was when he sobered up. After a while he stopped calling, I didn't hear from him for about 6 months. He calls me one day and says he's going back to church. He connected his crappy life to not going to church, not to the fact that he had made huge financial and life style mistakes. Its so much easier to blame Satan for the problems in our life than it is to face the fact that we made bad choices. I miss having him as a friend, I feel like the only time I hear from him is when something traumatic happens in his life, and he calls me because I'm the only friend he has that really knows him because he hides parts of himself to fit in with the "young singles" group he hangs out with now. When I try to talk to him other then when he's having issues I feel like he is trying to convert me back to being L.D.S. to justify him doing it (something he's done with other things like leaving the church, drinking, moving to Arizona or smoking pot). I miss my logical, good humored friend. It's funny how choices in life lead us to very different places.

Porn!!

2010-09-20T10:14:00.002-06:00

I know that there are some topics that often make us uncomfortable, but guess what it was in the news so I'm going to discuss the topic. Porn, lets get something out there, ALL MEN AND MOST WOMEN HAVE LOOKED AT PORN! To back this up, the University of Montreal tried to do a study of the effects of looking at porn comparing men who had and had not looked at porn, only problem is they couldn't find a man who had never looked at porn. If that makes you think that only men look at porn your wrong, the majority of women also watch porn. If I wasn't typing this on a work computer I would tell you an exact number but I don't want to Google "women looking at porn" on a work computer, it would be the last thing I did before I got fired.

So lets look at the story on ksl. First, the person they interviewed for the story is Dr. Reid, the clinical director at the Provo counseling center. (and there is no bias against porn in Utah county)

The article says

"It's devastating for a lot of marriages," describes Reid. "It's not just the pornography, it's not just that my significant other or spouse were going outside of the marriage to have their sexual needs met, but there are so many other components. Women, for example, feeling 'I can't compete with this pornography, I can't be all of that.' And then they start to have difficulties with self esteem. But there is also this notion of the secrecy and the lies and the deceit around the behavior itself. And you would be surprised, many women will say that the lies and the secrecy and the deception around the behavior is just as disturbing as the behavior itself."

First porn is not going out side your marriage, having sex with another person is going out side the marriage. Which they bring up later in the article with a man who almost broke up his marriage because of his addiction to porn..... AND AFFAIRS!! Looking at porn is no even on the same field as cheating. Second women seeing porn doesn't lower self esteem, they lower their self esteem. Only you can decide how you feel about your self, external forces only magnify the insecurities we have. Third the end of this paragraph says that they find the lying and secrecy as disturbing as the act it's self. Well if it wasn't such a taboo it wouldn't be hidden, Utah consumes more Internet pornography than any other state per capita, yet it is rarely brought up in conversations because the majority of people feel ashamed by it.

I find it funny that they don't bring up may doctors and scientists who say that it is medically beneficial to masturbate (for men AND women) and that looking at porn causes no mental problems.

This whole article was written for a group called "Out in the Light: Women Uniting Against Pornography." It is only disclosed later in the article that,

"‘Out in the Light' is a multifaceted, all out blitz on behalf of Deseret Media Companies to use every resource available -- ksl.com, KSL-TV, KSL Newsradio, Deseret Book and the Deseret News -- to bring this issue out in the light.

This campaign is funded and pushed by the very paper publishing the article! There is no conflict of interest there! Lets be honest, looking at porn doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you normal, and it's organizations like this that try to lower YOUR self esteem by making you feel bad about your self for doing something the majority of the population does.

What I do in my home is my business, not anyone Else's. this should be a decision between a husband and wife, if they decide that occasional porn watching is okay then that's their choice, just like if they want to use whips, chains and handcuffs in the bedroom. Just because it's not what you or I would do doesn't make it wrong, just different. so the moral of this post is quit trying to tell people what THEIR morals SHOULD BE and focus on your own life.

Mark Hofmann

2010-09-07T12:52:00.003-06:00

How can someone read about the life of Mark Hofmann and not have some serious questions? I had never heard of him until I read a story on ksl.com. He sold dozens of forged documents to the LDS church that cast them in a negative light so the church bought and buried those documents.

According to Allan D. Roberts who wrote "The Truth is the Most Important Thing: A Look at Mark W. Hofmann, the Mormon Salamander Man" which was cited on wikipedia.com "In 1983, Hofmann bypassed the Historical Department and sold to Gordon B. Hinckley, a member of the First Presidency and the de facto head of the Church, an 1825 Joseph Smith holograph purporting to confirm that Smith had been treasure hunting and practicing black magic five years after his First Vision. Hofmann had the signature authenticated by Charles Hamilton, the contemporary "dean of American autograph dealers," sold the letter to the Church for $15,000, and gave his word that no one else had a copy. Then Hofmann leaked its existence to the press, after which the church was virtually forced to release the letter to scholars for study, despite previously denying it had it in its possession."
So The Church of Jesus Christ lied. No if and's or but's, It lied saying it didn't have a document that it had. Why would it surprise anyone if they would lie about many other things?

This is just one of many examples of things Mark Hofmann sold to the church. Please take the time to read about it, it will blow your mind. Mark Hofmann in my opinion has done more to prove the church untrue than any other person or thing, next to the church its self. I know that's harsh but that's how I feel.

Ground zero mosque

2010-09-02T09:33:00.000-06:00

If you are against the "Ground zero Mosque" let me explain why you are wrong using the most common arguments against it.
1. "It's being built on ground zero."
Wrong, it's being built 2 blocks away from ground zero. That's like saying that the bar, "Keys on main" is built on temple square.
2. If we let them build it on ground zero then "they've" won.
No, if we don't let them build it "they" have won. If we destroy the first amendment to stop a community center/religious center from being built then they win hands down, they didn't destroy a building they brought down our constitution. Also the people who are building this are just as responsible for the terrorist attacks as you are for the christian crusades, the Indians slaughtered by the Mormons or the mosques shot up in Iraq.
3. We don't care if they build it, just not there.
There have been many other mosques that have been blocked from being built all over the country because people don't want them in their area. this is religious persecution at its best. If you want to practice your religion you cant stop others from practicing theirs.

If you have any other arguments let me know and I'll answer them honestly, and honestly I think this issue is stupid.

Birthday!

2010-08-30T17:08:00.002-06:00

This weekend was my birthday and I really enjoyed it! all the money I got this weekend (and a large contribution from my wife) allowed me to buy a brand new T.V. for the first time in my life, no joke, I've always had hand me down T.V.'s. I still don't have it hooked up to cable or even local channels, but its great in our room for movies. I really want to buy a blue-ray player to go with it because it's an HDTV and I can already tell a difference in the quality of the picture.
I don't like watching T.V. a lot, but I am a movie buff. I don't watch shows until after they have gone off the air.I hate waiting for new seasons and show that take 7,8,910 seasons to get to the end. I think MOST shows should only run to 5 seasons at the most. The reason I say most is that shows like mythbusters, or Penn and tellers Bullshit don't have a story line or plot to follow, so you can jump in any time and not be in the dark. Also you can watch one episode and not have a cliff hanger at the end forcing you to watch another week if the show starts to suck, like lost, CSI or a thousand other shows. The other problem I have with T.V. is the time consumption. I have a couple of friends that I will invite them to go do something and they will decline saying "the show ____ is on tonight." I understand relaxing and zoning out for a little while, but when it is your daily routine to watch 3 hours of T.V. a day you have a problem. So to make a long story short I only hook up DVD players to my T.V. to avoid getting sucked into watching shows that add nothing to my life. I do how ever miss shows from discovery channel, animal channel and some other non-drama shows.
Thanks for the T.V. everyone who gave me money for my birthday, I really enjoyed watching irobot on it this morning as I cleaned my bedroom.

Okay, I'm done.

2010-08-18T14:33:00.002-06:00

I've tried to be a logical rational person when explaining my religious views. Now I'm just going to point out the problems in other peoples views. it's a lot easier to poke holes or attack other peoples beliefs than come to your own. so I'm taking a page from religious peoples book and returning the favor with this. The bible debunked.

I don't say this enough!

2010-08-18T10:39:00.001-06:00

I have the most amazing wife in the world! She is the thing that keeps me going, she makes me so so happy.

Gay marriage

2010-08-12T11:15:00.007-06:00

With gay marriage so heavily in the news lately I felt like sharing my opinion. Let me be open and honest about my feelings regarding gay marriage. The government (or it's people) have no right to tell people what they can and can't do in their own bedroom, and who they can and cant have sex with. That is what gay marriage is all about, telling people what they can and cant do. I will show you legally why I think gay marriage is okay, then morally why it should be okay.

Legally: Gay marriage is a moral or "religious" issue. Religion MUST be separated from government. As long as the GOVERNMENT issues marriage licences they can not discriminate based on sexual preference. Now if licences were not required by the GOVERNMENT, and CHURCHES were responsible for deciding who they would and wouldn't marry then this would be a non-issue. but as long as the GOVERNMENT issues licences to be married, RELIGION can not dictate who can get married OUT SIDE of their church. That's like catholics telling Mormons they cant baptize people because they aren't a real church, gay couples are just that, COUPLES, like you and your wife, or me and mine.

Morally: This is a touchy subject to religious folk, mostly because homosexuality is a sin, but if it's such a HUGE sin why did Jesus never once talk about it in the bible? The truth is that the bible does say that it's a sin to lay with another man. How ever the bible also says that it's okay to rape a virgin as long as you pay her father and then marry her after you rape her (because I'd want to marry the man who raped me). The bible also says that you can beat your children to death if they are disobedient, and many many other morally objectionable things, so I don't use the bible as a moral compass. People are scared of the unknown, and how one man could let another man have sex with him is beyond me. I have never looked at another man and thought "I could tap that..." Which tells me homosexuality is not a choice. Why would someone choose a life of segregation, precaution and struggles for the fun of fooling around with someone of the same sex? couldn't they just fool around with someone who is the opposite gender then them? NO! for the same reason I couldn't have sex with a man they cant, They are not attracted to people of the opposite sex.

"Think of the children!":
As for the people who say "If they get to marry they can adopt kids." or "children need a mom and dad." Well plain and simple screw you! more that 50% of marriages end in divorce, where the children no longer have a "mom and dad" in the same home. Marriage is the unspoken joke in Christianity, religious people have screwed up marriage so badly that it is worthless anyway, let the homo's have it, your sure not taking it seriously. Besides homosexuality and pedophilia are two completely different things. One is two consenting adults having sex, the other is a adult praying on the innocence and gullibility of young children.
Another argument is that if children are raised in a home with homo parents that they will turn out gay. That could not be further than the truth. Studies show that children raised by same sex couples are no more likely to be gay than any other children.

In short there is no logical reason that gay people shouldn't be allowed the same things straight people should. It's out of fear, religious hatred and irrational feelings that we continue to persecute people who are different.

Religious Posts

2010-08-02T00:35:00.001-06:00

I know that I put up a lot of post about religion, particularly the L.D.S. church, but it's for good reason. I am surrounded by it on a daily basis and it effects every part of my life. My family is all L.D.S., my coworkers are all L.D.S., most of my neighbors are L.D.S. and the majority of the people in my state are L.D.S. and finally the rest of them are mostly Christians. So needless to say religion comes up quite often no matter how hard I try to avoid discussing it with people. Its ironic that if someone challenges my beliefs they are trying to save me, but if I challenge theirs I'm tearing them down or I'm anti-whatever. its the biggest double standard I have ever seen.
This last Friday I was at my grandpa's house helping trim some trees and enjoying being with my brothers and father. At lunch time my grandpa asked me to say the prayer. normally I would have said no thank you and asked if someone else would like to, but I felt he did it to start a group "lets save Scott's soul" conversation. So I just sucked it up and said the prayer. I felt like such crap for cowering to another persons religious beliefs I had to write apology letters to both my brothers explain why I had made my self a hypocrite. Why don't people accept that you can be a great person with out religion? When asked what he believed, Abraham Lincoln said, "When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion."
Lets just live and let live people!

A Witness to the Divine Authenticity of the Book of Mormon

2010-07-21T13:42:00.004-06:00

I read this today, it was a good publication by David Whitmer, one of the 3 witnesses of the book of Mormon, it was published in 1987. He talks about how although he disagrees with the L.D.S. church on somethings that they were practicing at the time, like polygamy, he still believed in the divine nature of the book of Mormon. It was interesting that it could be taken as pro or anti Mormon at the same time. Thanks for sending it to me JR.

http://www.greaterthings.com/Topical/DavidWhitmer.htm

By David Whitmer

Drunks

2010-07-13T09:46:00.002-06:00

There are people who drink and people who get drunk. Drinking is not an evil of the world in my mind, there are many people who drink on a semi regular basis that rarely if ever get drunk. One glass of wine, a beer or two, a margarita or a mixed drink after a rough day or when relaxing is not immoral in my book. That being said, I have become more and more disgusted with people who drink fast and heavy so they can get drunk fast. It turns people I respect into people who should be arrested for being drunk and disorderly.

I'm getting tired of the immature mindset of binge drinking and acting stupid for a good time.
In short I think I'm going to excuse myself from situations where I know the majority of people will be getting drunk because it's just not fun for me anymore.

I wish I could

2010-07-06T10:11:00.004-06:00

Let me start by being 100% honest to you and my self, I wish I could believe in standard idea of "God". I have often heard it said that people don't believe in God out of convenience or to make their life easier. Now for my second piece of honesty if you think that not believing in a Christian God is convenient or easy your a IDIOT! It makes life harder, it makes relationships with religious people harder, it makes connecting with people on a personal level harder. If I could accept religion at face value it would make my life much, much easier.

II Book of Scott

2010-06-22T10:14:00.002-06:00

While I was at college I wrote a letter to my friend Alishia. I decided to write it in Book of Mormon/Bible style and thought it was funny at the time. It turned in to us writing back and forth this way for quite a while. At the time it was a great way to pass the time and always brought a smile to my face. This past week I was feeling like crap, not wanting to do much. Alishia sent me a few of the letters I sent her that she has kept 5+ years. It made my week. Here are the letters she sent me back that I sent her in 2004 (when I was still going to church).

Letter #1
II Book of Scott
Chapter 1

1.And it came to pass I did find my self with a lack of education,
and behold my family urged me to receive that which I had not received.

2.And it came to pass that I did move unto the land of Ephraim,
a land stinky above all others because of the many turkey farms among all the land,
and found a place of dwelling known to this people as Cami’s Cottage.

3.Thus concluding the eighth month of the fourth year.

4.and it came to pass I did find people of kindness and love, and it came to
pass I found the past times of these people different then the past times of
my people the salt lake cityites, causing me much joy to find those skilled
in the arts of fishing and hunting having little money to extensively do
either I make do with the resources I had saved in the earlier years.

5.Now behold, I have joined a club, a club chosen above all other
organizations, known to this people as archery club, and it came to pass I
saw that it was good. And behold, I found threw a test of man I can out
shoot the president of this club, making the people stare in unbelief.

6.Now behold, as the blessing of my father came upon me. I found food in the
market, and with his blessings (his money) I hungered no more, and their was
much rejoicing in the house of Scott and mine brother, Neil, who lives with
me.

7.Now behold. We go to class with vigor and strength being faithful unto the
words of the lord. Behold, I labor hard in the fields of schooling namely
political science, psychology, and English, a class known as difficult among
this land. Yet I learn the arts of life threw the trials and tribulations I
have received, and will yet to receive.

8.Knowing that threw my heavenly father all things are possible I go threw
my many trials I must endure.

9.mine chariot hath started to break causing me to be prayerful because of
the lack of funds that I have received since my time upon this land to be
able to fix my transportation.

10.and it came to pass I did frequent my land of child hood, the land of the
fast paced people, many times to enjoy the company of my friends, a group
loved above all other, which has thinned with age, many with bride or
husband also many in the lords work.

11.But now behold Alishia, princess of the draperites, did agree to come
down to the land of Ephraim. And there was much rejoicing in the land. For I
have longed to see my old friend, whom as been a true friend for more then a
decade.

12.Now behold I do seal up this computer and wish thee the best of luck and
happiness.

13.Thus ending the ninth month of the fourth year in which the people
rejoiced for there blessings.

Letter #2

II Book of Scott
Chapter3
1. And it came to pass I did travel unto the land of SLC to hear the words of the great prophet Gorden b. Hinckly and it came to pass he did speak many great words unto the people.
2. And it came to pass I did go unto the distant land to see the princes of bluffdaleites and retrieved my weapon of war, and to enjoy a ride on a two wheeled chariot.
3. And it came to pass I did return to the stinky land of Ephraim on the seventh day of the week with much haste to destroy mine enemy, home work.
4. Now behold I do send this epistle to the princes Alishia to inquire unto her traveling to this the turkey land, do thee still plan on coming unto this land? And if thou sill are on what day and with whom will thou travel?
5. Now behold I did miss all mine classes on this day for one teacher did cancel his class and I did not feel like attending the other so I did nothing all of this the 5th day of October.
6. Now behold I do dread the reality that the terms of mid draw near I tremble to think of the out come of this test. But behold I will do my best in all things.
7. And behold I do have joy for archery club doth meet tonight and I once again will have a way to relax.
8. Now as I think I have not much to say in this the first week of the tenth month so I do bid thee fair well

Letter #3
II book of Scott
Chapter 5

1.And now behold I do write unto Alishia princess of the Bluffdalites,
concerning the things of my mind, a lonely place of confusion, the stinky
land doth require much in these the midterm days.

2.Now behold I do join study groups and do retire early to my room to read
and write the language of this land. And now behold I do work hard in the
fields of schooling, but will in the end be blessed for my trials.

3.Concerning the traveling of this people, I Scott, king of the stinky land
might travel unto the land of the salty lake, Dustin, the village idiot, is
going to travel for sure unto the land of sandy home of the great Mayan,
food source for many large in stature, Neil, the stinky lands chariot fixer
is also traveling unto the salty lands.

4.Now behold I do ask of the fair princess concerning my traveling, if I
should come unto her or if she shall travel unto to this land?

5.For behold I am conflicted upon this matter for it matter little unto me,
the great king for the stinky land, for I can choose not one friend over
another (o wait I can, ok Alishia, that was easy) so I will go and do the
things my friend commands.

6.And it came to pass that I do have a great head ache and I lack the tylo
of nol and there is much suffering in the land.

7.And it came to pass my day did fly on the back of a privet bird with my
teacher of the home from the land northward and came to lunch. Now behold he did
travel again unto this land with my uncle this day and brought me an extra
key for I did lock my set in my chariot. And we did rejoice in the food he
did provide form the land of china (a Chinese place down here).

8.Now I do send this letter with the hope of a return epistle, I send my
best wishes also.

Letter #4
II book of scott
ch. 6

1. Now behold Scott did want to inquire of the queen of the Bluffdalites,
who had expanded her kingdom to the north, and had subdued the evil unto
45th south. Now behold Scott did wonder about the life of the queen and the
lack of letters there of.

2. And it came to pass that I did recommence the writings that the darkness
of the land would cease, and the happiness would come again. And the letter
went.

3. Alishia, queen of the Bluffdalites, it has been a cold month in the land
stinky above all others, even colder without your writings. Nay it has been
a trying week in this land; the village idiot has become a thorn in my side.
Behold his laziness exceeds all others.

4. Now behold I did ponder on killing such boy but did not find it to be the
lords way. And it came to pass that I did leave my dwelling and went to the
club above all other clubs and had joy above all else.

5. And behold I say unto you there is nothing greater than shooting. And I
do testify to its purity.

6. And it came to pass I did return to my dwelling were I slept a deep sleep
in to the next after noon. And behold I had a dream in with I was helping my
fellow man, giving food and aid to those greatly harmed by a strong wing in
a land faraway.

7. Queen I do bid thee fair well, I must return to the place of learning
that I might rule the world with intelligence, and not fear. So hearken to
my words and remember not the things of negativity and cling unto the
things of happiness and joy, nay all things that are good. I do bid thee
well in all times. May god be with you till we meet again, amen.

My thoughts at lunch.

2010-06-21T16:47:00.002-06:00

I need to get away from here.
I need to cleans my self of this mundane existence.
I not fighting to become great,
I'm clawing to be little more then non existent.
I look at the people around me,
I don't think I better then them, I think I'm greater!
I'm capable of so much more.
I could lead, I could inspire or I could pass by unnoticed.
I'm a giant, but still a child.
I am unstoppable, yet standing still.
I am what I wish to be.
I am what I fear the most.

I've never needed to dive naked.

2010-06-20T18:40:00.009-06:00

This Saturday we went swimming around 6sh at the pool by our house. We were all having a good time splashing around and acting childish when we see a woman walk past us wearing nothing but soaking wet garments (Mormon underwear).

At first we didn't know what to say or think. Here is a grown woman 30-35 wearing see through clothing. As she stopped by a group of tables a manager and security guard come out and talk to the life guard that made her get out of the pool. Without warning this woman takes off the last layer of clothing she was wearing and runs for the pool! The security guard played lineman and blocked her attempted escape to the water filled with awe struck people.
After a moment of wrestling the naked woman the guard got her inside the building. we laughed and joke about what had just happened for a little while, joking with pool staff as they walked by. finally the mangier reappeared and walked with a trash bag to the top diving platform and started picking up the woman cloths, and that's when we put it all together.
This woman walked up three flights of stairs fully clothed, stripped to her religious underwear and jumped off a 15 meter diving platform! Then was kicked out of the pool and decided to strip naked. I have never had a day that bad! so my question is what would make a person go that crazy at a public pool?

P.S. no matter what you do, you will never party as hard as that chick!

The start of a new week

2010-06-15T09:03:00.003-06:00

In life there are certain things we come to expect and because we expect those things to happen we become devastated when they don't. I'm struggling this month with my parents inevitable divorce. As a child you just expect your parents to stay together forever, and why shouldn't you, that's how marriage has worked the last 3000 years for the most part. It's only in the last couple generations that divorce is as common as staying married, and it's starting to become more common than lasting marriage. It's surprising how much your parents divorcing will effect you at 25. When I found out that they were separating I thought that as an adult it would be easy to accept it and move on, yet my emotions are getting the better of me. I'm feeling like a small child that is helpless to stop it and torn how to feel.

Yesterday I posted on my facebook account "helped my mom move out of my dad's house today, not the best way to start your week." My brother sent me a text and helped me realize that facebook is not the best place to share my feelings about my parents pending divorce, but since only 2 or 3 people read this retarded blog I feel like I can vent here and not feel like I'm airing out my families business like a Greek mother at a family reunion.

I now feel like the movie four Christmases. I now have four sets of people I need to see for the holidays. I now have four houses to go to so my kids can "see the grand parents." Although one of the things that bothers me the most is that out of my parents three sons, adopted daughter, and all four children in law, none of our parents are still married. So where is the focus on the family? Where are the roll models that we should follow of how a marriage works? Is it any surprise that more that 50% of marriages fail? Where do we look for strong marriage roll models? T.V., parents, friends, relatives? If another divorced Mormon talks to me about the importance of marriage or eternal families again I swear to their god I will punch them in the face!
I'm trying to be understanding and not let this affect my relationships with my parents but I have a lot of anger and hurt over the whole situation. Although the one good thing out of all of this is that when my wife or my brothers tell me to do something I can shout "leave me alone, I come from a broken home!"

The trailer project.

2010-06-11T08:30:00.004-06:00

Over the last year I have needed a truck or trailer at least 10 times, and have had to barrow a truck/trailer from a family member or pay to have something hauled off. I would spend an hour getting and returning the truck to use it for 15 min. So I decided it was time to get a trailer, only problem is I don't own a truck. Now many people will make fun of me for this but I decided to put a hitch on my wife's car. Before you laugh let me explain. First I would have put it on my car but it has 162,000 miles on it and I expect it to die in the next 18 months, my wife's car has 50,000 on it and we are planning on having it for at least a few more years. second, IT"S FUNCTIONAL!! I understand that towing a trailer with a car is out side the normal, but the fact is that it works and I'm not towing a 21 foot trailer, I'm hauling light loads like bikes or camping gear on a small 4x8 trailer.
So my brother and I (mostly my brother) hooked the hitch mount to my wife's car in a couple hours, and the wiring should be fairly simple. The only problem now is I didn't have a trailer, so I went on the hunt. I looked a new trailers, used trailers and plans to build a trailer. but then I remembered the boat/boat trailer I gave my cousin last year.
A couple years ago my grandpa gave me an old boat and trailer that I was excited to fix, but I ran out of time and money to do it, so it sat in my dads back yard for a year. I offered it to my cousin and he was happy to have it. He had it for a few weeks and found that it wasn't water tight and that fixing it would cost more than the boat was worth, so he took the boat to the dump and kept the trailer for a future project.
After I talked my cousin out of the trailer I cut everything off that wasn't needed for a flat bed trailer, and designed how to make it something great. on Wednesday my brother Brian and I got out the welder and started modifying the trailer to work for my wife's car. I haven't welded in 6 years, but my welds didn't look half bad, even though I only welded about 1/4 of the trailer. The design of the trailer is the cool part, the front is tapered so it's harder to jack knife, and if you manage to jack knife it you hit a side of the trailer not a corner. we also made it a tilt deck so I could pull a 4 wheeler on it with out the use of ramps, or to make unloading other things a little simpler.
We are painting it tonight and hopefully testing it out tomorrow morning. I'll post pictures up after it is finished.

Moving forward yet standing still

2010-06-08T09:38:00.002-06:00

I'm feeling stagnant, I'm going day to day yet I'm standing in the same place I was three years ago. I feel the need for change but I'm scared to make it. The other problem is that I don't know what to change or how to change it. I feel like I've been waiting for that "dare to be great" situation yet it has never come, or has passed me by.

I wonder if my "dare to be great" situation does arrive, if I will be able to rise to the challenge or if I will let it pass me by out of fear or laziness.

We can only accomplish great things if we believe we are capable of achieving them.

The job of my guns

2010-06-02T09:12:00.002-06:00

As I talked about the different purposes of my guns with a friend, (shotguns for clay pigeons, pistols for concealed carry, rifles for target practice, etc..) My friend reminded my that my guns are all made to:

1. Defending my life.
2. Defending my personal freedoms from my government.
3. Defending my country
4. For sporting purposes. (if the first 3 are secure)

I thought this was a cool thought process that I will adopt when talking about firearms.

why

2010-05-25T15:52:00.003-06:00

I think that we don't ask this question enough because as children we are taught not to ask why. We should question everything, even those things we hold most dear. If we don't continually question ourselves and those around us we can not progress as a people.

Arguing with myself

2010-05-18T15:19:00.003-06:00

Last night I laid out on my front lawn and let my mind wander to where ever it wanted. After thinking about my sprinkling system and if it was turned on or off and after I thought about work and everyday problems my mind settled on morality. What makes up morality? Who decides what is considered moral, and is morality only a human concern as Albert Einstein hypothesised?
Moral universalism says that morality is universal and that it applies to every person, no matter culture, race, sex, religion, nationality, sexuality, or any other distinguishing feature. Almost everyone will agree that killing some one else is wrong, that's moral universalism. What bout cultures that practiced human sacrifice? How about modern countries that have committed mass genocide? We as a culture condemn killing other people but other places thought it was completely normal. So if something as big as killing people is up for a moral debate how can we possibly decide what is moral and immoral when it comes to dating, life style choices, and so on. Just because you think something is wrong doesn't make it so, others might think it's totally okay.

Mountain Climbing

2010-05-18T15:06:00.002-06:00

A man was climbing up a mountain, sadly he fell and broke almost every bone in his body. He was so determined to get up that mountain that he had a friend lower a rope down to him and he held on to the rope with his teeth, when they were near the top one of the men who was pulling the man up called down are you okay? The man answered yesssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wake me up when May ends.

2010-05-10T13:53:00.002-06:00

I'm having a rough time expressing how I feel through words today. I feel like a cave man wanting to hit things to show his frustration, or a infant screaming for no apparent reason other than just wanting to scream. The worst part of feeling like a failure is knowing you can do better but being to depressed to do anything about it. I had to struggle to get to work today and I am forcing my self to write this just to see if it will help me gain a different point of view. I have been having a rough month and the future isn't looking brighter.
On second though I don't feel like writing anymore of this down.

Holi, the festival of colors

2010-03-30T09:00:00.002-06:00

My wife wanted to go to a festival in Spanish fork this past weekend, I was reluctant to go but she convinced me and a group of friends to go. It's called The festival of colors. It's the festival the Hindu's have for a holiday called Holi, to celebrate diversity in life and the coming of spring. Even though I dragged my feet getting there I had an amazing time. We danced in the temple, played with friends, threw colored powder all over the place and danced in a crowed of over 5000 people, it was awesome.

After all was said and done we spent the next hour in the parking lot getting chalk off our faces and cloths. We laughed and joked the entire way home. I can't describe how much fun it was. I'm really looking forward to next year.

Kids do the darndest things.

2010-03-16T11:32:00.003-06:00

On KSL.com today was the following story.

"A 14-year-old boy faces DUI charges. Orem police say they were first alerted Friday around 11:00 p.m. to a report of a vehicle hitting a fence and backing into another vehicle outside a mobile home park near 500 North and 1200 West. The car was gone when an officer arrived, but another report of a suspicious vehicle helped locate the car. Later officers caught up with the suspect's car, pulled it over and were shocked to find out the driver was only 14 years old. A 13-year-old female passenger was also inside the car. "When the officer went up to speak to him, he could smell alcohol," said Sgt. Craig Martinez. Martinez also says the car was stolen out of Salt Lake City. Martinez says the teen faces many charges including DUI and leaving the scene of an accident. He probably won't drive legally for awhile."

I'm sure there is plenty of blame to go around, bad parenting, living in the wrong place, bad schooling system, who cares who you blame it still comes down to a stupid 14 year old steeling a car, getting drunk and going for a joy ride. I'm not here to stifle the dreams of this young man wanting to become a life time criminal, but what the hell was he thinking? Obviously this kid isn't the brightest bulb in the box, but you don't need to be a genius to figure out that you don't jack a car get drunk and go driving. Yet another reason I don't want kids.

Reflections

2010-03-05T08:21:00.004-07:00

Yesterday my good friends step father was killed in a car accident (For news story see: http://www.currentargus.com/ci_14516138 ). It's made me think about life and death and how life can flip upside down in just a moment. I've dealt with death before, but never as closely as a father, brother, or child passing away. I can't pretend to understand the pain it would cause to have my parents die, or one of my brothers be gone forever. Seeing death gives me a greater appreciation for life, I often forget just how fragile we are as humans. We make plans, we strive to complete our goals and we never realize how close we are every day to death. Some times it's a few inches, other times its a few seconds that separate life and death.
A poem that my grandpa had hanging in his office before he died, a poem that now hangs in my house that shapes my life is called "That man is a success."

That Man is a Success
Who has lived well
laughed often and loved much;
Who has gained the respect
of intelligent men
and the love of children;

Who has filled his niche
and accomplished his task;

Who leaves the world better
than he found it,
whether by an improved poppy
or a perfect poem
or a rescued soul;

Who never lacked appreciation
of earth's beauty
or failed to express it;

Who looked for the best in others
and gave the best he had.

The songs that mean the most to me

2010-03-02T15:59:00.003-07:00

I want to share a few songs with you and explain why they mean so much to me.

1. Plain white T's - 1,2,3,4
This song got popular around the time I asked my wife to marry me. Every time I hear it it reminds me of how much I love her and how I want her to be with me for the rest of my life.

2. Chuck Wicks - Stealing Cinderella
This song is another one that reminds me of my wife. When I hear it I think about my wife and the special woman that she is and how the only person that her dad will listen to is his daughter, my wife. She is truly is a princess, and I hope I never forget that.

3. Louis Armstrong - What a Wonderful World
This song is more about the video than the song. Louis Armstrong reminds me of my grandpa Speakman, and the lyrics are how he lived his life, full of joy and love. It makes me miss him, but also remember him.

4. Zac Brown Band - Chicken fried
Nothing describes how I feel about my friends and family like this song. I enjoy where I come from and the people I surround my self with. I happen to be very proud of the quality of people I spend my time with. We need to remember to enjoy the little things in life.

5. Zac Brown Band- Whatever It Is
Its fitting that I start and end with my amazing wife. The song says it all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RJrNnRpVHg

the struggle

2010-02-22T15:43:00.002-07:00

In the last few weeks I've taken some hard hits to my ego and some harder hits to my wallet. I've been stressed out, knocked down and beat up emotionally. I deal with things using humor, but this month the humor is to close to the truth so it's not funny anymore. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, I'm trying to get my concealed carry classes going again, but I'm worried that wont be enough to make up the difference of the hours I just had cut at work. Its amazing how you don't understand the bad economy until it affects you in such a strong way.

The things we don't talk about.

2010-02-17T00:35:00.004-07:00

We all have things in our lives that we don't talk about, awkward things that are uncomfortable to bring up, or hurtful memories. We all have those, things we wish we never did or facts we'd like left unsaid. We have these things in our self, in our family and in our state. Just for fun lets talk about the things we don't talk about in Utah.
first, Utah is the #1 user of anti depressants in the united states. Hell, we pop them like pez in Utah. Why is it that we are so depressed in Utah, how do you explain it. My thought is that Mormons in Utah are held to an impossible standard of morality, kindness and religious obligation. A standard that can rarely, if ever, be lived up to. When you feel like everyone else is living such a clean perfect life, you feel like a failure that you cant keep up with the Jones's. The other problem we have is we hide who we truly are from one another to keep from being judged, criticized, shunned or "disciplined." We start to live 2 lives, one you show to the world and one you only show your friends, and sometimes you show it no one at all. If you feel like you cant live up to your standards and you have things you are constantly trying to hide of course your going to be depressed! So do we need the pills? NO! just accept your limitations and don't lead a double life.
2nd suicide. Utah is #9 on suicide.org for suicides at 15.9 per 100,000 people.
3rd Internet porn. First I ask you, how is that not funny? We put our self's out there as the moral guides of America and yet we masturbate more than any other state! That is just funny shit! Ok, that said lets look at this from a few different angles. first is genetics. Many people from Utah come from polygamist family's. When the LDS church first started it practiced polygamy and what kind of men would leave their church up root their family's and face constant persecution? Religious fanatics, and perverts wanting to bang 7 girls at a time. So is there a genetic link why we are a horny state? Another point of view is that porn is a sin that leaves no mark. What I mean by that is with cigarettes you stink, with beer you are obviously drunk, with an affair there is a second person involved. With Internet porn you look at it, clean your history, and no one knows about it. So it's a sin that is hidden from the world. Lastly I think it could be a combination of getting away with something you know you shouldn't do, and like before there is not proof.

So my point is that if you are doing it, so are a lot of other people. Enjoy life and be good to other people, most importantly be yourself and don't let others dictate who you should be.

Better than therapy?

2010-02-13T15:48:00.002-07:00

This last week has been a rough one and I've been having some major blues. This morning my cousin/best friend kirk, called me up and wanted to go shoot some .22's because the ammo is cheap and I have 3 types of them. At first the Idea of shooting was as appealing as peeing my pants and staying in them all day. Yet non the less I decided to go with him and his brother. We 4x4'd his car up a mountain road, set up some soda cans and had a blast. It's been almost 8 months since I've been shooting and I have forgotten how therapeutic it is to fire off a few hundred rounds. In the hour that we shot I worked out more emotional problems then a month of weekly counseling. I now remember why I shoot, and why I do archery, it's calming. It allows you to focus on one thing at a time and forget everything else. It allows your mind to sort and process everything. It is a meditation, much like floating in a pool is to me, with out the deep thought.
If you watch this clip it's the type of shooting I did for a couple years, when you are in a comp, and the buzzer goes off you forget everything in your life, you almost forget your name. It is the closest thing to feeling out of body I have ever had, you just act, there is no thinking.

So thank you Kirk, you gave me exactly what I needed today.

Life is a funny thing

2010-02-12T17:45:00.002-07:00

Life in general is a crazy thing. We make plans, we work as hard as we can to get somewhere in life, then something comes along and throws us a completely different direction that we didn't expect. This week has been a trial on my mind and soul. I have been forced to search inward and look at my self and problems in my life as well as look at the things that matter most to me. I've found things that once mattered and guided my life have become just things, and things I saw as simple and common have become the keystones of my life.
This weekend I am selling another one of my guns (sold one 2 weeks ago). My firearm collection has been the pride and joy of my life since I bought my first gun. I literally saw them as my reason to work. I would work for money to buy and shoot guns, that was it. So why am i selling them? I want to be debt free and be able to live without the stress of owing people money. My wife and I are not starving or close to loosing our house, I just cant stand to owe people money, so I'm selling whatever I haven't used recently, that includes some of my guns. I'm also selling the weapons collection I've been working on since 12, sai's, staffs, knives, police batons and so on. It's been rough to see your favorite things become just things. disillusionment is a hard thing.
secondly I have had a shitty week at work. I feel underpaid and over worked, but that's how 90% of Americans feel so I'm not alone. I've just been stressed, and the fact that my eye has been twitching for the last 5 days hasn't helped much. not to mention the lack of good sleep. I have been having bad dreams and waking up 4-10 times a night.
As I said before though the little things I took as common have changed to the things I value most. On Wednesday I got some bad news, that I don't want to talk about here, and when I came home I felt like absolute shit. my dog without missing a thing came up to me and gently put his head on my lap. that night he curled up next to me and just stayed there until I fell asleep. It's amazing how animals can pick up feelings. I haven't wanted to talk about my feelings this week to anyone, but my dog has been the greatest comfort I have ever had in a time of need. I've never seen my wife as common but this week she has exceeded every expectation I've ever had. she has been the most loving kind person you could ever ask for. I love that woman. and lastly swimming. I've always loved water, I do my best thinking while just floating in a pool, but this Thursday my wife and I went to the pool and I was able to put my mind back together in the 90 min we were there, just relaxing in the deep end.
It's strange the importance we put on things and how we think that we control our lives. We have very little control, and nothing material matters. as I was floating in the pool Thursday I had the thought, "The things that matter most in your life will always change, so never hold to something so tightly that you are afraid to let it go. Life is simple, yet reason and logic cannot explain why things happen the way they happen, for people are not logical. So be like water, when it is in a river it is the river. when water is in a glass it becomes the glass. Be like water and flow in and out of where you are meant to be." It might not make sense but trust me it was profound to me at the time.

How I'm feeling tonight and one of my favorite poems

2010-02-09T21:58:00.001-07:00

The Genius Of The Crowd
By Charles Bukowski.

there is enough treachery, hatred violence absurdity in the average
human being to supply any given army on any given day

and the best at murder are those who preach against it
and the best at hate are those who preach love
and the best at war finally are those who preach peace

those who preach god, need god
those who preach peace do not have peace
those who preach peace do not have love

beware the preachers
beware the knowers
beware those who are always reading books
beware those who either detest poverty
or are proud of it
beware those quick to praise
for they need praise in return
beware those who are quick to censor
they are afraid of what they do not know
beware those who seek constant crowds for
they are nothing alone
beware the average man the average woman
beware their love, their love is average
seeks average

but there is genius in their hatred
there is enough genius in their hatred to kill you
to kill anybody
not wanting solitude
not understanding solitude
they will attempt to destroy anything
that differs from their own
not being able to create art
they will not understand art
they will consider their failure as creators
only as a failure of the world
not being able to love fully
they will believe your love incomplete
and then they will hate you
and their hatred will be perfect

like a shining diamond
like a knife
like a mountain
like a tiger
like hemlock

their finest art

1984 by George orwell, and why it's my favorite book

2010-02-09T08:59:00.006-07:00

In my English 1010 at snow college we had to read 1984 by George Orwell. At first I thought "I hate assigned reading." As I continued to read this phenomenal book I became enthralled. People say the Bible is a "living book," and that it is applicable throughout time. If any book is a "living book" it's 1984. George Orwell wrote a book that shows every political party's dream, a world they completely control, and having a mindless population that will follow unquestioningly and forget anything that contradicts what has been said before. There are many ways that this book is applicable to our daily lives, not just with our political leaders but with, religious leaders, private business, or just old fashioned peer pressure.
I want to go through these influences that are so predominant in our lives, starting with the least important and going to the things that effects us, at least according to me.
1. Peer pressure. There was a study done that proves my point completely about how we as people conform because we fear being out cast or singled out from the crowd, the study was the Asch Conformity Experiment (1953). If everyone around us is going one way, we are likely to follow, even if we think it's the wrong way to go. We are more comfortable when we are part of a group than when we are singled out.

2. Private companies. Our minds are bombarded with adds everywhere. We see adds on billboards, in news papers, on bathroom walls and even sent to our homes in "saver packs." We are conditioned to want things we don't need, to vote one way or another, to do things because "that's just what you do." if you see a billboard a 100 times a day for a plumbing company who will you think of first when your toilet clogs up?
3. Political parties. If you've read the book this needs no explanation. if you haven't read the book, do.

4. Religion. This book constantly reminds me of the control that all religions have over their followers. They have destroyed the things that make us human. they destroyed sex, making it only for procreation a.k.a. "doing your duty," taking out of a way to connect to another human being. They also turn children against their parents, making a child a spy within the home. They take away your ability to think for yourself by conditioning people by repeating things like "I know our church is true" or "I know that Jesus died for my sins." How can one "know" these things, they can feel them of suspect its true, but not know it. If you repeat something enough times you start to believe it.
1984 is one of the most influential books in my life. It has changed how I critically think about almost everything. if you haven't read this book you need to. It will rock your world if you take the time to understand how it still applicable to us today.

"War is peace
freedom is slavery
ignorance in strength"

Money

2010-02-02T11:54:00.003-07:00

It's amazing how quickly money, no matter how much, or little is involved can destroy a marriage, friendship, or even a person. We work for it, we try to save it, we have a lot more of it then we really need, yet we crave it to our core as humans. So what to we do with our money? We spend it on stuff, stuff we don't really even need. "Do you have a car? well screw your 3 year old, perfectly fine car! Buy a new one for only $10,000 more than what you still owe on the last one!" if we put all car commercials in that format no one would buy a new car, so we make it a status symbol and suddenly everyone "needs" a new car. Who cares if you will be in debt until your 60, it's the american dream! We buy more things than we could ever need and spend more on it than we should be able to justify. I'm sick of material shit, life has a higher meaning.

Knowledge or Ignorance?

2010-01-28T09:53:00.002-07:00

"I'd like to give my testimony that I KNOW the church is true. I KNOW that Joseph Smith was a prophet...." If you have gone to a L.D.S. church house on fast Sunday you've heard this repeated over and over again. It get really exciting when some one switches the order or adds something new to it. I want to focus on two words repeated in both sentences "I know."
Knowledge is a great thing, it can give you great strength and power. Knowledge can save your life, or it can help you save another persons life. Knowledge, to me, is the reason we exist. As Carl Sagan beautifully put it, "We are a way for the Universe to know itself"
So how does someone come to "know" the church (whatever church it may be) is true? They read their religious book or books and pray about it. Then after their god, who ever it may be, "reveals" the truth to them they now know WITHOUT A DOUBT, that their church/religion is true. If you take the time to ask them how they came to know this they say, "a feeling", or "a voice", told them it was true. If I hear voices I'm crazy, but if a religious person hears them it's sacred?

How often do we all get warm fuzzy feelings in a dramatic movie? I watched the movie "Blind Side" a couple weeks ago, there were a couple parts in the movie that gave me a "warm feeling" inside, does that mean it was a work of god? No, it is a story that makes you feel good, much like religion. I'd live to like in ecstasy for all eternity, I'd also like to have unlimited money and a house that cleans its self but that doesn't make it so.
It is a religious practice to block out anything that doesn't fit in with their point of view, that's why when you have a discussion with religious people the conversation always ends in them saying "I believe the church is true and nothing will change my mind." It feels nice to know that you'll never truly die, and that there is someone who will always love you, even when you really fuck up big time, but as I said before, that doesn't make it so.
Knowledge comes from studying a topic completely and unbiasedly, from all sides. Ignorance is not knowledge, let us not confuse the two.

"Knowledge will forever govern ignorance, and a people who mean to be their own governors, must arm themselves with the power knowledge gives." — James Madison

Tithing slip

2010-01-13T13:30:00.002-07:00

I was going through some boxes in my garage and found some of my old church stuff including a tithing slip for 29.50. It made me stop and think for some reason, I sat down and thought about it for about for a while and 3 questions kept returning to my mind. How many times did I give the church money? How much money have I given the church in my life? What did I get in return for my investment?
By the time I was done thinking I came to one thought, I WANT MY MONEY BACK! I not only feel like the church owes me money, but that they owe me for the time I spent in church, the time I spent doing fast offerings, the time I spent in young mens, and the time I spent doing church callings. Add up about 8 hours a week, X 52 weeks a year at $10 an hour for 18 years (how long I went) and you will see that the church owes me $79,040. now add in the mystery amount of tithing, and I would guess about $3,000 in my church going life so the total comes to $82,040 but we'll round down to 82G's even just to be nice.
No wonder the church is so rich, they don't pay anyone for anything! I'd be rich to if I could do that!

Why my kids will never play sports

2010-01-07T18:28:00.003-07:00

U of U vs. byu game.

Fat people

2010-01-07T10:30:00.002-07:00

I'm an excessively large person, a.k.a. I'm a fat guy. I know I'm fat and I accept it. The problem I have is I dislike fat people. Now to clarify this I hate two types of at people, first and foremost I hate fat people that are bitter at the world.
I understand being a bit bitter to the world when your over weight. You are judged before people talk to you because of your weight, you get looked at when your at a restaurant because people think you don't need to eat because your fat. The joke, the teasing, even your friends will make jabs about your weight, so you become bitter and a recluse. Well bad news the world isn't going away! angry fat people piss me off for one reason, if you are that angry look in a mirror and see the problem.

Your fat, get over it or loose weight. don't hate everyone else because you have a sensitive spot about your weight. turn the joke around on them, or roll with the punches, quit caring what other people think and enjoy your life! Be funny about it! Life is a joke anyway.
The second type of fat person I cant stand are those who dress like they are skinny. One of my friends dated a girl who was BIG like 450 pounds of big. We went to the lake with a big group of people and she shows up in a fucking bikini!

If your fat, dress like your fat, cover up! I'm not saying be Amish, but have respect for your self and the people who are with you. There are ways of dressing that can make you look thinner, find out what they are and do it!

Lastly I want to say that there is a certain point of being fat where it hinders everything you do. if you hit that point, do something about it. if you cant go up a flight of stairs without getting short of breath you need to diet. thats not an insult just a point of view that you can change if you want to bad enough. I know it sucks being fat, I'll be the first one to say it. fat people are the last group that you can openly make fun of with out a law suit, try making a gay joke at work, or a black joke, hell make a joke about mentally disabled people and you'll be out on your ass, but you make a fat joke and people laugh. Its not fair it's not right but it is the way it is. So love your self no matter what and just enjoy life.

Making a hard decision

2009-12-31T10:30:00.005-07:00

For the last month I have been thinking about writing a letter to Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Membership Records Department and asking to have my name removed from the records of the L.D.S church. I have already written my letter to the church, and have figured out where and who to mail it to. The only problem is deciding if I should mail it or not.
There are many reasons to send in my letter any many not to.

Reasons not to send in my letter,

-It would cause hurt to my family.
-It would alienate me even more from my neighbors/friends/family
-It severs ties to the church completely.
-It would cause friends to not talk to me.

Reasons to send in my letter.

- It would be my final act as a member of the LDS church, and it would be a relief that I am free of it.
- It makes it so I cannot be "disciplined" by the church. Because If you don't take your name off the records of the church they have the right to "religiously discipline" you, including publicly excommunicating you, or disfellowshiping you. It's actually kinda creepy if you read they bishops handbook what the church has the "right" to do, even if I find it immoral that they claim to have those rights over you.
-I would not be subject to "re-activation projects" or having home teachers, visiting teachers or have church flyer's taped to my door. I wouldn't have the bishop or other leaders dropping by my house.
- It would be symbolic that I am not coming back to the church and people would stop asking me to come to church with them.
-It would give me a relief and a weight off my shoulders. It's hard to explain, but that's how I feel.

I'm almost certain I'm going to send it in, just feeling a little skittish in making that final jump. It's a big decision that I haven't taken lightly and makes me nervous about the reaction that will happen, just like when I quit going to church. I don't believe in the LDS church, and haven't for a very long time. so I think that it's time that I take the final step.

Here is my letter of Resignation,

"Resignation of church membership of
Scott Pete---, born xx-xx-xxxx in xxxxxx, Utah.

Current address,
xxx W xxx S,
Salt lake, UT, xxxxx

With this letter to you I officially notify you of my resignation from membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, effective immediately. With my resignation I voluntarily sever all my relationship to the church.

I therefore request you to make the necessary changes in the church membership records to indicate that I am no longer a member. I am familiar with the procedures as outlined in the Church Handbook of Instructions, and I request that you fill out and forward the necessary administrative forms as soon as possible.

I assure you that I do not take this step lightly. I have devoted a good deal of thought, prayer and study, over a considerable period of time. I am firm and unalterable in my decision to end my membership to the L.D.S. church.

I am aware that according to church doctrine this cancels all blessings, baptisms, ordinations, promises, covenants, and my hope of exaltation in the celestial kingdom, and I have made my decision with that consideration in mind.

I request that no one representing the church contact me for any reason other than to confirm that my request is being processed. In particular I will refuse to speak with anyone from the church who attempts to argue with me about the wisdom of my decision. As I said before I have spent years coming to this decision, with much study and prayer and do not wish to discuss a very personal matter with strangers.

It is my understanding that you are required to indicate on your form my "reason for leaving." Please state the reason as "At member's request" or "Doctrinal reasons," since that is, in fact, the reason. I insist that you should not put there any reason which may be derogatory to me. I wish to assure you that I am not leaving the church because of some personal slight or insult, or because I have "sinned" or am unable to "keep the commandments." I have simply come to the very sad realization that the church is not what it claims to be, that its doctrine is false, and that the LDS church is not where I wish to be.

I request that my name removal request be forwarded without delay to the stake president in accordance with the Church Handbook of Instructions. I would appreciate you doing this as soon as possible as I would like to get this taken care of in a timely manner.

Please inform the stake president that I want to waive the thirty-day waiting period during which the stake president may hold the request in order to give me the opportunity to rescind. Rather, I request him to process it without delay as I have spent years making this decision. Please ask the stake president to notify me when he has forwarded my request to church headquarters. If I do not hear from him, I will contact the church records department to make sure the request is being processed.

I will consider any unnecessary delay to be a violation of my rights of free association and freedom of religion as guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution.

I consider this matter to be confidential and very personal, and I insist that no church representative discuss my resignation with any persons other than those church officers who are processing my name removal or those who must be informed to carry out their church duties; that if any church official speaks of this matter outside of official channels, I will consider it a violation of confidence, a violation of church regulations (CHI p. 130), and seek legal redress.

Thank you for your courtesy in honoring my request without delay.

Yours truly,

Scott Pete---"

New Years

2009-12-29T13:48:00.004-07:00

I'm not a big fan of new years resolutions. I think they are like gingerbread houses, fun to make, but they only last a few weeks before they crumble. I've always said if I want to make a change I'll do it when I decide to change, but this year some of my goals rely on the help of others and they all want to start on January 1st, so I'm suck. I have 3 goals this year.

First, I'm going on a diet with my wife, brothers and father. The hope is that it will make feeding people when we're all together easier. Not to mention that when you do things like this in a group your more likely to succeed. My wife and I did this same diet 2 years ago and it really worked for us so we are going to do it again for 6-12 months and see what happens.

secondly, I'm going on a finical plan with my wife so we can be out of debt in the next 18 months and be on the road to independent wealth in the next 5 years. We are going to live like we are broke as hell, because in 5 years we will have no debt, we'll own our own home and have 20,000 in the bank. How may 29 year olds can say that?

Third, I'm going to work harder at promoting my own company. When I teach classes I make $50-$150 an hour depending on the class size. thats about 5x what I make from 8-5 at my normal job.

Like I said, I hate new years resolutions but I'm making them this year.

Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to

2009-12-21T16:02:00.005-07:00

We were at my wife's parents house on Sunday doing the whole family Christmas thing, having a good time and taking about this and that. Her mother at one point said "I'm thinking I should get a facebook page." We laughed and made a joke about being to old for a facebook page but she replied, " why not, unless there is something you don't want me to see." I try not to lie to people, but my wife and I have different religious views, moral views, and life styles then her mother. So I said nothing, and the silence was golden. People often ask questions they don't want to hear the answers to, but then are offended by the answers they get in return. So the moral of the story is don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to!

Dogs

2009-12-21T15:17:00.005-07:00

When I was growing up we had two dogs, one when I was very little and we ended up giving her away because she got out of our yard so often, and we got another one when I was about ten, who we had until about three years ago when he was put down because of old age. My parents had one very strict rule about dogs, "They are never allowed inside the house for any reason," a hurricane could be hitting Utah for the first and only time in time in history and the dog is still not allowed in the house, but in that one instance maybe they can come in the garage. I always felt bad about this rule, it never felt right to me, I understand why you don't want an animal in the house, they can break things, chew on stuff, pee on your carpet and they can smell bad.

Now all of these things are fixable with training and a bath but at the end of the day you are still letting an animal live in your house. As my dad would argue, why not let a pig or a horse in your house? Because a dog shows affection, love and is a protector (even if they can only bite ankles). My wife and I bought a lab/rotti mix, and I didn't understand that I could love a dog that much. The fact that we let him in the house has changed the way I have viewed dogs in the past. He has become part of the family, not just a pet. Now many people can take that way way way to far, and they do,

but how far is too far?

I guess the point of this is to say I love my dog, and maybe I let him get away with too much.

christmas cheer

2009-12-15T09:16:00.002-07:00

I am a big fan of Christmas time, the lights, the family, the friends and lets not forget the food. Every year I try to find one person who needs a little help and anonymously help them. This year I'm having a hard time finding someone because no one I know fits my three qualifications. first, of course, is they need help in some way or another. Second they cant be being helped by any other person or group. Now that one may sound strange, but there are many people who are overlooked by church groups or charity's because they aren't poor enough. I cant help someone who is about to loose there house, I just don't have the funds, but I can give $100 worth of food to someone with an empty fridge or gift cards to Walmart to someone in need of new clothes. finally rule three, they need to deserve it. I don't want to reward some ass hole for being an ass hole. I want to help someone who is kind to others or at least a nice. I want to give it to someone who will help others when they can.
Only problem like I said was I don't know who to do it for.

Being sick

2009-12-14T10:37:00.002-07:00

The last week I've been coughing up my insides and blowing them out my nose. Its been great fun. I missed my work party and survived a family get together by coughing all over everything and everyone. It's funny how I have no motivation to do anything when I'm sick. This weekend I laid in bed, or on the couch and watched movies, it was thrilling to say the least. It was nice though, I haven't had time to just sit and do nothing in a few months, but 3 days of it was a little much for me. Although I'm still coughing like a mad man it's nice to be out of the house and at work.

Enough said.

2009-12-07T10:36:00.001-07:00

American patriot, or jumping on the band wagon?

2009-12-04T08:48:00.003-07:00

Last night I was having a discussion with my cousin. He wanted a picture of a confederate flag for his phone and was looking for someone to to send him a picture of one. I told him that to me the confederate flag was about oppression and racism. He said it was about heritage and freedom, to which I replied it had a heritage of hate and racism. His problem boiled down to the fact that he didn't like the way the government is being run and then called him self an American patriot and sent me a picture of an American flag hanging on his front room wall. For some reason it made me think about the word patriot, and what it means. I have a flag in my front yard, the declaration of independence hanging in my office and the original amendments next to it, yet I don't consider myself a "patriot," I simply love my country and the principles it was founded on. I've never picked up arms to defend her, I've never been forced to risk my life to ensure the flag continues to fly. Hell I've never even been threatened for my love of this country.

The dictionary defines the word patriot very simply. "Pa·tri·ot (pta-tre-et-ot) n. One who loves, supports, and defends one's country." I love my country, I support my leaders when I can, but I've never had to defend m country. I think to call your self a patriot when you have never had to pick up arms and defend her is an insult to the men and women who defend and protect this country every day! The problem we have as a country is we think we are "owed" everything with out earning it, you must earn the title patriot. Let me give you an example.

Retired Army Col. Van T. Barfoot, a World War II veteran was awarded the lofty Congressional honor for standing up to three German tanks with a bazooka and stopping their advance while at the same time taking out multiple pill boxes and rescuing 2 wounded comrades. He was also awarded the purple heart. He continued his service after WWII and fought in Korea and Vietnam before retiring from the service in 1974.

That's is an American patriot! He earned that title. Now the sad part to this hero's story is he is being sued by his home owners association for putting a flag pole in HIS OWN FRONT YARD!! Where have we gone wrong in this country? In my book someone who received a medal of honor, a purple heart, and fought in 3 different wars can do almost anything they want, because they earned it! Read the story @ http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705349019/WWII-vet-fights-homeowners-group-over-flagpole.html
I have a love for my country that runs very deep in me, that's not to say I don't think my government does despicable things in the name of my country, but it does mean I would defend her if the need arose. I am no patriot, that title is reserved for those who have fought and died for her.

What then? Life after leaving the LDS church.

2009-12-02T09:07:00.005-07:00

Family disowning you, girlfriends dumping you and constantly being told you've lost your way or that your being influenced by Satan, these are all things that happened to me for leaving The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Everyone who leaves the LDS church has a different story, but they are all the same in a way. We all have a disillusionment, We all get disowned or shunned in some way and their is always a lot of emotional pain, on both sides.
1. Disillusionment
I was baptized when I was eight, just like most church members. I remember the day clearly, the white cloths, getting to sit with my dad, my grandparents sitting with my mom and brothers. The water was cold, but it didn't bother me, my father said the baptismal prayer, and put me under the water. I went back to the changing room and started to think, "I'm sinless, I'm perfect right now at this moment. I wonder if it feels different then if I sin?" so I did what any eight year old would do, I sinned to my understanding. I whispered "shit," nothing changed. I remember feeling disappointed, but didn't understand how that one thing would be so symbolic to me later on in life.
When I was thirteen was the first time I questioned my faith in the church, I remember my dad and I were driving on about 27Th west and about 53rd south right by some big water tanks and I said "dad how can you know the church is true?" He pulled over and we talked for a while, about the book of Mormon, Joseph Smith and the church in general. When we were done I felt you could some up the answer to "you need to read the book of Mormon and pray about it." This line is on the list of the top five reasons I left the church. It seemed every time I had a question that couldn't easily be answered I would be told "you need to pray about it." Looking back it bothers me how long that line worked on me. I would pray about it, but I have never received an answer through prayer and maybe I should count it as a blessing that voices never talked back because that's a big sign of schizophrenia.
I spent all of my teenage years defending the church, never voicing out loud that I had no belief in the LDS church, but as it's been said to me "the fish always fight the hardest right before they get in the boat." I would read church books, I would pray and I would always go to church. To say that going to church benefited me would be a compete lie. I blessed the sacrament with people who I knew smoked pot. My young mens leader was the most perverted man I knew, yet self image was everything to him. I would sit through church just waiting to go home to get away from the people there.
By the time I had reached the middle of my first year of college I had read the book of Mormon many times, as well as a lot of other books suggested by the church. It was the in early winter my first year of college I was having a rough time with religion and tired of doing things out of routine so I spent the better part of a week doing nothing but going to class coming home reading my Book of Mormon and praying. At the end of that week I went to the Manti temple in the middle of the night knelt down and prayed. I cried, I begged for an answer and none came. As I drove away I gave up my religion.
2. Being disowned/shunned
It took me a while to start to "come out" to my family that I didn't believe anymore. As it became more known I became more of a out cast. I was no longer allowed to go to some peoples houses, one person even asked me not to talk to their kids like I was a pedophile. My second year of college I had a girlfriend brake up with me when she found out I wasn't Mormon. You become a circus freak, something people are scared of. It's funny the reactions people have to you when you say your an ex-Mormon as opposed to just not being Mormon. People don't hate you for never being Mormon, because you might become Mormon. On the other hand if you know the gospel of the church and you reject it there must be something wrong with you. the following two clips show what I mean on a larger scale, not just the LDS religion.

3. Emotional pain on both sides
I remember the day I told my mom that I didn't believe in the church any more. It was a few months after my grandpa Speakman died and right after my brother Brian got home from his mission. My mother at first acted like it was something she could argue me out of, telling me I was wrong and hoping she could talk me out of it. By the end of the conversation she yelled at me saying "your ruining my eternal family!" She stormed out of my room leaving me with a large weight on my shoulders. I started to pack my stuff crying, ready to go back to school when my brother Brian came in hugged me and said, "I love ya." It was so simple yet to this day my brother has no idea what that one kind thing meant to me, he saved my life. many people don't understand the effects that simple words can have on a person, for good or bad. I will struggle with this with my family for the rest of my life, knowing there are some things we just cant talk about anymore. There will be important parts of my life they will never know about, and I will miss out on many things with my brothers because there is that gap between us, and that saddens me more than I can ever express.

I'm not sure how to end this story or if it will ever really have an end. All I know is that life is funny how it works out and I wish the best for everyone, no matter what their religious paths may be.

Confessions of an Economic Hit Man, by John Perkins

2009-12-01T10:33:00.000-07:00

I just finished this amazing book. I'll let Alex Roslin explain the general out line of the book before I tell you what I think.

"John Perkins started and stopped writing Confessions of an Economic Hit Man four times over 20 years. He says he was threatened and bribed in an effort to kill the project, but after 9/11 he finally decided to go through with this expose of his former professional life. Perkins, a former chief economist at Boston strategic-consulting firm Chas. T. Main, says he was an "economic hit man" for 10 years, helping U.S. intelligence agencies and multinationals cajole and blackmail foreign leaders into serving U.S. foreign policy and awarding lucrative contracts to American business. "Economic hit men (EHMs) are highly paid professionals who cheat countries around the globe out of trillions of dollars," Perkins writes. Confessions of an Economic Hit Man is an extraordinary and gripping tale of intrigue and dark machinations. Think John Le Carré, except it's a true story.
Perkins writes that his economic projections cooked the books Enron-style to convince foreign governments to accept billions of dollars of loans from the World Bank and other institutions to build dams, airports, electric grids, and other infrastructure he knew they couldn't afford. The loans were given on condition that construction and engineering contracts went to U.S. companies. Often, the money would simply be transferred from one bank account in Washington, D.C., to another one in New York or San Francisco. The deals were smoothed over with bribes for foreign officials, but it was the taxpayers in the foreign countries who had to pay back the loans. When their governments couldn't do so, as was often the case, the U.S. or its henchmen at the World Bank or International Monetary Fund would step in and essentially place the country in trusteeship, dictating everything from its spending budget to security agreements and even its United Nations votes. It was, Perkins writes, a clever way for the U.S. to expand its "empire" at the expense of Third World citizens. While at times he seems a little overly focused on conspiracies, perhaps that's not surprising considering the life he's led."

This book has changed my world view as well as shifted my understanding of world politics. In this tell all book John Perkins, a former economic hit man, tells of all the countrys that we have subdued through massive debt. and the ones who don't come quietly we kill, and he names names. I love my country, and always have but this book shook my patriotism to its core.
it showed me the billions of people we hurt by treating economics the way we do. things like the following movie clip are SMALL examples of how our country exploits people with out a second thought.

Very few thing are produced in countries that have labor laws and high standards of living anymore. We seek out countries that are poor and we exploit them, making a handful of the people rich and pushing the rest in to starvation so they are willing to work a 16 hour day for just over a dollar. We support sweatshops and say we are industerlizing their country and that we are giving them jobs. when the truth is we destroyed their lands, built factories on their farm and now they must work for almost nothing so they can just afford to starve.

I beg you to read this book, it will rock your world!

Ignorance is bliss?

2009-12-01T09:06:00.000-07:00

Last night I had the opportunity to sit at a gas station down town last night. I was able to just sit and watch people come in and out, catching small parts of their conversations and seeing some small part of their lives. It's Interesting to see the kind of people that go to a gas station at midnight, I saw wanna be gangstas, a pregnant drug addict holding an infant, homeless people wanting to cash in their change for dollar bills, cab drivers and the token drunk girl on a beer run. I sat and listened to the conversations being passed from one person to the next, constantly amazed at the low level of education many of these people had.
I don't believe that education is about a degree or about going to classes. I think being educated means you try to expand your knowledge daily, reading books, searching topics out on the Internet, going to lectures or listening to a wise person you respect. With the vast availability of the Internet in public library's and schools their is no excuse to be so ignorant. We live in the information era, we have millions of research articles, papers and books available online.

I'm not saying that I am a great thinker of our time, or that I am extremely smart but I am saying that there is no excuse to be uneducated in this day and age. We have a plethora of information at our fingertips, yet we choose not to use it out of laziness. Please educate your self, be a critical thinker and challenge everything you read and learn.

Lunch break

2009-11-30T14:15:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot today about what we do out of comfort, and all the things I do because it's easier to do them than to change that part of my life. We all have those things, we don't exercise when we have other things to do. We don't clean the house for what ever reason, but sometimes we don't do big things because we think it will be difficult. We stay in an abusive marriage because we don't know where we would go, or stick with a dead end job because we are scared to change.
It's amazing how the little changes we make today will change our lives in huge ways tomorrow. I think it's slightly true that we are like mice in a maze looking for the cheese, every turn puts us on a different path. some may take longer to get to the end and some might be huge shortcuts, but we never know which are which. I think that's what makes life an adventure, but the problem is when we decide to sit and wait in the maze instead of making a decision to go right or left.
I just hope in the future that I will be willing to make a decision faster and not just sit in the maze waiting for a decision to come to me.

My favorite poem

2009-11-25T16:53:00.000-07:00

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the Pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul
In the fell of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed
And yet menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid
It matters not how strait the gate
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul

-William E. Henley

What has blogging become?

2009-11-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

I enjoy blogs about politics, religion, food, money, personal stories or anything that can be read by an individual and inspire some kind of feeling. I just pushed the "next blog" button on blogger.com for a straight hour, and every single one was the "so and so family blog" I swear to god not one blog about anything other than peoples kids. I get that people love their kids, kids are cute, but they are not worth 500 pages of blog! I beg people to do more than post pictures of your ugly child. Sorry but of the hundreds of pictures I just looked at maybe 20 of the kids were cute. Please for heavens sake, write something other people will care about.

The universe

2009-11-24T15:25:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about space a lot in regards to my own origin and how I came to be. It's awe inspiring to look up at the night sky and know that I am some small part of that universe. The universe is massive, to the point were we can not comprehend how large and vast it is. Our planet is a speck in the Galaxy and we are a speck on that speck.
With that large of a scale it's funny to think about things on this planet as if they some how matter. The universe doesn't care about how wonderful a rose garden looks, or if the sun rise is breath taking. We could be destroyed, our whole planet gone tomorrow and the cosmos would never notice.
As Neil deGrasse Tyson said In an amazing speech "We are star dust." What he means is that when a star dies and explodes it spreads it's chemicals and elements out in to space, and after billions of years it ends up in us. The chemicals that make up our bodies are traceable to phenomenon in the cosmos. Our basic composition is traceable to stars! How amazing is that?
so why then does it matter if we exist? If we could all be gone tomorrow and not even be missed, why do we exist? Simple, we are how the universe can know it's self. dogs don't marvel at the stars, horses don't contemplate the meaning of life. we are how the cosmos knows it exists. with out creative thought and scientific understanding, the universe couldn't understand it's own existence. I'm not saying we are the only creatures in the universe that look at the night sky and ponder about space, but we are the only ones on this planet that do.
Now this may make you feel small but it shouldn't! How amazing is it that we feel so much? Forget parting the Red Sea, I get to know joy and love, sorrow and pain, now that is a miracle! we get to feel anger over a flat tire, we get to laugh at a stupid joke, we get to love! To me, that is the meaning to life, experiences, knowledge, loving people and accepting one day it will be over and that that's OK. The universe is grand and marvelous, but so are we. I hope one day every one will understand how beautiful every person is.

Money and God.

2009-11-23T18:57:00.000-07:00

I was board at work today and decided to look at some religious stuff, when I stumbled upon a wikipedia page for the finances for the Church of Jesus Christ of later day saints, you know the Mormons. I read the page and was stunned with how much money the LDS church has! Now exact numbers cant be found because the church isn't required by law to report their finances because they are a "non profit" church despite the fact how much money they have.
In 1996 Time magazine reported on the finances of the church, this is back when membership was 4.9 million (now 12 million) and they only had 50 temples (now there are more than 135).

"TIME has been able to quantify the church's extraordinary financial vibrancy. Its current assets total a minimum of $30 billion. If it were a corporation, its estimated $5.9 billion in annual gross income would place it midway through the FORTUNE 500, a little below Union Carbide and the Paine Webber Group but bigger than Nike and the Gap."

now this was 13 YEARS AGO! the church has more than doubled it's membership and gained BILLIONS of dollars since this estimate. This article did not take into account the many of the company's the LDS church owns including television stations, radio stations, news papers, restaurants and business parks and movie production companies, although they did include the biggest.

"The top beef ranch in the world is not the King Ranch in Texas. It is the Deseret Cattle & Citrus Ranch outside Orlando, Fla. It covers 312,000 acres; its value as real estate alone is estimated at $858 million. It is owned entirely by the Mormons. The largest producer of nuts in America, AgReserves, Inc., in Salt Lake City, is Mormon-owned. So are the Bonneville International Corp."

So where does the money come from that is "non profit" related? Tithing! To be in good standing with the church you MUST give them 10% of your income. So where did this number come from? well of course Joseph Smith, but like many things he taught it wasn't in forced in the church until it after he died, (like drinking alcohol, LIKE JOSEPH SMITH DRANK).

"After the U.S. government confiscated church property under the Edmunds-Tucker Act in 1887, the church fell into severe debt. The government had seized most church assets, including tithing money donated by members. As a result, by the time Lorenzo Snow became church president in 1898, the church was $2.3 million in debt.[8]
Snow reiterated the principal of tithing (giving 10% of one's income to the church) and by 1907 the church was completely out of debt." - www.wikipedia.com

In 1996 the church had 30 billion in assets and 5.9 billion in cash. since then the church has doubled in size and in property. No church is required to pay taxes and are not required to disclose their finances for public record. The church has more money that 95% of businesses in America. To quote the bible,

Mark 10:25 "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

I'm not a religious man, in fact I despise the things that have been done to people in the name of "God", I loath the fact that because something is "sacred" it is considered untouchable and above the law and above dispute. I have never made an attempt to hide my feelings about this. On the other hand I deeply believe in individual spirituality and finding "the meaning of life" for yourself. Jesus never had grand temples when he was on this earth, he loved the poor and detested the hardened hearts of the rich. He dressed in humble garments and preached a life of meagerness. So how does a multi billion dollar empire reflect the principals of the man who's name is on the front of your buildings.

Self confidence

2009-11-23T17:45:00.000-07:00

This Friday we were at Keys On Main, we were having a good time listening to the music having a few drinks. My wife out of no where pointed out a group of older men with their wives, she singled out one man who had a very young girl sitting next to him. It was obvious that this 40+ year old man was trying to impress this woman. He was dressed in nice cloths, ordering lots of drinks and doing everything possible to close the deal with this 24 year old bomb shell.
I watched this guy intently for about 20 minutes, on the surface he looked like the modern playboy party boy, but when you watched him for a few moments you started to pick up on little things. The way he looked around when he laughed, the way he make over the top sexual jokes to be funny but the topper of them all was the way he constantly had his hands on her making it public that she was with him. It made me laugh to watch him, and see how insecure he was. The funniest part is that I, an overweight, middle class 24 year old has more self confidence that a well off (or tried to make him self appear so) good looking 40+ year old. Happiness in not about money, good looks or having a good looking girl on your arm, it’s about being happy with who you are and loving your self. The most important thing we can learn in life is to be confident in who we are or we will never be truly happy.

Moral values

2009-11-23T17:41:00.000-07:00

What are the core values you hold dear to? I’m not asking how you think you should live, but what are the moral principals you are willing to fight and die for, the basic values that shape your every decision and action in your day. I was talking to a friend last night that made me ponder my moral center and what guides me if not an omnipotent, omnipresent, sinless God. In my pondering I figure out the following core moral values.

1. I realize that every person is someone’s son, daughter, wife, husband, grandma, grandpa or best friend. On the surface of this argument it’s simple and a “duh” statement but think about it deeper. If some one yelled at my wife over nothing I am going to defend my wife and ensure she is treated fairly. So why would I yell at some one for making a small fixable mistake? Why would I treat someone in a way I wouldn’t want someone to treat my family? I know this is simply a branch off of the “golden rule,” but it’s more than that. I don’t care if people yell at me or talk trash because it doesn’t bother me that much, but I will never stand idly by as someone disrespects my family. So as I expect you to treat my family I will treat you.
2. Everyone should be allowed to do what makes them happy, unless it harms another person. Now that being said, I do not accept some activity’s and will not allow them in my home and furthermore will not stay in a place where those things are taking place. It is not my job to regulate what people do, nor should anyone else or government entity. It is our job to teach our children what will harm them and why and then hope they make good decisions. Logic is a beautiful thing that should be embraced and taught to our children, FEAR IS NOT A TEACHING TOOL FOR CHILDREN!!! If your child is scared you have not helped them you have hindered them and have decreased their cognitive reasoning skills! Teach them, explain until your blue in the face, but it is immoral to press your beliefs onto other people, especially if it’s not even your child! Remember that more people have been killed in the name of “God” than for any other reason, and that is also immoral.
3.It is our moral obligation to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. Children would be the most important group of people in this section, although not the only group. Children are special people; they are our future and are one of the most important things on this earth. Children must be protected from the many people in this world who are, for lack of a better word, evil. They prey on children because they are trusting and loving. These are the same people who prey on the old, the weak and the sick. These people are the lowest form of life in my opinion if you are one of these people you should be shot without mercy, because you have none yourself. So it is our job to help and protect those who cannot do it themselves. If we see a child being abused in anyway and we do nothing we are as guilty as the person who is committing the act.

Now this list is just the morals that guide MY life you may have more, you may have less but they are principals I’m willing to fight and die for. There are many more things that help me guide my life and those are important to me as well, but with out these 3 principals I am lost.