Making a hard decision

For the last month I have been thinking about writing a letter to Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Membership Records Department and asking to have my name removed from the records of the L.D.S church. I have already written my letter to the church, and have figured out where and who to mail it to. The only problem is deciding if I should mail it or not.
There are many reasons to send in my letter any many not to.

Reasons not to send in my letter,

-It would cause hurt to my family.
-It would alienate me even more from my neighbors/friends/family
-It severs ties to the church completely.
-It would cause friends to not talk to me.

Reasons to send in my letter.

- It would be my final act as a member of the LDS church, and it would be a relief that I am free of it.
- It makes it so I cannot be "disciplined" by the church. Because If you don't take your name off the records of the church they have the right to "religiously discipline" you, including publicly excommunicating you, or disfellowshiping you. It's actually kinda creepy if you read they bishops handbook what the church has the "right" to do, even if I find it immoral that they claim to have those rights over you.
-I would not be subject to "re-activation projects" or having home teachers, visiting teachers or have church flyer's taped to my door. I wouldn't have the bishop or other leaders dropping by my house.
- It would be symbolic that I am not coming back to the church and people would stop asking me to come to church with them.
-It would give me a relief and a weight off my shoulders. It's hard to explain, but that's how I feel.

I'm almost certain I'm going to send it in, just feeling a little skittish in making that final jump. It's a big decision that I haven't taken lightly and makes me nervous about the reaction that will happen, just like when I quit going to church. I don't believe in the LDS church, and haven't for a very long time. so I think that it's time that I take the final step.

Here is my letter of Resignation,

"Resignation of church membership of
Scott Pete---, born xx-xx-xxxx in xxxxxx, Utah.

Current address,
xxx W xxx S,
Salt lake, UT, xxxxx

With this letter to you I officially notify you of my resignation from membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, effective immediately. With my resignation I voluntarily sever all my relationship to the church.

I therefore request you to make the necessary changes in the church membership records to indicate that I am no longer a member. I am familiar with the procedures as outlined in the Church Handbook of Instructions, and I request that you fill out and forward the necessary administrative forms as soon as possible.

I assure you that I do not take this step lightly. I have devoted a good deal of thought, prayer and study, over a considerable period of time. I am firm and unalterable in my decision to end my membership to the L.D.S. church.

I am aware that according to church doctrine this cancels all blessings, baptisms, ordinations, promises, covenants, and my hope of exaltation in the celestial kingdom, and I have made my decision with that consideration in mind.

I request that no one representing the church contact me for any reason other than to confirm that my request is being processed. In particular I will refuse to speak with anyone from the church who attempts to argue with me about the wisdom of my decision. As I said before I have spent years coming to this decision, with much study and prayer and do not wish to discuss a very personal matter with strangers.

It is my understanding that you are required to indicate on your form my "reason for leaving." Please state the reason as "At member's request" or "Doctrinal reasons," since that is, in fact, the reason. I insist that you should not put there any reason which may be derogatory to me. I wish to assure you that I am not leaving the church because of some personal slight or insult, or because I have "sinned" or am unable to "keep the commandments." I have simply come to the very sad realization that the church is not what it claims to be, that its doctrine is false, and that the LDS church is not where I wish to be.

I request that my name removal request be forwarded without delay to the stake president in accordance with the Church Handbook of Instructions. I would appreciate you doing this as soon as possible as I would like to get this taken care of in a timely manner.

Please inform the stake president that I want to waive the thirty-day waiting period during which the stake president may hold the request in order to give me the opportunity to rescind. Rather, I request him to process it without delay as I have spent years making this decision. Please ask the stake president to notify me when he has forwarded my request to church headquarters. If I do not hear from him, I will contact the church records department to make sure the request is being processed.

I will consider any unnecessary delay to be a violation of my rights of free association and freedom of religion as guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution.

I consider this matter to be confidential and very personal, and I insist that no church representative discuss my resignation with any persons other than those church officers who are processing my name removal or those who must be informed to carry out their church duties; that if any church official speaks of this matter outside of official channels, I will consider it a violation of confidence, a violation of church regulations (CHI p. 130), and seek legal redress.

Thank you for your courtesy in honoring my request without delay.

Yours truly,

Scott Pete---"

New Years

I'm not a big fan of new years resolutions. I think they are like gingerbread houses, fun to make, but they only last a few weeks before they crumble. I've always said if I want to make a change I'll do it when I decide to change, but this year some of my goals rely on the help of others and they all want to start on January 1st, so I'm suck. I have 3 goals this year.

First, I'm going on a diet with my wife, brothers and father. The hope is that it will make feeding people when we're all together easier. Not to mention that when you do things like this in a group your more likely to succeed. My wife and I did this same diet 2 years ago and it really worked for us so we are going to do it again for 6-12 months and see what happens.

secondly, I'm going on a finical plan with my wife so we can be out of debt in the next 18 months and be on the road to independent wealth in the next 5 years. We are going to live like we are broke as hell, because in 5 years we will have no debt, we'll own our own home and have 20,000 in the bank. How may 29 year olds can say that?

Third, I'm going to work harder at promoting my own company. When I teach classes I make $50-$150 an hour depending on the class size. thats about 5x what I make from 8-5 at my normal job.

Like I said, I hate new years resolutions but I'm making them this year.

Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to

We were at my wife's parents house on Sunday doing the whole family Christmas thing, having a good time and taking about this and that. Her mother at one point said "I'm thinking I should get a facebook page." We laughed and made a joke about being to old for a facebook page but she replied, " why not, unless there is something you don't want me to see." I try not to lie to people, but my wife and I have different religious views, moral views, and life styles then her mother. So I said nothing, and the silence was golden. People often ask questions they don't want to hear the answers to, but then are offended by the answers they get in return. So the moral of the story is don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to!

Dogs

When I was growing up we had two dogs, one when I was very little and we ended up giving her away because she got out of our yard so often, and we got another one when I was about ten, who we had until about three years ago when he was put down because of old age. My parents had one very strict rule about dogs, "They are never allowed inside the house for any reason," a hurricane could be hitting Utah for the first and only time in time in history and the dog is still not allowed in the house, but in that one instance maybe they can come in the garage. I always felt bad about this rule, it never felt right to me, I understand why you don't want an animal in the house, they can break things, chew on stuff, pee on your carpet and they can smell bad.

Now all of these things are fixable with training and a bath but at the end of the day you are still letting an animal live in your house. As my dad would argue, why not let a pig or a horse in your house? Because a dog shows affection, love and is a protector (even if they can only bite ankles). My wife and I bought a lab/rotti mix, and I didn't understand that I could love a dog that much. The fact that we let him in the house has changed the way I have viewed dogs in the past. He has become part of the family, not just a pet. Now many people can take that way way way to far, and they do,




but how far is too far?

I guess the point of this is to say I love my dog, and maybe I let him get away with too much.

christmas cheer

I am a big fan of Christmas time, the lights, the family, the friends and lets not forget the food. Every year I try to find one person who needs a little help and anonymously help them. This year I'm having a hard time finding someone because no one I know fits my three qualifications. first, of course, is they need help in some way or another. Second they cant be being helped by any other person or group. Now that one may sound strange, but there are many people who are overlooked by church groups or charity's because they aren't poor enough. I cant help someone who is about to loose there house, I just don't have the funds, but I can give $100 worth of food to someone with an empty fridge or gift cards to Walmart to someone in need of new clothes. finally rule three, they need to deserve it. I don't want to reward some ass hole for being an ass hole. I want to help someone who is kind to others or at least a nice. I want to give it to someone who will help others when they can.
Only problem like I said was I don't know who to do it for.

Being sick

The last week I've been coughing up my insides and blowing them out my nose. Its been great fun. I missed my work party and survived a family get together by coughing all over everything and everyone. It's funny how I have no motivation to do anything when I'm sick. This weekend I laid in bed, or on the couch and watched movies, it was thrilling to say the least. It was nice though, I haven't had time to just sit and do nothing in a few months, but 3 days of it was a little much for me. Although I'm still coughing like a mad man it's nice to be out of the house and at work.

Enough said.

American patriot, or jumping on the band wagon?

Last night I was having a discussion with my cousin. He wanted a picture of a confederate flag for his phone and was looking for someone to to send him a picture of one. I told him that to me the confederate flag was about oppression and racism. He said it was about heritage and freedom, to which I replied it had a heritage of hate and racism. His problem boiled down to the fact that he didn't like the way the government is being run and then called him self an American patriot and sent me a picture of an American flag hanging on his front room wall. For some reason it made me think about the word patriot, and what it means. I have a flag in my front yard, the declaration of independence hanging in my office and the original amendments next to it, yet I don't consider myself a "patriot," I simply love my country and the principles it was founded on. I've never picked up arms to defend her, I've never been forced to risk my life to ensure the flag continues to fly. Hell I've never even been threatened for my love of this country.



The dictionary defines the word patriot very simply. "Pa·tri·ot (pta-tre-et-ot) n. One who loves, supports, and defends one's country." I love my country, I support my leaders when I can, but I've never had to defend m country. I think to call your self a patriot when you have never had to pick up arms and defend her is an insult to the men and women who defend and protect this country every day! The problem we have as a country is we think we are "owed" everything with out earning it, you must earn the title patriot. Let me give you an example.

Retired Army Col. Van T. Barfoot, a World War II veteran was awarded the lofty Congressional honor for standing up to three German tanks with a bazooka and stopping their advance while at the same time taking out multiple pill boxes and rescuing 2 wounded comrades. He was also awarded the purple heart. He continued his service after WWII and fought in Korea and Vietnam before retiring from the service in 1974.



That's is an American patriot! He earned that title. Now the sad part to this hero's story is he is being sued by his home owners association for putting a flag pole in HIS OWN FRONT YARD!! Where have we gone wrong in this country? In my book someone who received a medal of honor, a purple heart, and fought in 3 different wars can do almost anything they want, because they earned it! Read the story @ http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705349019/WWII-vet-fights-homeowners-group-over-flagpole.html
I have a love for my country that runs very deep in me, that's not to say I don't think my government does despicable things in the name of my country, but it does mean I would defend her if the need arose. I am no patriot, that title is reserved for those who have fought and died for her.

What then? Life after leaving the LDS church.

Family disowning you, girlfriends dumping you and constantly being told you've lost your way or that your being influenced by Satan, these are all things that happened to me for leaving The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Everyone who leaves the LDS church has a different story, but they are all the same in a way. We all have a disillusionment, We all get disowned or shunned in some way and their is always a lot of emotional pain, on both sides.
1. Disillusionment
I was baptized when I was eight, just like most church members. I remember the day clearly, the white cloths, getting to sit with my dad, my grandparents sitting with my mom and brothers. The water was cold, but it didn't bother me, my father said the baptismal prayer, and put me under the water. I went back to the changing room and started to think, "I'm sinless, I'm perfect right now at this moment. I wonder if it feels different then if I sin?" so I did what any eight year old would do, I sinned to my understanding. I whispered "shit," nothing changed. I remember feeling disappointed, but didn't understand how that one thing would be so symbolic to me later on in life.
When I was thirteen was the first time I questioned my faith in the church, I remember my dad and I were driving on about 27Th west and about 53rd south right by some big water tanks and I said "dad how can you know the church is true?" He pulled over and we talked for a while, about the book of Mormon, Joseph Smith and the church in general. When we were done I felt you could some up the answer to "you need to read the book of Mormon and pray about it." This line is on the list of the top five reasons I left the church. It seemed every time I had a question that couldn't easily be answered I would be told "you need to pray about it." Looking back it bothers me how long that line worked on me. I would pray about it, but I have never received an answer through prayer and maybe I should count it as a blessing that voices never talked back because that's a big sign of schizophrenia.
I spent all of my teenage years defending the church, never voicing out loud that I had no belief in the LDS church, but as it's been said to me "the fish always fight the hardest right before they get in the boat." I would read church books, I would pray and I would always go to church. To say that going to church benefited me would be a compete lie. I blessed the sacrament with people who I knew smoked pot. My young mens leader was the most perverted man I knew, yet self image was everything to him. I would sit through church just waiting to go home to get away from the people there.
By the time I had reached the middle of my first year of college I had read the book of Mormon many times, as well as a lot of other books suggested by the church. It was the in early winter my first year of college I was having a rough time with religion and tired of doing things out of routine so I spent the better part of a week doing nothing but going to class coming home reading my Book of Mormon and praying. At the end of that week I went to the Manti temple in the middle of the night knelt down and prayed. I cried, I begged for an answer and none came. As I drove away I gave up my religion.
2. Being disowned/shunned
It took me a while to start to "come out" to my family that I didn't believe anymore. As it became more known I became more of a out cast. I was no longer allowed to go to some peoples houses, one person even asked me not to talk to their kids like I was a pedophile. My second year of college I had a girlfriend brake up with me when she found out I wasn't Mormon. You become a circus freak, something people are scared of. It's funny the reactions people have to you when you say your an ex-Mormon as opposed to just not being Mormon. People don't hate you for never being Mormon, because you might become Mormon. On the other hand if you know the gospel of the church and you reject it there must be something wrong with you. the following two clips show what I mean on a larger scale, not just the LDS religion.





3. Emotional pain on both sides
I remember the day I told my mom that I didn't believe in the church any more. It was a few months after my grandpa Speakman died and right after my brother Brian got home from his mission. My mother at first acted like it was something she could argue me out of, telling me I was wrong and hoping she could talk me out of it. By the end of the conversation she yelled at me saying "your ruining my eternal family!" She stormed out of my room leaving me with a large weight on my shoulders. I started to pack my stuff crying, ready to go back to school when my brother Brian came in hugged me and said, "I love ya." It was so simple yet to this day my brother has no idea what that one kind thing meant to me, he saved my life. many people don't understand the effects that simple words can have on a person, for good or bad. I will struggle with this with my family for the rest of my life, knowing there are some things we just cant talk about anymore. There will be important parts of my life they will never know about, and I will miss out on many things with my brothers because there is that gap between us, and that saddens me more than I can ever express.

I'm not sure how to end this story or if it will ever really have an end. All I know is that life is funny how it works out and I wish the best for everyone, no matter what their religious paths may be.

Confessions of an Economic Hit Man, by John Perkins

I just finished this amazing book. I'll let Alex Roslin explain the general out line of the book before I tell you what I think.


"John Perkins started and stopped writing Confessions of an Economic Hit Man four times over 20 years. He says he was threatened and bribed in an effort to kill the project, but after 9/11 he finally decided to go through with this expose of his former professional life. Perkins, a former chief economist at Boston strategic-consulting firm Chas. T. Main, says he was an "economic hit man" for 10 years, helping U.S. intelligence agencies and multinationals cajole and blackmail foreign leaders into serving U.S. foreign policy and awarding lucrative contracts to American business. "Economic hit men (EHMs) are highly paid professionals who cheat countries around the globe out of trillions of dollars," Perkins writes. Confessions of an Economic Hit Man is an extraordinary and gripping tale of intrigue and dark machinations. Think John Le Carré, except it's a true story.
Perkins writes that his economic projections cooked the books Enron-style to convince foreign governments to accept billions of dollars of loans from the World Bank and other institutions to build dams, airports, electric grids, and other infrastructure he knew they couldn't afford. The loans were given on condition that construction and engineering contracts went to U.S. companies. Often, the money would simply be transferred from one bank account in Washington, D.C., to another one in New York or San Francisco. The deals were smoothed over with bribes for foreign officials, but it was the taxpayers in the foreign countries who had to pay back the loans. When their governments couldn't do so, as was often the case, the U.S. or its henchmen at the World Bank or International Monetary Fund would step in and essentially place the country in trusteeship, dictating everything from its spending budget to security agreements and even its United Nations votes. It was, Perkins writes, a clever way for the U.S. to expand its "empire" at the expense of Third World citizens. While at times he seems a little overly focused on conspiracies, perhaps that's not surprising considering the life he's led."

This book has changed my world view as well as shifted my understanding of world politics. In this tell all book John Perkins, a former economic hit man, tells of all the countrys that we have subdued through massive debt. and the ones who don't come quietly we kill, and he names names. I love my country, and always have but this book shook my patriotism to its core.
it showed me the billions of people we hurt by treating economics the way we do. things like the following movie clip are SMALL examples of how our country exploits people with out a second thought.



Very few thing are produced in countries that have labor laws and high standards of living anymore. We seek out countries that are poor and we exploit them, making a handful of the people rich and pushing the rest in to starvation so they are willing to work a 16 hour day for just over a dollar. We support sweatshops and say we are industerlizing their country and that we are giving them jobs. when the truth is we destroyed their lands, built factories on their farm and now they must work for almost nothing so they can just afford to starve.



I beg you to read this book, it will rock your world!

Ignorance is bliss?

Last night I had the opportunity to sit at a gas station down town last night. I was able to just sit and watch people come in and out, catching small parts of their conversations and seeing some small part of their lives. It's Interesting to see the kind of people that go to a gas station at midnight, I saw wanna be gangstas, a pregnant drug addict holding an infant, homeless people wanting to cash in their change for dollar bills, cab drivers and the token drunk girl on a beer run. I sat and listened to the conversations being passed from one person to the next, constantly amazed at the low level of education many of these people had.
I don't believe that education is about a degree or about going to classes. I think being educated means you try to expand your knowledge daily, reading books, searching topics out on the Internet, going to lectures or listening to a wise person you respect. With the vast availability of the Internet in public library's and schools their is no excuse to be so ignorant. We live in the information era, we have millions of research articles, papers and books available online.



I'm not saying that I am a great thinker of our time, or that I am extremely smart but I am saying that there is no excuse to be uneducated in this day and age. We have a plethora of information at our fingertips, yet we choose not to use it out of laziness. Please educate your self, be a critical thinker and challenge everything you read and learn.