I'm working on it

I have a problem, an addiction if you will. I don't do drugs, I don't smoke and I'm not an alcoholic. So what is my addiction? Television. When I got married and moved out of my parents house my wife and I decided to not get cable or even hook up an antenna to the TV. We just had a DVD player and our movie selection and Redbox rentals. I loved it. I felt more connected to my wife and never stayed home to watch a show when friends called and wanted to do something. The television had been forgotten and left to do it's own thing.



I was happy not having the TV around to fill my nights with entertainment. Then we bought an antenna so Charity (the girl my wife helps take care of) could watch her favorite shows when she hangs out at our house. Then I found my self watching the news and family guy again, then I started watching other shows but only when my wife wasn't home or when we were both really tired from a long day. Yes I watched this kind of stuff,




This last month Chelsea and I bought a Bluray player that has netflix built in. At first I loved it, we would watch a documentary or a move but we have now started watching TV series on it and its starting to effect my life of not sitting on the couch and doing nothing after work. I have over 100 things on there saved in my play list, things I honestly want to watch and that's the problem.
I'm thinking of getting rid of my account and going back to no TV or moving the player to the exercise room and make the rule that netflix can only be watched while on my bike. The only problem is that I feel like an addict if I put a bunch of unenforced rules on something.

Half the time I'm tempted to just throw the TV in the trash and the other half I love watching a good show or movie and relaxing.

I think I have the best dog in the world! I never thought I cold love an animal they way I love my dog. Its a funny story they way I got him, My dad wouldn't let me have a new while I was living at his house and I knew I would be getting engaged soon. So I told my mom that I wanted to ask chelsea to marry by buying a dog and taking her on a picknick with the new dog. So with that idea my mom told my dad I WAS getting a dog. I'm slick like that. The way I looked at it was if Chelsea said no I got a dog, if she said yes I got a wife, win win for me. lol

Here are a few of my favorite pics.

Home brewing!

This is a hobby that I have started this year and I LOVE IT!!! It all started with a love for beer and a basic beer brewing kit. I started by brewing an apricot wheat beer and despite a lot of mistakes in the brewing process it turned out great! It was a little cloudy but it had a great taste and a smooth apricot finish. It felt amazing to make my own beer.



It started an addiction, so I bought another kit right off the bat, I decided to stick with wheat beers and tried a strawberry wheat beer. It turned out like crap, but hey thats part of learning. I bought a larger brew pot and a few other things that make brewing easier.

I'm now on my 6th batch. It has become a great hobby and I don't see me stopping any time soon. However I am thinking about branching off in to wine making....

Christmas time again

"He See's you when your sleeping. He knows when your awake. He knows when you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake." Who else does this sound like? As Christmas time rolls around we are all singing songs, baking cookies, running around buying presents, but if you don't mind taking a few seconds I would like to poke at your brain.



If we compare Santa and Christ we find many common factors, charity, love, compassion, punishment for being bad, reward for being good, they both see everything we do, and they both lived at one point in time. Yet one of these we stop believing in some time as a child. What if you took a young child who knew all about Santa, and nothing about Christ and put him away from all other people so he was never told Santa doesn't exist. He would wait for Santa on that first Christmas and be extremely disappointed when there was no present sitting under a tree for him. He would believe he was a bad child, and probably cry. The next year would be the same, as well as the year after that. He would grow up either hating Santa, or he would decide that Santa never existed.



How easily can that be transferred over to understand people who either hate god or don't believe he exists. After so many years of praying, and asking for help, only to be left helpless, even the most faithful can start to doubt and loose faith. The question is how many days, months, or years of waiting would it take for you to loose faith? (and if you answer never, you are lying to your self)


The funny thing about religion is how picky people can be about such small things. Every one believes in a Santa with a red suit and hat. Well, What if some people believed he dressed in blue? The idea of Santa is the same, the person is the same, yet in religion that would be a big enough difference that it could literally tear apart a family, and o' my what if his elf's were really midgets. It may seem silly or even stupid, but non the less it can cause blind ignorant hatred.

What I'm trying to say is that it doesn't matter what color the Santa suit is, it's the message that the man represents. Who cares if they are both are made up, who cares if both are real. Does it really matter if we say merry Christmas, happy holidays or happy Hanukkah? The idea or message is the same, love each other, be kind and all will be well.



Merry Christmas, and my Santa fill your stocking to the top.

P.S. Don't forget that this is a time for giving, and there are many people who are in need this year. If you feel like donating to the homeless give to the road home. www.theroadhome.org
or to help autistic kids get an IPad with apps to help them learn go to http://linkykids.org/

That Man is a Success

There have been a lot of people I know who have lost someone in the last couple months. When ever I hear that someone has died I think of the following poem that I have hung in my basement,

That Man is a Success
Who has lived well,
laughed often and loved much;
Who has gained the respect of intelligent men
and the love of children;
Who has filled his niche
and accomplished his task;
Who leaves the world better than he found it,
whether by improved poppy, a perfect poem,
or a rescued soul;
Who never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty
or failed to express it.
Who looked for the best in others
and gave the best he had.

Gordon B Hinkley interview in time mag 1997

(TIME magazine, August 4, 1997 (D. Van Biema).

Interviewer: Just another related question that comes up is the statements in the King Follet discourse by the Prophet.

Hinckley: Yeah.

Interviewer: About that, God the Father was once a man as we were. This is something that Christian writers are always addressing. Is this the teaching of the church today, that God the Father was once a man like we are?

Hinckley: I don’t know that we teach it. I don’t know that we emphasize it. I haven’t heard it discussed for a long time in public discourse. I don’t know. I don’t know all the circumstances under which that statement was made. I understand the philosophical background behind it. But I don’t know a lot about it and I don’t know that others know a lot about it.

I'm an Atheist

There are things in life you will be asked on a regular basis, questions like, "Where are you from?" "What do you like to eat?" "Where do you work?" Often we don't even need to think about the answers to these questions, we just pop out the usual mantras we have trained our selves to say over years of repeating them. I want to take a moment and share with you an answer to what some people consider the most important question in the word and is asked all the time, "what religion are you?" The answer, none, I'm an Atheist. To some people that word means something evil or anti-whatever they are, but really it is a shorter way to say "I looked at everything available to me and concluded that there is not enough proof that god exists." It's that simple, it doesn't mean that I am anti anything. The nice part of being atheist is that if one day solid proof is shown to me that god exist and that a religion is "true" I can easily change, because as Carl Sagan put it,
"In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion."

That is the amazing part of being an atheist, I can look at evidence and not feel the need to justify things in my religion. I don't need to accept things on blind faith, I can look at facts and truly know what I believe in is true. Science has only been around a short time in comparison to religion, but in that time we have explored other planets, seen the far edges of our galaxy, found cures to "incurable" diseases. We have made microscopes than can see unimaginably small things and telescopes that can see further than thought possible 50 years ago. However of all the things learned by science the most interesting thing to me is that, as Neil deGrasse Tyson stated, "the very molecules that make up your body, the atoms that construct the molecules, are traceable to the crucibles that were once the centers of high mass stars that exploded their chemically rich guts into the galaxy, enriching pristine gas clouds with the chemistry of life. So that we are all connected to each other biologically, to the earth chemically and to the rest of the universe atomically." Or as Carl Sagan poetically put it, "The cosmos is also within us, we're made of star stuff. We are a way for cosmos to know it's self." You don't need religion to be inspired, you need only to have a basic understanding of the universe and a clear night too look at the stars.

After hearing that you don't believe in god many people ask, "so where do you go when you die?" or "when you die do you go into just nothingness for ever? Mark Twain said it best when he stated, "I do not fear death, in view of the fact that I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it." I couldn't say it better if I tried. The great thing about this revelation is when you realize this is the only life you have you appreciate it more, you don't take things for granted as often. I saw a quote a while back that said, "I would love to believe that when I die I will live again, that some thinking, feeling, remembering part of me will continue. But much as I want to believe that, and despite the ancient and worldwide cultural traditions that assert an afterlife, I know of nothing to suggest that it is more than wishful thinking. The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there's little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides." One of the things that bothered me when I was christian is the concept of eternity, and the question "What about after that?" When I would listen to people talk about what you do for eternity I would always ask "What about after that?" No matter what you do you will have infinite time and not an infinite amount of things to do. So where is the joy in doing the same thing for eternity? I think this life holds more joy and entertainment then an eternal life, if only because you have more things to do than time you have. That is one of the many beauties of life to me.

One of the problems with Atheism is that people think you have no morals if you have no god. How would you know right from wrong if a Devinne source didn't guide us? Morality is not exclusively religious. Atheists simply decide what we think is right and wrong based on our experiences, and in that way our convictions are often stronger than those of religious people. We have thought about WHY we do or don't do things, we don't just follow what we are told because that's what we were told? Why is drinking coffee, tea, or having a glass of wine with dinner morally wrong? Why cant two people in a steady relationship express their love for one another physically? We don't need religion to tell us not to hurt other people, or to treat other people with kindness. There are many Atheist organizations that help their community by feeding the homeless, fixing peoples houses or even just picking up a stretch of highway. They don't do it for some eternal reward, they do it because it is the right thing to do. The point of this is not to attack religious people, the point is to show that just because someone doesn't believe in god doesn't make them a lesser person or something to be scared of. Christians in America often accuse Atheists of wanting to destroy the faith of others. Atheists don't care what you do in your home, or in your churches, we just don't like being forced to participate in other people's religious beliefs. We've had the 10 commandments put in our courthouses, "In God we trust" put on our money, The saying "under god" was added to the pledge of allegiance in 1954. We have our tax money going to christian organizations and yet the churches them selves pay no taxes. We are forced to teach religious doctrine in our science classes and our rights are often trampled by religious groups. We simply ask for the same religious tolerances that religions ask for everyday. This last September the pope claimed that Atheists are responsible for the Holocaust and for the rise of Nazi Germany. He suggested that because the Germans were trying to take god out of their country the country became lost. Now this sounds great as a sound bite and it portrays Atheists as evil, but then the facts show that Hitler was a devout Roman Catholic, The catholic leader of Germany said it was "Devinne Providence" that Hitler was saved from an assassination attempt and after Germany was invaded the catholic church helped sneak high ranking Nazi's out of Germany. In short Atheist don't attack Religious people, we share facts and scientific finds. Atheists are one of the most discriminated against groups in the world. I was kicked out of a house and asked not to come back after I shared my religious views, I have also been physically threatened for being an Atheist, I believe the exact phrase was, "I should punch you in the face, my pastor would be proud of me if I punched out an Atheist."








I don't believe that religious people are lying when they say they believe in their religion. I think that most of the time people honestly believe in their church, but as John F Kennedy said, "The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic. Belief in myths allows the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." After Reading the Book of Mormon, the Bible and the Qur'an I couldn't find truth. I read Christian books, Mormon books, Buddhist books and the opposing view points to those books. I studied for years and spent many hours in thought and meditation and prayer, pondering my spirituality and my beliefs. In all my searching I found that nothing explains the world or the universe better than science. Science fills my mind with wonder and lets me stand in amazement of reality. I don't need to ask the question "would you die for your religion," because as an Atheist my beliefs are not that irrational. Nor would my beliefs ask me to hide or ignore facts or history. My beliefs don't require me to give my money to be "faithful" to them, or lie to my future children. "In the history of the world, nothing has been the catalyst of more grief, hatred, war, and crime than religion. Religion allows a person to hate, kill, torture, or steal, while allowing him to recuse himself of all blame. Religion causes people to break the laws of ethics and morality in the name of a god. Religion dulls the mind and weakens the senses. It makes "God did it" seem like a reasonable answer to anything at all, squelching questions of why, and how, and when, and replacing these questions with repeated mantras and prayers to nobody." -AmericanAtheists.com

May your life be blessed by the Atheists that you do and even don't know. The ones who invented medicine, or medical procedures that cured you, or someone in your family. The one who wrote the science book for your class. The Atheist who developed your favorite website or even the one who made your lunch. You would be surprised how many of us there are (8%-10% of the world population). We all enjoy the advances that science gives us, but we rarely think of the reason why science has come so far. Its because science questions everything, including it's self. I feel that's how we should all live life, questioning, prodding and constantly searching for truth, in the world and inside our selves.

Thank you for reading.
Scott Peterson.

Blood is thicker than water, coffee is thicker than blood.

Sitting at IHOP with my three best friends on a Saturday night, enjoying our endless coffee and a mountain of pancakes, we were laughing at jokes and whispering the dirty ones. We talked about girls, the way they walk, the way they talk, that sexy way a girl bites her bottom lip when she gets excited. Most of all this group of 19-21 year old boys just sits and enjoys the company of each other, bullshitting and drinking coffee, just like old men do. All of us were either loosely Mormon or had all but left the church, I was the latter. This last semester at college I did a research essay on the Book of Abraham, the last book in the book of Mormon combo set, its right after the Book of Mormon and Doctor and covenants called the "Pearl of great price." I once was told "the quickest way to destroy your faith is to study history," and it did. I lost my faith researching the L.D.S. church. The only problem with leaving the Mormon church was all of my family was still Mormon. Not just my Mom, Dad and brothers, but my ENTIRE family, cousins second cousins and so on, except for my cousin Amoray and I didn't see her much, but I always loved playing chess with her even though I could never beat her, even though she was three years my younger.
I took a long sip of my coffee that, to some, would have had to much cream and sugar, but that's the way I like it. I cringed when a familiar voice said, "hey Scott, what are you doing here?" It's hard not to recognise your brothers voice, it's even harder not to feel awkward when your return missionary brother shows up when your drinking coffee and hanging out with your non-Mormon friends.
"O' just grabbing some late late dinner, and killing time. What 'bout you?"
noticing my coffee the conversation became uncomfortable, "same thing... Is that coffee?"
"Yep."
"Okay, I'll talk to you later."

My brother walked back to a corner booth where a few friends waited with an assortment of cokes, sprites, waters and hot chocolates. I felt it was time to go. My friends and I paid our tabs and took off, not caring or knowing where we would go. We ended up at Kenneth's house, having a couple beers and watching "The Goonies" on his basement T.V.

Most of my extended family was in town the following week, my 8 year old cousin was getting baptized on Monday then Thanksgiving was Thursday and a family brunch Friday morning. Even though I didn't believe in the church it was still expected of me to attend the baptism of my cousin, so I did. I watched the baptism and though "poor kid, doesn't know what she's getting into. How can you choose a religion for the rest of your life at age 8? I couldn't decide my favorite cereal at 8, how can you pick your God at 8?" I kept my mouth shut and watched. After the ceremony was over and family was just chit-chatting I walked around looking for someone to talk to, about anything other than religion. Its not that I don't like my relatives, or that we don't get along. I like all of my cousins, a lot, I just didn't want to talk about God or the baptism.
I found my cousin Amoray sitting by a piano looking bored. I struck up a conversation talking about school, the weather, the Thanksgiving party in three days, anything to keep from remembering I was at a baptism for a religion I felt had lied to me. Eventually I told her about my brother coming into IHOP and seeing me drink coffee, she laughed, "if that's the worst thing you're doing I think your brother should relax." We laughed. Soon after that my 8 year old cousin and her father came back into the room for the family to congratulate her on being baptized and becoming a "new" member of the church. Thankfully I was able to go home shortly after.

Strangely, my brother never brought up me drinking coffee like I thought he would. I think its because he knew I didn't go to church anymore and he didn't want to discuss why. Mormons are a funny group, they pride them selves on education and higher learning, they even have their own college, BYU, but they also pride them selves on believing in impossible things. They refuse to look at evidence that Joseph smith was a lying son of a bitch, but at the same time have an amazing record keeping system for family history and tell all the members to keep journals for posterity's sake. There are a thousand ways to disprove the LDS church, and yet they take pride in their faith of it.

The week few by and the next thing I know I headed to my aunt Marti's house to have Thanksgiving dinner with almost all of my extended family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles cousins, my cousin's kids, all sitting around 4 large tables filled with turkey, stuffing, candy'd yams, and my favorite, pumpkin pie. I talked to my cousins sitting next to me, Trenton, Michael, their younger brother Ethan, Amoray and Nathan. We all stuffed our faces with the amazing food. There are two things the Speakmans know how to do, build and cook.

After we had eaten more food than we thought possible, everyone spread out across the house finding every couch, chair or bed available to sit on, finding anything comfortable where they plop down and not move until they were ready to go home that night. I found my self in my cousin Amoray's room along with my 15 year old cousin Ethan. Amoray and I talked for a while about religion, she was an atheist and I was trying to find a religion I could believe in. I shared a story about my friend dying three months back and how angry I was at God, yelling and screaming "FUCK YOU GOD!" as I drove down the highway. I told her how I hated god for a while, then I let it go. I started going to the bible church and I was feeling better about religion. All my cousin Ethan heard was the "fuck you god."

The next morning was the Friday brunch at my aunt Lori and uncle Lindon's house, where all the family's got together before everyone headed back home. I got there a few minutes early, I liked my aunt Lori a lot. When I was 13 they let me move in with them when I was having problems with school. I moved three states away from my mom and dad and spent six months living with my cousins as part of the family, except my uncle Lindon, he never really liked me, he never likes anyone. He is a cold calculating person who believes fear is the best way to make people listen to you. Other than him, living with my cousins was a great experience, and I learned a lot from it. Then a couple years later they moved down to Utah and I was so excited to have them live in the same state as me.
When I walked in I smelled pancakes or waffles cooking in the kitchen and headed up stairs to see my cousins. We joked and played for a little while throwing a foot ball back and forth across Michael's room when Lindon came in and said, "Scott can I talk to you?"
"This cant be good," I thought as I followed him in to the master bed room.
We sat down on the bed and he said, "Scott I know your going through some rough times, but there are some things I need to talk to you about."
"rough times" I thought, My grandpa died, my friend jumped out of a truck and died and I lost my religion in the last six months I call that a fucked up year.
"At Thanksgiving I saw Ethan come out from Amoray's room, and he had darkness in his eyes and told me all about how you were proud you cussed God out." I tried to tell him about the whole story but he didn't want to hear it.
"Scott you know the church is true. You've known it your whole life. Now if your going to turn your back on it that's your choice. Kalie told me she over heard you are drinking coffee and think its funny that you got caught."
"I never said I thought it was funny, and your daughter eves dropping on a Private conversation is not my fault."
"Scott one day you'll come back to the church and understand what your doing"
"Well Lindon, maybe one day I will. I don't know the future, I COULD be wrong about the church." Never to miss a moment he jumped on the maybe, "See you know the church is true!"
"Scott," he leaned in like he cares about me, "we need to protect our children from evils of the world, Lori and I feel like we need to protect our children from you."
All I can say is "okay?" I'm shocked not knowing how to feel.
"We don't want you coming around, we think your a bad influence on our kids, and we want you to leave."
"okay" I said holding back my rage, my sorrow, my pain.
I walked down the stairs where my mom is sitting in the front room, obviously unaware of the pre-planned conversation.
I walk up to my mom and whisper in her ear "your sister and her husband just kicked me out of their house." she looked at me confused like she had miss heard me, "what?" I repeated what I had said and walked out the front door and got in my car, leaving my mother dumbfounded.
I almost made it half way home before I started balling like a little kid who was just beat up by the school bully. I thought "this is what looking for your faith gets you?"

I know there are only 2 or 3

I know there are only 2 or 3 people that read my blog. I know it has not inspired anyone to change their life or even their point of view, but I still think that this blog has some value to it if only to me. I like having a place to share my feelings, thoughts, view points and not feel like i need to censor my self to keep from offending anyone. If you read my blog it's your own damn fault, I didn't make you open this page or spout off my ideas in a crowded room, you entered freely.
So to those of you who read this endless ramble that is my blog, thank you, and for those who read it and then get upset about the content, your an idiot.

Sincerely,
Scott

Choices

I've been reflecting today on the choices that people make in life and how they effect them later on. In particular I've been thinking about a friend of mine that I spent most of high school and college with. you could say that he was the reason I left the church but in a good way, he challenged my thinking and made me research topics that we would discuss, and I'm certain that I did the same to him. We discussed everything and often had heated debates on topics like religion, politics, ethics and life. He was my best friend for almost 8 years. Now here is where life choices come in to play. Our second year of college he started smoking pot, I didn't. He made really bad financial decisions, buying a car, motorcycle, big T.V., and furniture all on credit, I didn't. He moved to Arizona and got an apartment with an emotionally disturbed girl he had only been dating for a month, and two pot head roommates. obviously I didn't. After he moved to Arizona he would call me and tell me how bad things always sucked, then he would call me stoned out of his mind and try to tell me how great pot was, then he would call back and say how bad his life was when he sobered up. After a while he stopped calling, I didn't hear from him for about 6 months. He calls me one day and says he's going back to church. He connected his crappy life to not going to church, not to the fact that he had made huge financial and life style mistakes. Its so much easier to blame Satan for the problems in our life than it is to face the fact that we made bad choices. I miss having him as a friend, I feel like the only time I hear from him is when something traumatic happens in his life, and he calls me because I'm the only friend he has that really knows him because he hides parts of himself to fit in with the "young singles" group he hangs out with now. When I try to talk to him other then when he's having issues I feel like he is trying to convert me back to being L.D.S. to justify him doing it (something he's done with other things like leaving the church, drinking, moving to Arizona or smoking pot). I miss my logical, good humored friend. It's funny how choices in life lead us to very different places.

Porn!!

I know that there are some topics that often make us uncomfortable, but guess what it was in the news so I'm going to discuss the topic. Porn, lets get something out there, ALL MEN AND MOST WOMEN HAVE LOOKED AT PORN! To back this up, the University of Montreal tried to do a study of the effects of looking at porn comparing men who had and had not looked at porn, only problem is they couldn't find a man who had never looked at porn. If that makes you think that only men look at porn your wrong, the majority of women also watch porn. If I wasn't typing this on a work computer I would tell you an exact number but I don't want to Google "women looking at porn" on a work computer, it would be the last thing I did before I got fired.

So lets look at the story on ksl. First, the person they interviewed for the story is Dr. Reid, the clinical director at the Provo counseling center. (and there is no bias against porn in Utah county)

The article says

"It's devastating for a lot of marriages," describes Reid. "It's not just the pornography, it's not just that my significant other or spouse were going outside of the marriage to have their sexual needs met, but there are so many other components. Women, for example, feeling 'I can't compete with this pornography, I can't be all of that.' And then they start to have difficulties with self esteem. But there is also this notion of the secrecy and the lies and the deceit around the behavior itself. And you would be surprised, many women will say that the lies and the secrecy and the deception around the behavior is just as disturbing as the behavior itself."

First porn is not going out side your marriage, having sex with another person is going out side the marriage. Which they bring up later in the article with a man who almost broke up his marriage because of his addiction to porn..... AND AFFAIRS!! Looking at porn is no even on the same field as cheating. Second women seeing porn doesn't lower self esteem, they lower their self esteem. Only you can decide how you feel about your self, external forces only magnify the insecurities we have. Third the end of this paragraph says that they find the lying and secrecy as disturbing as the act it's self. Well if it wasn't such a taboo it wouldn't be hidden, Utah consumes more Internet pornography than any other state per capita, yet it is rarely brought up in conversations because the majority of people feel ashamed by it.

I find it funny that they don't bring up may doctors and scientists who say that it is medically beneficial to masturbate (for men AND women) and that looking at porn causes no mental problems.

This whole article was written for a group called "Out in the Light: Women Uniting Against Pornography." It is only disclosed later in the article that,

"‘Out in the Light' is a multifaceted, all out blitz on behalf of Deseret Media Companies to use every resource available -- ksl.com, KSL-TV, KSL Newsradio, Deseret Book and the Deseret News -- to bring this issue out in the light.

This campaign is funded and pushed by the very paper publishing the article! There is no conflict of interest there! Lets be honest, looking at porn doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you normal, and it's organizations like this that try to lower YOUR self esteem by making you feel bad about your self for doing something the majority of the population does.

What I do in my home is my business, not anyone Else's. this should be a decision between a husband and wife, if they decide that occasional porn watching is okay then that's their choice, just like if they want to use whips, chains and handcuffs in the bedroom. Just because it's not what you or I would do doesn't make it wrong, just different. so the moral of this post is quit trying to tell people what THEIR morals SHOULD BE and focus on your own life.

Mark Hofmann

How can someone read about the life of Mark Hofmann and not have some serious questions? I had never heard of him until I read a story on ksl.com. He sold dozens of forged documents to the LDS church that cast them in a negative light so the church bought and buried those documents.

According to Allan D. Roberts who wrote "The Truth is the Most Important Thing: A Look at Mark W. Hofmann, the Mormon Salamander Man" which was cited on wikipedia.com "In 1983, Hofmann bypassed the Historical Department and sold to Gordon B. Hinckley, a member of the First Presidency and the de facto head of the Church, an 1825 Joseph Smith holograph purporting to confirm that Smith had been treasure hunting and practicing black magic five years after his First Vision. Hofmann had the signature authenticated by Charles Hamilton, the contemporary "dean of American autograph dealers," sold the letter to the Church for $15,000, and gave his word that no one else had a copy. Then Hofmann leaked its existence to the press, after which the church was virtually forced to release the letter to scholars for study, despite previously denying it had it in its possession."
So The Church of Jesus Christ lied. No if and's or but's, It lied saying it didn't have a document that it had. Why would it surprise anyone if they would lie about many other things?

This is just one of many examples of things Mark Hofmann sold to the church. Please take the time to read about it, it will blow your mind. Mark Hofmann in my opinion has done more to prove the church untrue than any other person or thing, next to the church its self. I know that's harsh but that's how I feel.

Ground zero mosque

If you are against the "Ground zero Mosque" let me explain why you are wrong using the most common arguments against it.
1. "It's being built on ground zero."
Wrong, it's being built 2 blocks away from ground zero. That's like saying that the bar, "Keys on main" is built on temple square.
2. If we let them build it on ground zero then "they've" won.
No, if we don't let them build it "they" have won. If we destroy the first amendment to stop a community center/religious center from being built then they win hands down, they didn't destroy a building they brought down our constitution. Also the people who are building this are just as responsible for the terrorist attacks as you are for the christian crusades, the Indians slaughtered by the Mormons or the mosques shot up in Iraq.
3. We don't care if they build it, just not there.
There have been many other mosques that have been blocked from being built all over the country because people don't want them in their area. this is religious persecution at its best. If you want to practice your religion you cant stop others from practicing theirs.

If you have any other arguments let me know and I'll answer them honestly, and honestly I think this issue is stupid.

Birthday!

This weekend was my birthday and I really enjoyed it! all the money I got this weekend (and a large contribution from my wife) allowed me to buy a brand new T.V. for the first time in my life, no joke, I've always had hand me down T.V.'s. I still don't have it hooked up to cable or even local channels, but its great in our room for movies. I really want to buy a blue-ray player to go with it because it's an HDTV and I can already tell a difference in the quality of the picture.
I don't like watching T.V. a lot, but I am a movie buff. I don't watch shows until after they have gone off the air.I hate waiting for new seasons and show that take 7,8,910 seasons to get to the end. I think MOST shows should only run to 5 seasons at the most. The reason I say most is that shows like mythbusters, or Penn and tellers Bullshit don't have a story line or plot to follow, so you can jump in any time and not be in the dark. Also you can watch one episode and not have a cliff hanger at the end forcing you to watch another week if the show starts to suck, like lost, CSI or a thousand other shows. The other problem I have with T.V. is the time consumption. I have a couple of friends that I will invite them to go do something and they will decline saying "the show ____ is on tonight." I understand relaxing and zoning out for a little while, but when it is your daily routine to watch 3 hours of T.V. a day you have a problem. So to make a long story short I only hook up DVD players to my T.V. to avoid getting sucked into watching shows that add nothing to my life. I do how ever miss shows from discovery channel, animal channel and some other non-drama shows.
Thanks for the T.V. everyone who gave me money for my birthday, I really enjoyed watching irobot on it this morning as I cleaned my bedroom.

Okay, I'm done.

I've tried to be a logical rational person when explaining my religious views. Now I'm just going to point out the problems in other peoples views. it's a lot easier to poke holes or attack other peoples beliefs than come to your own. so I'm taking a page from religious peoples book and returning the favor with this. The bible debunked.

I don't say this enough!

I have the most amazing wife in the world! She is the thing that keeps me going, she makes me so so happy.

Gay marriage

With gay marriage so heavily in the news lately I felt like sharing my opinion. Let me be open and honest about my feelings regarding gay marriage. The government (or it's people) have no right to tell people what they can and can't do in their own bedroom, and who they can and cant have sex with. That is what gay marriage is all about, telling people what they can and cant do. I will show you legally why I think gay marriage is okay, then morally why it should be okay.

Legally: Gay marriage is a moral or "religious" issue. Religion MUST be separated from government. As long as the GOVERNMENT issues marriage licences they can not discriminate based on sexual preference. Now if licences were not required by the GOVERNMENT, and CHURCHES were responsible for deciding who they would and wouldn't marry then this would be a non-issue. but as long as the GOVERNMENT issues licences to be married, RELIGION can not dictate who can get married OUT SIDE of their church. That's like catholics telling Mormons they cant baptize people because they aren't a real church, gay couples are just that, COUPLES, like you and your wife, or me and mine.

Morally: This is a touchy subject to religious folk, mostly because homosexuality is a sin, but if it's such a HUGE sin why did Jesus never once talk about it in the bible? The truth is that the bible does say that it's a sin to lay with another man. How ever the bible also says that it's okay to rape a virgin as long as you pay her father and then marry her after you rape her (because I'd want to marry the man who raped me). The bible also says that you can beat your children to death if they are disobedient, and many many other morally objectionable things, so I don't use the bible as a moral compass. People are scared of the unknown, and how one man could let another man have sex with him is beyond me. I have never looked at another man and thought "I could tap that..." Which tells me homosexuality is not a choice. Why would someone choose a life of segregation, precaution and struggles for the fun of fooling around with someone of the same sex? couldn't they just fool around with someone who is the opposite gender then them? NO! for the same reason I couldn't have sex with a man they cant, They are not attracted to people of the opposite sex.

"Think of the children!":
As for the people who say "If they get to marry they can adopt kids." or "children need a mom and dad." Well plain and simple screw you! more that 50% of marriages end in divorce, where the children no longer have a "mom and dad" in the same home. Marriage is the unspoken joke in Christianity, religious people have screwed up marriage so badly that it is worthless anyway, let the homo's have it, your sure not taking it seriously. Besides homosexuality and pedophilia are two completely different things. One is two consenting adults having sex, the other is a adult praying on the innocence and gullibility of young children.
Another argument is that if children are raised in a home with homo parents that they will turn out gay. That could not be further than the truth. Studies show that children raised by same sex couples are no more likely to be gay than any other children.

In short there is no logical reason that gay people shouldn't be allowed the same things straight people should. It's out of fear, religious hatred and irrational feelings that we continue to persecute people who are different.

Religious Posts

I know that I put up a lot of post about religion, particularly the L.D.S. church, but it's for good reason. I am surrounded by it on a daily basis and it effects every part of my life. My family is all L.D.S., my coworkers are all L.D.S., most of my neighbors are L.D.S. and the majority of the people in my state are L.D.S. and finally the rest of them are mostly Christians. So needless to say religion comes up quite often no matter how hard I try to avoid discussing it with people. Its ironic that if someone challenges my beliefs they are trying to save me, but if I challenge theirs I'm tearing them down or I'm anti-whatever. its the biggest double standard I have ever seen.
This last Friday I was at my grandpa's house helping trim some trees and enjoying being with my brothers and father. At lunch time my grandpa asked me to say the prayer. normally I would have said no thank you and asked if someone else would like to, but I felt he did it to start a group "lets save Scott's soul" conversation. So I just sucked it up and said the prayer. I felt like such crap for cowering to another persons religious beliefs I had to write apology letters to both my brothers explain why I had made my self a hypocrite. Why don't people accept that you can be a great person with out religion? When asked what he believed, Abraham Lincoln said, "When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion."
Lets just live and let live people!

A Witness to the Divine Authenticity of the Book of Mormon

I read this today, it was a good publication by David Whitmer, one of the 3 witnesses of the book of Mormon, it was published in 1987. He talks about how although he disagrees with the L.D.S. church on somethings that they were practicing at the time, like polygamy, he still believed in the divine nature of the book of Mormon. It was interesting that it could be taken as pro or anti Mormon at the same time. Thanks for sending it to me JR.

http://www.greaterthings.com/Topical/DavidWhitmer.htm

By David Whitmer

Drunks

There are people who drink and people who get drunk. Drinking is not an evil of the world in my mind, there are many people who drink on a semi regular basis that rarely if ever get drunk. One glass of wine, a beer or two, a margarita or a mixed drink after a rough day or when relaxing is not immoral in my book. That being said, I have become more and more disgusted with people who drink fast and heavy so they can get drunk fast. It turns people I respect into people who should be arrested for being drunk and disorderly.

I'm getting tired of the immature mindset of binge drinking and acting stupid for a good time.
In short I think I'm going to excuse myself from situations where I know the majority of people will be getting drunk because it's just not fun for me anymore.

I wish I could

Let me start by being 100% honest to you and my self, I wish I could believe in standard idea of "God". I have often heard it said that people don't believe in God out of convenience or to make their life easier. Now for my second piece of honesty if you think that not believing in a Christian God is convenient or easy your a IDIOT! It makes life harder, it makes relationships with religious people harder, it makes connecting with people on a personal level harder. If I could accept religion at face value it would make my life much, much easier.

II Book of Scott

While I was at college I wrote a letter to my friend Alishia. I decided to write it in Book of Mormon/Bible style and thought it was funny at the time. It turned in to us writing back and forth this way for quite a while. At the time it was a great way to pass the time and always brought a smile to my face. This past week I was feeling like crap, not wanting to do much. Alishia sent me a few of the letters I sent her that she has kept 5+ years. It made my week. Here are the letters she sent me back that I sent her in 2004 (when I was still going to church).

Letter #1
II Book of Scott
Chapter 1

1.And it came to pass I did find my self with a lack of education,
and behold my family urged me to receive that which I had not received.

2.And it came to pass that I did move unto the land of Ephraim,
a land stinky above all others because of the many turkey farms among all the land,
and found a place of dwelling known to this people as Cami’s Cottage.

3.Thus concluding the eighth month of the fourth year.

4.and it came to pass I did find people of kindness and love, and it came to
pass I found the past times of these people different then the past times of
my people the salt lake cityites, causing me much joy to find those skilled
in the arts of fishing and hunting having little money to extensively do
either I make do with the resources I had saved in the earlier years.

5.Now behold, I have joined a club, a club chosen above all other
organizations, known to this people as archery club, and it came to pass I
saw that it was good. And behold, I found threw a test of man I can out
shoot the president of this club, making the people stare in unbelief.

6.Now behold, as the blessing of my father came upon me. I found food in the
market, and with his blessings (his money) I hungered no more, and their was
much rejoicing in the house of Scott and mine brother, Neil, who lives with
me.

7.Now behold. We go to class with vigor and strength being faithful unto the
words of the lord. Behold, I labor hard in the fields of schooling namely
political science, psychology, and English, a class known as difficult among
this land. Yet I learn the arts of life threw the trials and tribulations I
have received, and will yet to receive.

8.Knowing that threw my heavenly father all things are possible I go threw
my many trials I must endure.

9.mine chariot hath started to break causing me to be prayerful because of
the lack of funds that I have received since my time upon this land to be
able to fix my transportation.

10.and it came to pass I did frequent my land of child hood, the land of the
fast paced people, many times to enjoy the company of my friends, a group
loved above all other, which has thinned with age, many with bride or
husband also many in the lords work.

11.But now behold Alishia, princess of the draperites, did agree to come
down to the land of Ephraim. And there was much rejoicing in the land. For I
have longed to see my old friend, whom as been a true friend for more then a
decade.

12.Now behold I do seal up this computer and wish thee the best of luck and
happiness.

13.Thus ending the ninth month of the fourth year in which the people
rejoiced for there blessings.

Letter #2

II Book of Scott
Chapter3
1. And it came to pass I did travel unto the land of SLC to hear the words of the great prophet Gorden b. Hinckly and it came to pass he did speak many great words unto the people.
2. And it came to pass I did go unto the distant land to see the princes of bluffdaleites and retrieved my weapon of war, and to enjoy a ride on a two wheeled chariot.
3. And it came to pass I did return to the stinky land of Ephraim on the seventh day of the week with much haste to destroy mine enemy, home work.
4. Now behold I do send this epistle to the princes Alishia to inquire unto her traveling to this the turkey land, do thee still plan on coming unto this land? And if thou sill are on what day and with whom will thou travel?
5. Now behold I did miss all mine classes on this day for one teacher did cancel his class and I did not feel like attending the other so I did nothing all of this the 5th day of October.
6. Now behold I do dread the reality that the terms of mid draw near I tremble to think of the out come of this test. But behold I will do my best in all things.
7. And behold I do have joy for archery club doth meet tonight and I once again will have a way to relax.
8. Now as I think I have not much to say in this the first week of the tenth month so I do bid thee fair well

Letter #3
II book of Scott
Chapter 5

1.And now behold I do write unto Alishia princess of the Bluffdalites,
concerning the things of my mind, a lonely place of confusion, the stinky
land doth require much in these the midterm days.

2.Now behold I do join study groups and do retire early to my room to read
and write the language of this land. And now behold I do work hard in the
fields of schooling, but will in the end be blessed for my trials.

3.Concerning the traveling of this people, I Scott, king of the stinky land
might travel unto the land of the salty lake, Dustin, the village idiot, is
going to travel for sure unto the land of sandy home of the great Mayan,
food source for many large in stature, Neil, the stinky lands chariot fixer
is also traveling unto the salty lands.

4.Now behold I do ask of the fair princess concerning my traveling, if I
should come unto her or if she shall travel unto to this land?

5.For behold I am conflicted upon this matter for it matter little unto me,
the great king for the stinky land, for I can choose not one friend over
another (o wait I can, ok Alishia, that was easy) so I will go and do the
things my friend commands.

6.And it came to pass that I do have a great head ache and I lack the tylo
of nol and there is much suffering in the land.

7.And it came to pass my day did fly on the back of a privet bird with my
teacher of the home from the land northward and came to lunch. Now behold he did
travel again unto this land with my uncle this day and brought me an extra
key for I did lock my set in my chariot. And we did rejoice in the food he
did provide form the land of china (a Chinese place down here).

8.Now I do send this letter with the hope of a return epistle, I send my
best wishes also.

Letter #4
II book of scott
ch. 6

1. Now behold Scott did want to inquire of the queen of the Bluffdalites,
who had expanded her kingdom to the north, and had subdued the evil unto
45th south. Now behold Scott did wonder about the life of the queen and the
lack of letters there of.

2. And it came to pass that I did recommence the writings that the darkness
of the land would cease, and the happiness would come again. And the letter
went.

3. Alishia, queen of the Bluffdalites, it has been a cold month in the land
stinky above all others, even colder without your writings. Nay it has been
a trying week in this land; the village idiot has become a thorn in my side.
Behold his laziness exceeds all others.

4. Now behold I did ponder on killing such boy but did not find it to be the
lords way. And it came to pass that I did leave my dwelling and went to the
club above all other clubs and had joy above all else.

5. And behold I say unto you there is nothing greater than shooting. And I
do testify to its purity.

6. And it came to pass I did return to my dwelling were I slept a deep sleep
in to the next after noon. And behold I had a dream in with I was helping my
fellow man, giving food and aid to those greatly harmed by a strong wing in
a land faraway.

7. Queen I do bid thee fair well, I must return to the place of learning
that I might rule the world with intelligence, and not fear. So hearken to
my words and remember not the things of negativity and cling unto the
things of happiness and joy, nay all things that are good. I do bid thee
well in all times. May god be with you till we meet again, amen.

My thoughts at lunch.

I need to get away from here.
I need to cleans my self of this mundane existence.
I not fighting to become great,
I'm clawing to be little more then non existent.
I look at the people around me,
I don't think I better then them, I think I'm greater!
I'm capable of so much more.
I could lead, I could inspire or I could pass by unnoticed.
I'm a giant, but still a child.
I am unstoppable, yet standing still.
I am what I wish to be.
I am what I fear the most.

I've never needed to dive naked.

This Saturday we went swimming around 6sh at the pool by our house. We were all having a good time splashing around and acting childish when we see a woman walk past us wearing nothing but soaking wet garments (Mormon underwear).

At first we didn't know what to say or think. Here is a grown woman 30-35 wearing see through clothing. As she stopped by a group of tables a manager and security guard come out and talk to the life guard that made her get out of the pool. Without warning this woman takes off the last layer of clothing she was wearing and runs for the pool! The security guard played lineman and blocked her attempted escape to the water filled with awe struck people.
After a moment of wrestling the naked woman the guard got her inside the building. we laughed and joke about what had just happened for a little while, joking with pool staff as they walked by. finally the mangier reappeared and walked with a trash bag to the top diving platform and started picking up the woman cloths, and that's when we put it all together.
This woman walked up three flights of stairs fully clothed, stripped to her religious underwear and jumped off a 15 meter diving platform! Then was kicked out of the pool and decided to strip naked. I have never had a day that bad! so my question is what would make a person go that crazy at a public pool?

P.S. no matter what you do, you will never party as hard as that chick!

The start of a new week

In life there are certain things we come to expect and because we expect those things to happen we become devastated when they don't. I'm struggling this month with my parents inevitable divorce. As a child you just expect your parents to stay together forever, and why shouldn't you, that's how marriage has worked the last 3000 years for the most part. It's only in the last couple generations that divorce is as common as staying married, and it's starting to become more common than lasting marriage. It's surprising how much your parents divorcing will effect you at 25. When I found out that they were separating I thought that as an adult it would be easy to accept it and move on, yet my emotions are getting the better of me. I'm feeling like a small child that is helpless to stop it and torn how to feel.

Yesterday I posted on my facebook account "helped my mom move out of my dad's house today, not the best way to start your week." My brother sent me a text and helped me realize that facebook is not the best place to share my feelings about my parents pending divorce, but since only 2 or 3 people read this retarded blog I feel like I can vent here and not feel like I'm airing out my families business like a Greek mother at a family reunion.

I now feel like the movie four Christmases. I now have four sets of people I need to see for the holidays. I now have four houses to go to so my kids can "see the grand parents." Although one of the things that bothers me the most is that out of my parents three sons, adopted daughter, and all four children in law, none of our parents are still married. So where is the focus on the family? Where are the roll models that we should follow of how a marriage works? Is it any surprise that more that 50% of marriages fail? Where do we look for strong marriage roll models? T.V., parents, friends, relatives? If another divorced Mormon talks to me about the importance of marriage or eternal families again I swear to their god I will punch them in the face!
I'm trying to be understanding and not let this affect my relationships with my parents but I have a lot of anger and hurt over the whole situation. Although the one good thing out of all of this is that when my wife or my brothers tell me to do something I can shout "leave me alone, I come from a broken home!"

The trailer project.

Over the last year I have needed a truck or trailer at least 10 times, and have had to barrow a truck/trailer from a family member or pay to have something hauled off. I would spend an hour getting and returning the truck to use it for 15 min. So I decided it was time to get a trailer, only problem is I don't own a truck. Now many people will make fun of me for this but I decided to put a hitch on my wife's car. Before you laugh let me explain. First I would have put it on my car but it has 162,000 miles on it and I expect it to die in the next 18 months, my wife's car has 50,000 on it and we are planning on having it for at least a few more years. second, IT"S FUNCTIONAL!! I understand that towing a trailer with a car is out side the normal, but the fact is that it works and I'm not towing a 21 foot trailer, I'm hauling light loads like bikes or camping gear on a small 4x8 trailer.
So my brother and I (mostly my brother) hooked the hitch mount to my wife's car in a couple hours, and the wiring should be fairly simple. The only problem now is I didn't have a trailer, so I went on the hunt. I looked a new trailers, used trailers and plans to build a trailer. but then I remembered the boat/boat trailer I gave my cousin last year.
A couple years ago my grandpa gave me an old boat and trailer that I was excited to fix, but I ran out of time and money to do it, so it sat in my dads back yard for a year. I offered it to my cousin and he was happy to have it. He had it for a few weeks and found that it wasn't water tight and that fixing it would cost more than the boat was worth, so he took the boat to the dump and kept the trailer for a future project.
After I talked my cousin out of the trailer I cut everything off that wasn't needed for a flat bed trailer, and designed how to make it something great. on Wednesday my brother Brian and I got out the welder and started modifying the trailer to work for my wife's car. I haven't welded in 6 years, but my welds didn't look half bad, even though I only welded about 1/4 of the trailer. The design of the trailer is the cool part, the front is tapered so it's harder to jack knife, and if you manage to jack knife it you hit a side of the trailer not a corner. we also made it a tilt deck so I could pull a 4 wheeler on it with out the use of ramps, or to make unloading other things a little simpler.
We are painting it tonight and hopefully testing it out tomorrow morning. I'll post pictures up after it is finished.

Moving forward yet standing still

I'm feeling stagnant, I'm going day to day yet I'm standing in the same place I was three years ago. I feel the need for change but I'm scared to make it. The other problem is that I don't know what to change or how to change it. I feel like I've been waiting for that "dare to be great" situation yet it has never come, or has passed me by.



I wonder if my "dare to be great" situation does arrive, if I will be able to rise to the challenge or if I will let it pass me by out of fear or laziness.

We can only accomplish great things if we believe we are capable of achieving them.

The job of my guns

As I talked about the different purposes of my guns with a friend, (shotguns for clay pigeons, pistols for concealed carry, rifles for target practice, etc..) My friend reminded my that my guns are all made to:

1. Defending my life.
2. Defending my personal freedoms from my government.
3. Defending my country
4. For sporting purposes. (if the first 3 are secure)

I thought this was a cool thought process that I will adopt when talking about firearms.

why

I think that we don't ask this question enough because as children we are taught not to ask why. We should question everything, even those things we hold most dear. If we don't continually question ourselves and those around us we can not progress as a people.

Arguing with myself

Last night I laid out on my front lawn and let my mind wander to where ever it wanted. After thinking about my sprinkling system and if it was turned on or off and after I thought about work and everyday problems my mind settled on morality. What makes up morality? Who decides what is considered moral, and is morality only a human concern as Albert Einstein hypothesised?
Moral universalism says that morality is universal and that it applies to every person, no matter culture, race, sex, religion, nationality, sexuality, or any other distinguishing feature. Almost everyone will agree that killing some one else is wrong, that's moral universalism. What bout cultures that practiced human sacrifice? How about modern countries that have committed mass genocide? We as a culture condemn killing other people but other places thought it was completely normal. So if something as big as killing people is up for a moral debate how can we possibly decide what is moral and immoral when it comes to dating, life style choices, and so on. Just because you think something is wrong doesn't make it so, others might think it's totally okay.

Mountain Climbing

A man was climbing up a mountain, sadly he fell and broke almost every bone in his body. He was so determined to get up that mountain that he had a friend lower a rope down to him and he held on to the rope with his teeth, when they were near the top one of the men who was pulling the man up called down are you okay? The man answered yesssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wake me up when May ends.

I'm having a rough time expressing how I feel through words today. I feel like a cave man wanting to hit things to show his frustration, or a infant screaming for no apparent reason other than just wanting to scream. The worst part of feeling like a failure is knowing you can do better but being to depressed to do anything about it. I had to struggle to get to work today and I am forcing my self to write this just to see if it will help me gain a different point of view. I have been having a rough month and the future isn't looking brighter.
On second though I don't feel like writing anymore of this down.

Holi, the festival of colors

My wife wanted to go to a festival in Spanish fork this past weekend, I was reluctant to go but she convinced me and a group of friends to go. It's called The festival of colors. It's the festival the Hindu's have for a holiday called Holi, to celebrate diversity in life and the coming of spring. Even though I dragged my feet getting there I had an amazing time. We danced in the temple, played with friends, threw colored powder all over the place and danced in a crowed of over 5000 people, it was awesome.

After all was said and done we spent the next hour in the parking lot getting chalk off our faces and cloths. We laughed and joked the entire way home. I can't describe how much fun it was. I'm really looking forward to next year.

Kids do the darndest things.

On KSL.com today was the following story.

"A 14-year-old boy faces DUI charges. Orem police say they were first alerted Friday around 11:00 p.m. to a report of a vehicle hitting a fence and backing into another vehicle outside a mobile home park near 500 North and 1200 West. The car was gone when an officer arrived, but another report of a suspicious vehicle helped locate the car. Later officers caught up with the suspect's car, pulled it over and were shocked to find out the driver was only 14 years old. A 13-year-old female passenger was also inside the car. "When the officer went up to speak to him, he could smell alcohol," said Sgt. Craig Martinez. Martinez also says the car was stolen out of Salt Lake City. Martinez says the teen faces many charges including DUI and leaving the scene of an accident. He probably won't drive legally for awhile."

I'm sure there is plenty of blame to go around, bad parenting, living in the wrong place, bad schooling system, who cares who you blame it still comes down to a stupid 14 year old steeling a car, getting drunk and going for a joy ride. I'm not here to stifle the dreams of this young man wanting to become a life time criminal, but what the hell was he thinking? Obviously this kid isn't the brightest bulb in the box, but you don't need to be a genius to figure out that you don't jack a car get drunk and go driving. Yet another reason I don't want kids.

Reflections

Yesterday my good friends step father was killed in a car accident (For news story see: http://www.currentargus.com/ci_14516138 ). It's made me think about life and death and how life can flip upside down in just a moment. I've dealt with death before, but never as closely as a father, brother, or child passing away. I can't pretend to understand the pain it would cause to have my parents die, or one of my brothers be gone forever. Seeing death gives me a greater appreciation for life, I often forget just how fragile we are as humans. We make plans, we strive to complete our goals and we never realize how close we are every day to death. Some times it's a few inches, other times its a few seconds that separate life and death.
A poem that my grandpa had hanging in his office before he died, a poem that now hangs in my house that shapes my life is called "That man is a success." 

That Man is a Success
Who has lived well
laughed often and loved much;
Who has gained the respect
of intelligent men
and the love of children;

Who has filled his niche
and accomplished his task;

Who leaves the world better
than he found it,
whether by an improved poppy
or a perfect poem
or a rescued soul;

Who never lacked appreciation
of earth's beauty
or failed to express it;

Who looked for the best in others
and gave the best he had.

The songs that mean the most to me

I want to share a few songs with you and explain why they mean so much to me.

1. Plain white T's - 1,2,3,4
This song got popular around the time I asked my wife to marry me. Every time I hear it it reminds me of how much I love her and how I want her to be with me for the rest of my life.



2. Chuck Wicks - Stealing Cinderella
This song is another one that reminds me of my wife. When I hear it I think about my wife and the special woman that she is and how the only person that her dad will listen to is his daughter, my wife. She is truly is a princess, and I hope I never forget that.



3. Louis Armstrong - What a Wonderful World
This song is more about the video than the song. Louis Armstrong reminds me of my grandpa Speakman, and the lyrics are how he lived his life, full of joy and love. It makes me miss him, but also remember him.



4. Zac Brown Band - Chicken fried
Nothing describes how I feel about my friends and family like this song. I enjoy where I come from and the people I surround my self with. I happen to be very proud of the quality of people I spend my time with. We need to remember to enjoy the little things in life.



5. Zac Brown Band- Whatever It Is
Its fitting that I start and end with my amazing wife. The song says it all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RJrNnRpVHg

the struggle

In the last few weeks I've taken some hard hits to my ego and some harder hits to my wallet. I've been stressed out, knocked down and beat up emotionally. I deal with things using humor, but this month the humor is to close to the truth so it's not funny anymore. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, I'm trying to get my concealed carry classes going again, but I'm worried that wont be enough to make up the difference of the hours I just had cut at work. Its amazing how you don't understand the bad economy until it affects you in such a strong way.

The things we don't talk about.

We all have things in our lives that we don't talk about, awkward things that are uncomfortable to bring up, or hurtful memories. We all have those, things we wish we never did or facts we'd like left unsaid. We have these things in our self, in our family and in our state. Just for fun lets talk about the things we don't talk about in Utah.
first, Utah is the #1 user of anti depressants in the united states. Hell, we pop them like pez in Utah. Why is it that we are so depressed in Utah, how do you explain it. My thought is that Mormons in Utah are held to an impossible standard of morality, kindness and religious obligation. A standard that can rarely, if ever, be lived up to. When you feel like everyone else is living such a clean perfect life, you feel like a failure that you cant keep up with the Jones's. The other problem we have is we hide who we truly are from one another to keep from being judged, criticized, shunned or "disciplined." We start to live 2 lives, one you show to the world and one you only show your friends, and sometimes you show it no one at all. If you feel like you cant live up to your standards and you have things you are constantly trying to hide of course your going to be depressed! So do we need the pills? NO! just accept your limitations and don't lead a double life.
2nd suicide. Utah is #9 on suicide.org for suicides at 15.9 per 100,000 people.
3rd Internet porn. First I ask you, how is that not funny? We put our self's out there as the moral guides of America and yet we masturbate more than any other state! That is just funny shit! Ok, that said lets look at this from a few different angles. first is genetics. Many people from Utah come from polygamist family's. When the LDS church first started it practiced polygamy and what kind of men would leave their church up root their family's and face constant persecution? Religious fanatics, and perverts wanting to bang 7 girls at a time. So is there a genetic link why we are a horny state? Another point of view is that porn is a sin that leaves no mark. What I mean by that is with cigarettes you stink, with beer you are obviously drunk, with an affair there is a second person involved. With Internet porn you look at it, clean your history, and no one knows about it. So it's a sin that is hidden from the world. Lastly I think it could be a combination of getting away with something you know you shouldn't do, and like before there is not proof.

So my point is that if you are doing it, so are a lot of other people. Enjoy life and be good to other people, most importantly be yourself and don't let others dictate who you should be.

Better than therapy?

This last week has been a rough one and I've been having some major blues. This morning my cousin/best friend kirk, called me up and wanted to go shoot some .22's because the ammo is cheap and I have 3 types of them. At first the Idea of shooting was as appealing as peeing my pants and staying in them all day. Yet non the less I decided to go with him and his brother. We 4x4'd his car up a mountain road, set up some soda cans and had a blast. It's been almost 8 months since I've been shooting and I have forgotten how therapeutic it is to fire off a few hundred rounds. In the hour that we shot I worked out more emotional problems then a month of weekly counseling. I now remember why I shoot, and why I do archery, it's calming. It allows you to focus on one thing at a time and forget everything else. It allows your mind to sort and process everything. It is a meditation, much like floating in a pool is to me, with out the deep thought.
If you watch this clip it's the type of shooting I did for a couple years, when you are in a comp, and the buzzer goes off you forget everything in your life, you almost forget your name. It is the closest thing to feeling out of body I have ever had, you just act, there is no thinking.



So thank you Kirk, you gave me exactly what I needed today.

Life is a funny thing

Life in general is a crazy thing. We make plans, we work as hard as we can to get somewhere in life, then something comes along and throws us a completely different direction that we didn't expect. This week has been a trial on my mind and soul. I have been forced to search inward and look at my self and problems in my life as well as look at the things that matter most to me. I've found things that once mattered and guided my life have become just things, and things I saw as simple and common have become the keystones of my life.
This weekend I am selling another one of my guns (sold one 2 weeks ago). My firearm collection has been the pride and joy of my life since I bought my first gun. I literally saw them as my reason to work. I would work for money to buy and shoot guns, that was it. So why am i selling them? I want to be debt free and be able to live without the stress of owing people money. My wife and I are not starving or close to loosing our house, I just cant stand to owe people money, so I'm selling whatever I haven't used recently, that includes some of my guns. I'm also selling the weapons collection I've been working on since 12, sai's, staffs, knives, police batons and so on. It's been rough to see your favorite things become just things. disillusionment is a hard thing.
secondly I have had a shitty week at work. I feel underpaid and over worked, but that's how 90% of Americans feel so I'm not alone. I've just been stressed, and the fact that my eye has been twitching for the last 5 days hasn't helped much. not to mention the lack of good sleep. I have been having bad dreams and waking up 4-10 times a night.
As I said before though the little things I took as common have changed to the things I value most. On Wednesday I got some bad news, that I don't want to talk about here, and when I came home I felt like absolute shit. my dog without missing a thing came up to me and gently put his head on my lap. that night he curled up next to me and just stayed there until I fell asleep. It's amazing how animals can pick up feelings. I haven't wanted to talk about my feelings this week to anyone, but my dog has been the greatest comfort I have ever had in a time of need. I've never seen my wife as common but this week she has exceeded every expectation I've ever had. she has been the most loving kind person you could ever ask for. I love that woman. and lastly swimming. I've always loved water, I do my best thinking while just floating in a pool, but this Thursday my wife and I went to the pool and I was able to put my mind back together in the 90 min we were there, just relaxing in the deep end.
It's strange the importance we put on things and how we think that we control our lives. We have very little control, and nothing material matters. as I was floating in the pool Thursday I had the thought, "The things that matter most in your life will always change, so never hold to something so tightly that you are afraid to let it go. Life is simple, yet reason and logic cannot explain why things happen the way they happen, for people are not logical. So be like water, when it is in a river it is the river. when water is in a glass it becomes the glass. Be like water and flow in and out of where you are meant to be." It might not make sense but trust me it was profound to me at the time.

How I'm feeling tonight and one of my favorite poems

The Genius Of The Crowd
By Charles Bukowski.

there is enough treachery, hatred violence absurdity in the average
human being to supply any given army on any given day

and the best at murder are those who preach against it
and the best at hate are those who preach love
and the best at war finally are those who preach peace

those who preach god, need god
those who preach peace do not have peace
those who preach peace do not have love

beware the preachers
beware the knowers
beware those who are always reading books
beware those who either detest poverty
or are proud of it
beware those quick to praise
for they need praise in return
beware those who are quick to censor
they are afraid of what they do not know
beware those who seek constant crowds for
they are nothing alone
beware the average man the average woman
beware their love, their love is average
seeks average

but there is genius in their hatred
there is enough genius in their hatred to kill you
to kill anybody
not wanting solitude
not understanding solitude
they will attempt to destroy anything
that differs from their own
not being able to create art
they will not understand art
they will consider their failure as creators
only as a failure of the world
not being able to love fully
they will believe your love incomplete
and then they will hate you
and their hatred will be perfect

like a shining diamond
like a knife
like a mountain
like a tiger
like hemlock

their finest art

1984 by George orwell, and why it's my favorite book

In my English 1010 at snow college we had to read 1984 by George Orwell. At first I thought "I hate assigned reading." As I continued to read this phenomenal book I became enthralled. People say the Bible is a "living book," and that it is applicable throughout time. If any book is a "living book" it's 1984. George Orwell wrote a book that shows every political party's dream, a world they completely control, and having a mindless population that will follow unquestioningly and forget anything that contradicts what has been said before. There are many ways that this book is applicable to our daily lives, not just with our political leaders but with, religious leaders, private business, or just old fashioned peer pressure.
I want to go through these influences that are so predominant in our lives, starting with the least important and going to the things that effects us, at least according to me.
1. Peer pressure. There was a study done that proves my point completely about how we as people conform because we fear being out cast or singled out from the crowd, the study was the Asch Conformity Experiment (1953). If everyone around us is going one way, we are likely to follow, even if we think it's the wrong way to go. We are more comfortable when we are part of a group than when we are singled out.

2. Private companies. Our minds are bombarded with adds everywhere. We see adds on billboards, in news papers, on bathroom walls and even sent to our homes in "saver packs." We are conditioned to want things we don't need, to vote one way or another, to do things because "that's just what you do." if you see a billboard a 100 times a day for a plumbing company who will you think of first when your toilet clogs up?
3. Political parties. If you've read the book this needs no explanation. if you haven't read the book, do.



4. Religion. This book constantly reminds me of the control that all religions have over their followers. They have destroyed the things that make us human. they destroyed sex, making it only for procreation a.k.a. "doing your duty," taking out of a way to connect to another human being. They also turn children against their parents, making a child a spy within the home. They take away your ability to think for yourself by conditioning people by repeating things like "I know our church is true" or "I know that Jesus died for my sins." How can one "know" these things, they can feel them of suspect its true, but not know it. If you repeat something enough times you start to believe it.
1984 is one of the most influential books in my life. It has changed how I critically think about almost everything. if you haven't read this book you need to. It will rock your world if you take the time to understand how it still applicable to us today.





"War is peace
freedom is slavery
ignorance in strength"